The Right Person: James

I always planned to wait, to have that special moment with my husband where he got to experience me for the first time. I always fantasized how it would be a nervous moment for me but I would let him be my guide into a healthy sexual relationship. In my late night explorations, it started out slow and easy, doing the "normal" things, but it wouldn't take long before we were trying things I watched in elicit videos and wrote about in my journal.

That's how I always saw it, loving, experimental and every moment cherished. At 22 I thought I met that guy who would be my husband and my guide into the sexual paradise. I was in love, he was in lust, I was naive and he was very cunning. I ignored the warning signs and the red flags all for the idea of forever. I ignored warnings from my friends because I was certain I knew better.

My first time was in my dorm room after getting pressured to have more drinks than I would have usually consumed. I remember he smelled like black and mild's and Hennessey, Drake played in the background. I will admit I had grown used to the heavy petting and making out. Not only was I used to it I craved it. I loved the way it felt to be wanted by him, and he made it known in between Hennessey kisses and thwarted attempts at my bra. Making out on my bed graduated into my shirt being pulled over my head. Kisses on my neck with his hands gripping me and somehow expertly unsnapping my bra for the first time led to my first real nipple stimulation.

Looking back, it must have been a clever distraction but I learned I really loved getting my nipples sucked. Alternating from one to the other letting the air conditioning and his mouth dictate the temperature of each nipple. I remember moaning and gripping the sheets so enthralled in this new sensation I barely noticed my sweats and panties coming down my thighs until he had to break contact with me to complete the transition.

I was naked in front of a man for the first time, everything in me screamed to tell him to stop and I may have protested weakly but as soon as his mouth touched my nipples again, I surrendered. I had brown liquor courage in me that night and in the moment a man I felt that truly loved me on top of me, I let go.

He worked his way back to my mouth and shared kisses with me as he pulled his own clothes off frantically. My mind asked all the questions he didn't bother to spend time on. Asking me if I was sure about this, was he really the one, are you really sure though, are we going all the way? The thoughts were loud in my head and my body screamed to answer in lieu of one from my mind. He kissed me deeply distracting me with what felt like a truly tender moment. It felt as if he was affirming his love for me and letting me know this was the right choice. If it was possible, I melted further, there was no stopping it after that moment he was going to have all of me.

While I was lost in love, he was on a mission slowly reaching between us and grabbing his dick. I had never seen it other than the outline in his shorts but I felt it on more than one occasion and it felt strong and thick. I expected what my culture and porn taught me about black men, I expected a dick the size of my forearm. What I got was from my estimation was on the bigger side of average which was less intimidating until I felt his head slide between my lips preparing for what was to come.

I couldn't believe how wet I was and moaned in response to my body yearning for release. He took it as a sign and pushed. My first scream in the sheets was not one of pleasure and was not exciting, it was painful and alarming. He didn't manage to get far at all but his rough maneuver officially turned me off. I put my hands on his chest and told him to wait and stop so I could breathe and of course it was met by over eager protests but he stayed where he was.

He wore me down again with kisses and promises to go slower and apologies for being excited. I had gotten this far so I knew I was going all the way despite clear signs telling me not to. He took his time pushing in a bit and sliding out, he bore the pain of my nails digging into him as he settled into a slow pace and moaned when settled deep. That was it I was no longer a virgin, I tried to embrace it while he started to stroke again. I couldn't quite get into it, my body reacted poorly and the natural lubrication stopped. He didn't seem to mind at all he just picked up the pace.

I gripped his back and gritted my teeth waiting for it to end, I didn't have to wait long.

He pulled out of me quickly causing yet another gasp and unloaded on my stomach. Feeling the warm cum hit me rope after rope brought me back in the game but it was already too late. He rolled off of me catching his breath for a moment before kissing me on the cheek and passing out. Yes, that was my actual first time.

