Valentine's Day for Me

This day is not a happy day for everyone, for some it's a reminder of a love long gone, an ex who hurt you. A day that you will not be receiving flowers, or some silly card, for some of us it only causes pain, reminds of of a love that is gone, one that should have been with us forever, but will always be in our hearts.

Forever is an amazing word, for so few relationships last forever, if you by chance meet the right one, your perfect other half, the one who completes you in every way, forever is not impossible. Their sly smile, that wink of an eye, throwing you a kiss, or that special look you have for each other, even across a crowded room, they will feel like you are there right beside them, holding their hand, arm across the small of their back.

The person you love should feel love from you every day, from day one that you fall in love, to the very last day on earth, this is what a true partnership is, what soul mates really are. I don't profess to know it all, but I know how it feels to have that special someone show their love for me, make me feel like I'm the only living soul on this planet in his eyes, but alas mine is gone, and yes it still hurts each and every single day, not a day goes by that I don't think of him, and how much impact he had on my life.

Don't wait till its to late, tell that special person how you feel, if it's your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend what have you, if you're a teen or seniors in love, tell that person each and every day how you feel and how they make you feel when they are near you, or even when you simply think of them, when they are not at your side. Love should be shown each and every day, not just on special occasions, your love should show and shine thru for that person every single day, be bold be honest show them how you feel, show them you can be vulnerable. Don't do it with a card, do it with a kiss, or a simple I Love You each and every day.

"If tomorrow never comes!" What Garth sang.

Nothing should stop you, age, race, color, none of that should be a deciding factor on who you should love. I've met thru the years couples with differences, they work it out, you can see in their eyes the love they have for each other. They block out everyone in the room, having a moment to look into each others eyes, everyone in the room can see it. I miss that look we had for each other.

I had that with him, he and I had a bond that would have lasted thru the ages, I will never see him again, but he will always hold a special place in my heart and soul, something I will never have with anyone else ever, I know that.

There are times I am in a restaurant, or at the gym, on a bus, I will see a guy who has similar traits to him, a look, a sly smile, his laugh, the glint in an eye, it so reminds me of him, I am both happy and sad at the same time, I still miss him so much, it still brings a tear to my eye even now as I type this out.

I always wonder if I will ever meet another like him, a man who captured my heart so quickly and so deeply, I keep an open mind and an open heart. There are days I so want to be with him, but that is not in the cards for us. Most nights I cry myself to sleep thinking of how he held me at night in bed, how I miss his touch, his smell, his breathing so close to my ear, his face so close to mine as we lay in bed nose to nose.

How he pulled me close in the middle of the night, making sure I was still there beside him. Waking up to his soft kiss, telling me how much he loves me more and more with each passing day. Now it is hard to sleep alone, the bed so empty, his cold feet not on me, his heart beating as I lay my head on his chest. I cry, I eventually fall asleep and pray that I may dream of him, just to catch a glimpse of him even in a dream makes me choke up, I wake up in tears.

I always though he and I would have our entire lives together, more special moments where he and I could learn to love each other more and more. I never knew I could love a man as much as I loved and still love him. I look at his picture sometimes, and remember the moment it was taken, he always had a beautiful smile, his eyes a twinkle in every single picture.

He and I never cheated, he was mine, and I his, he once told me there was not one person on this planet he would want to sleep with only me, he loved me and only me. I too felt the same, I could never see myself with anyone but him, even still its hard for me, to try to have any kind of sex with another, they will never measure up to him, and I only think of him.

We never got the chance to marry, I would have married him in a heartbeat, I could see him all dressed up, the both of us crying trying to say our vows to each other. My family and friends all adored him, he was kind, honest, and such a sincere person, they too all loved him too.

He was taken away from me in an auto accident, a careless driver, not watching the road, head on, dead on impact, I felt a jolt when his car was hit, I knew something was wrong. I was numb when I was told, I could not cry, I only wanted to be dead with him, I wanted to be in that car with him when it happened. Once I started to cry it never stopped, there was a hole in my heart, I could not breath, I could not speak, I only thought of him and how he was taken from me.

They say a funeral gives you closure, I can say I will never stop loving and missing him daily, it's wrong that he was taken and I was not. Once I got on with my life again, I was still numb, I had a hard time to interact with anyone, coworkers, friends all saw I was not myself, part of me had died in that accident, I could never get it back. I spent a lot of time alone, friends tried to get me to go out with them, but I was broken.

I went about my everyday activities kind of in autopilot, I felt like there was no reason to live anymore, I was still here alone, I hated the alone part the most. Months went by, I finally agreed to coffee with friends, it was good it took my mind off the everyday. My days slowly got better, I would never be the old me, I was now the broken me. Friends got used to the new broken me, they knew I would never get over his death, the rest of my life I would miss him, I would cry for him each and every night.

Any of you who have gone thru this know, you can never get over it. I am still single, not sure I will ever find a man who can capture my heart like Ronald did. I still miss him each and every day, and yes still love him so very much.

Valentines day is not a happy holiday for me, and I am sure many other out there like me.