All Comments on 'The Power of Pamela's Predator Ch. 01'
by beastboy42
- 9 Comments
Don't be downcast about the low votes.
This is a hot story, but it needs more editing to make it work.
Too much information up front. Spelling out the whys and wherefores of Pam's "condition" in the opening graphs not only starts the story on a clunky note, it spoils the sense of mystery. Wouldn't it be better if these details came as a reveal and a surprise? Wouldn't the readers curiosity about the nature of the powers only alluded to initially create tension, suspense, and an incitement to keep reading? And wouldn't the (admittedly, very effectively singular) nature of the secret make for a startling and unforgettable surprise when they finally get to it?
My advice: Don't give it all away right out the gate. Otherwise, what's the point?
Always good to get really constructive feedback instead of just "Its hot!" or "You suck" that is often the case :P
It is interesting about putting too much up front in terms of revealing "the secret" I had thought about doing it different as in "The Truckers Hunger" I wrote that story fully covering up how it was going to end in a similar fashion, This was meant to be more of an experiment, and I guess I still need some work in that, But glad it was enjoyed none the less.
As far as editing, well, it is why think I have been weak on, Always accepting anyone that wants the job of Proof Reader >;)
Been waiting and waiting for you to submit again and I'm glad you have! Exciting stuff, but I do prefer your your two other stories because of the unwashed fat and smelly women factor. That's quite a turn on. Looking forward to the next instalment :-) hope we don't have to wait too long...
Good story can't wait till the next one
I understand the point of TamLin01, but I think in this case the story became perfect. Many readers on Literotica starting reading but soon give up if do not see what they want. It's frustating when you spend a lot of time reading and don't get it what you would like. (Actually, it happened to me with your story Truck Stop Smother, because it's very different from this and the AMAZING A Trucker's Hunger.)
In this case the author give us this safety, and I loved it till the end.
I beg the author to publish more stores like this and about Sasha, from A Trucker's Hunger. I will love see Pamela's Daughter inherit her mother powers and both team hunting togheter.
Now this is a woman who could drain my life any time she likes! LOVED IT!!!