The next morning after an awkward exchange, an emotional shower, starting laundry and coming to terms with the nights previous events I did what I always did and wrote about it. At the time my best friend and I were geographically separated and kept in contact via texts and emails to an obsessive amount due to the time difference. I wrote the whole story out, every detail and how each part made me feel. I held nothing back because she was the only one who would truly understand where I was coming from. Cassidy or Dee as I called her didn't subscribe to my fantasies of waiting until she got married. She lost her virginity when we were 17 and her parents begrudgingly let her get her driver's license. The back seat of her then boyfriends station wagon was her first time all while I was sitting on a park bench writing in my notebook thirty feet away.

A few weeks, three more terrible sexual encounters and with Dee's encouragement I left my boyfriend only to discover I was not his only girlfriend. I was crushed, my first love wasn't love and it made me bitter. I spent more time complaining about men with Dee than anything else and my ever-persistent friend assured me he was not the status quo. To her credit she joined me in my suffering long enough to begin to pull me out of it. When we finally got to hang out a few months later I was over it but still hadn't been with anyone else. We had a few drinks and she confided in me something I was pretty angry about at first. She confided in me that she enjoyed my retelling of that first night and the subsequent nights via email. I was under the influence myself and reacted poorly until the next morning when she explained.

"Your story was sad and pretty shitty of him, but the more I thought about it and read it over pretending I didn't know you the hotter it sounded. You are a decent writer Belle, I'm just saying." Her words sandwiched between bites of pancakes covered in my pounding headache resonated with me. I loved to write but all I ever did was write for me never shared it I didn't even see my sexual exploits as a "written work" just a friend venting to another. I began writing out my fantasies in secret letting porn guide my uneducated mind to scenarios I wanted to find myself in. I needed to see if I could stimulate myself with my own written words.

I wrote more and more enjoying the scenarios I put my fictional characters in and I wanted to be so much like the promiscuous and strong characters I wrote about but I still had not found anyone worth even paying attention to much less sleeping with. Some of that was my own bias, I am sure I turned down a few people that would have been worth it but at the time I just couldn't.

Months later I was wooed by yet another smooth-talking man with a great smile and enough jokes to make my stomach hurt, this time I was going to do it right. I told him about my previous experience and to my surprise he laughed and laughed hard!

"James! What in the actual hell is so funny?" I questioned already doubting my choice to divulge the truth.

"I am so sorry; this guy just seems like a real asshole and it's hard for me to imagine being that selfish!" His response was still through stifled giggles and it didn't sit well.

"Elaborate on why this is funny?"

"Ok, sex, in my eyes anyway is a game of mutual satisfaction. If you can't please your partner then you have failed. I get not pulling out all your best tricks every time but at the very least you have to each reach the finish line, preferably more than once." Insert trademark smile.

Buttery smooth to my tipsy ears, yet my grandfather used to tell me "aint nothing slick to a can of oil." I was still skeptical.

"So, what happens if you happen to reach the finish line first?" I prodded feeling my body react to his words while trying to fight it off with my otherwise inebriated mind.

"It happens, some women even like it. Regardless the point still stands, you can't leave a partner unsatisfied." Again, with his stupid disarming smile.

"In your quest to leave your partners satisfied do you ever do things you are not into?" This was question pulled from some of the things I was self-conscious about as my porn habits often drifted into things that would make most people blush. I often wondered if I truly wanted would someone do these things with me?

"I like to think I am open minded and am willing to try most things at least once with the right person." He laughed in response before continuing.

"The right person is what matters really; you want the person you are with to be comfortable enough to tell you about the things they want."

I was brown liquor brave; I am glad I was looking back on it but in that moment, I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

"I am going to find out if you are full of shit or not." I downed my drink and met his eyes; I was done wondering how sex was supposed to be and he at least talked a better game than my previous encounter.

"Is that story about your first time true or just a funny story to tell people?" He asked me throwing me off completely.

"Why would I make up such a crappy story?"

"Because the punchline is that you are basically untouched and some guys are into that."

"The story is true; I am basically untouched and you are the first guy that I have told this story to."

