To the Boy who Took My Body from Me

To the boy who took my body away from me,

Do you remember the look I gave you as you repeatedly thrust your member inside me? I remember it so vividly, to this day, almost a year later, it sends eerie shivers up my spine. My eyes were glazed over, almost as if I was trying to disappear from that very space I was in, your bed. My mouth open, ever so slightly, in both shock, awe, and what felt like paralysis.

I was shocked, how could the man I thought was powerful and respectful blatantly ignore my signals of refusal. You would get close to me, and I would make myself smaller and turn over, as to not face you. I felt trapped, and you did not notice. You kept touching me as I tried to wiggle out of your grasp. You forced me to stay naked, you had taken off my clothes, and insisted that I kept them off. Why? I do not know, I never will, and I prefer it that way. I think you truly believed that you were superior to me, which explains your absurd god-complex. I shook my head as you kept going, and you saw. I know you saw because I watched your eyes acknowledge my pain and fear, and you did not stop. No, in fact, you covered my mouth as if you knew what was coming next from my lips, "no." So you stopped me from saying no, you covered my mouth without a second where you lifted your hand away.

Out of your own selfishness and desire to get off, you ignored my extremely obvious discomfort and displeasure, and instead, you kept going. Your chance to get off to a girl who had fallen for your disgusting lies was far more important than her livelihood at this moment, and every moment. Your selfishness to get off resulted in you acting like you owned me, and my body. You acted as though my body was something that you were given, however, it was not. I never gave you my body. I never gave you my soul. I never gave you my heart. I never gave you my mind. But you didn't care. You took them, slowly and painfully, with each thrust you stole a little bit of my heart. You watched my eyes glaze over and relished in my inability to move.

You were, and are, so selfish - I have no clue if you even noticed the fact that you were raping me. We were both older than 18, we technically could consent, but I did not. You did it without a second thought, and that is even more appalling. You did not care. You only cared about getting off, and that is sick. In doing so, you have taken my body away from me. You have made me a stranger in my own skin, because my body has done things that I said no to. It has been fucked my someone who is too selfish to notice others' feelings, much less the woman you threw onto the bed with more upkept rage than I have ever seen in someone in my life.

Who hurt you? Who hurt you that made you believe that you needed to hurt me in perhaps one of the most detrimental acts that a human can do to another?

You, you took my body from me, but you know what? I forgive you.

I forgive you for what you have done to me, knowing that everything in life happens for a reason and makes you stronger. Each thrust of your member inside of me built up another brick in the wall that I now have to work to break down. You made my skin thicker, and you made me trust much less easily. I now walk on the street with the fear of someone grabbing me, and I now see right through the bullshit of men like you. You have brought me immense pain, and the thought of forgiving the man who robbed me of my own autonomy is terrifying to me, however, I forgive you. I forgive your disgusting selfishness and I forgive your inability to give a single shit about anyone but yourself. I forgive you knowing I am going to be far more successful than you because selfish people never make a difference in this world, they just float in the shadows until finally they are dragged down by the evilest of them all. I forgive you for being that way because I know you cannot change. I know that you have made me stronger, and for that, I thank you.

You will always be known to me as the man who stole part of me. And that is the worst insult of them all.

Sincerely,

The girl who lost her autonomy to you.