"Then let's find out if I am full of shit Miss Belle." He smiled, standing dropping some cash on the table and extending his hand.

It was a long drive to his house or it at least felt that way, my heart was racing and the reality of what was about to happen sobered me up quickly. I text Cassidy the address just in case I came up missing and let him lead me through his house.

"Would you like another drink?"

"Yeah, please."

"Have a seat Belle and relax, this only goes as far as you say it does, you are in control."

He leaned forward and kissed me lightly at first fanning the flames inside me. I wouldn't let him go wrapping my arms around him feeling the muscles on his back through his shirt. I opened my mouth inviting him in just as his hand came up to my face. Everything felt different, from the way he kissed me to the subtle touch of his thumb against my cheek. My mind replayed his words you are in control. I didn't want to be in control, I craved to be led. I broke the kiss and searched his eyes for anything that would prevent me from letting go and found nothing but a calm and understanding gaze looking back at me.

"Lead the way." I whispered.

He simply nodded and kissed me again taking his time exploring my clothed body with his hands in the middle of his living room. Removing his shirt in between kisses skillfully exposing himself before he began with me, he allowed me to take him in and appreciate the body he obviously worked hard to maintain. I traced my fingers over the tattoos on his chest while I kissed him stoking the embers of my need. I didn't want slow any longer I wanted the feverish unbridled sex I fantasized at night about. I went for his belt pulling it from his waist with a smile.

He took my signal without words and pushed me backwards onto his couch with enough force to let me know he got the point. He climbed on top of me pulling my shirt up while working his body down kissing my stomach rewarding me with every inch of skin shown with a bit of appreciation. My shirt was up and over my head in seconds followed by my bra. I watched his eyes he didn't look at me with the lust I imagined was present my first time but with a desire I couldn't identify. I reached for my own breasts on instinct playing out exactly how I handle myself when I am alone. Just as I began to squeeze my b cups and pinch my nipples his hands went to my wrist pulling them away pinning them above my head. He placed a soft kiss on my lips while sliding his hands down my arms.

"You don't get to touch you, only I get to touch you." He whispered into my ear.

Fuck yes! Breathe girl just breathe! Let the man work! My inner voice danced melodies of praise in my head while making sure I still had his undivided attention. I watched as he stood undoing the button on his pants pulling his boxers down with them revealing his already fully erect dick. I felt my mouth open and begin to salivate, I had never sucked a dick but damn did I want to right now. It wasn't as thick as my previous encounter but it was longer from what I could tell. He simply stood letting me drink in his beautiful dick with my eyes and that's when I understood what he

meant.

He hasn't even done anything with me yet and still I want to open up with him more than I have ever wanted to with anyone else. I never once offered to such my firsts dick but here I was ready to drop on my knees and learn. The person does matter.

He smiled at me in a way that I felt like he was reading my mind and I swooned. I couldn't wait to melt my chocolate all over his lips. My thighs rubbed together of their own accord and my bottom lip securely wedged between my two rows of teeth again signaled for him to continue. Laying on top of me again he kissed me letting me feel the strain of his dick between two layers of clothes driving me wild. I needed to be naked, my nipples strained against his chest as our combined breathing made enough movement for them to glide over his skin.

"Please" I moaned as he began to kiss his way down my neck.

He continued painfully slowly tasting me in various places, sucking each nipple slowly and nibbling at the sensitive flesh. I could feel myself leaking as I ground my hips against his torso, I felt the buildup was going to make me explode. His kisses trailed down my belly button and to the hem of my pants which he undid and wasted no further time exposing me. I lifted my hips and with one solid movement my legs came up, pants and panties discarded across the room. I couldn't help but laugh at the speed in which the movement happened causing us both a moment of laughter together.

"Naked and smiling, I could get used to this." He smiled looking at my eyes despite my full nudity.

"So could I." I smiled feeling sheepish and sexy all at the same time.

I looked back at him on his knees between my thighs on his couch with his dick hard as a rock. I sat up quickly before he could react grabbing his dick with one hand and meeting his lips craning my neck to meet him. I slowly stroked him while we kissed, loving the feel of him in my hand responding to my touch. I had never felt so strong and sexy I wanted to show him how I felt, I wanted to be in control again.

I broke the kiss and looked down at his dick while sliding my hand down to his balls, opening my mouth and sucking the head for the first time. It was an awkward position but I needed this moment to enjoy my first-time giving head. I slowly worked my tongue around his thick head and took him into my mouth trying to avoid my teeth. I bobbed my head up and down attempting to take as much of him as I could and quickly learning deep throating was a lot harder than it looked. He moaned in pleasure leaning back slightly letting me do as I pleased. I kept going trying to do the things I saw on the internet like making vulgar gagging and slurping noises while using as much spit as possible. When I finally came up for air, I looked up at him and he had a big smile on his face and again we both laughed as I wiped spit from my mouth.

"Been waiting a long time to try all that huh?" He teased still laughing.

"Sorta yeah, was it bad?" I asked now a little self-conscious.

"It wasn't bad just all over the place, you will learn your rhythm soon enough." He awkwardly got off the couch and held out his hand.

"We need more room."

"Yeah" I laughed standing and following him to his bedroom not taking my eyes off his body the entire time.

He flicked a light and led me into his bedroom turning me to face him as he wrapped his arms around me kissing me and lifting me up. On instinct I wrapped my legs around him and he carried me to the bed with ease slowly leaning me over until his hand braced the bed and put me down. I scooted up to the headboard quickly only to have him grab my ankles and pull me back.

"I didn't tell you to move."

"Mmm ok Sir, whatever you say." I immediately mentally chided myself for saying sir instead of the popular "Daddy" but hell I was new to this and he didn't seem to mind.

Lifting my legs and spreading me open he dropped to his knees and kissed my clit sending a bolt of electricity through my spine making me shudder. He gripped my thighs and began licking me up and down using his tongue in ways I didn't know were possible. I moaned through ever breath I could take between sharp inhales. I pulled each nipple desperately trying to match the intensity going on between my thighs. Expletives became my mother tongue all rooted in the word fuck while he teased my clit, fucked me with his tongue and flicked my last bit of decency away. I felt the familiar rise of an orgasm just as it hit sending shudders through my body.

"Fuckkkkkk, shiiiii, ohhh damnnnnn. Waitwaitwait!" I begged him while he licked me through my climax. I felt a wave a relief when he let me go that constant contact was too much to deal with.

I lay there breathing and trying to blink the stars from my eyes. I felt him kissing up my stomach and I moaned out realizing he hadn't even fucked me yet!

"Ooh you going to have to give me a second baby shit." I moaned as he came up on my breasts.

"Take all the time you need." He chuckled still placing kisses but avoiding my nipples.

Getting up to my face he kissed me and held me letting me taste myself on his lips. It felt so nasty to lick my own pussy off his face but that's why I did it and why it turned me on so much. I slipped my hand between us grabbing his dick trying to pull it inside of me when he pulled back startling me a bit.

"Not yet." He smiled and reached over to the nightstand pulling out a condom ripping it open and putting it on quickly.

"We got a few conversations to have before we get there and now is not the time for that." I must have looked disappointed because he responded to my thoughts.

"You right, Mr. Responsible adult. Thank you." I said with a smile

He was right and responsible but damn did it make me a little salty. He didn't let me wallow in that salt for long before he pressed his dick against me sliding it up and down my slit. He took his time as he lined himself up pressing inside of me just a bit at a time even as my body screamed for him to just plunge in and take what he wanted how he wanted. He eased more and more of himself inside me pulling back and pushing in deeper while I opened my legs as wide as I could whispering more into his ear.

When he got as deep as he could go and I felt fuller than I ever had he just waited letting me get used to his size and while I respected and admired his restraint and need to make me feel comfortable, I wanted more. I wanted to see what it was really like to get fucked and enjoy it. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes calling on brown liquor and hormones to get me through the next sentence.