All Comments on 'The Dare'
by Smuttyandfun
- 26 Comments
5* very nice. Except for a few wrong spelling of words that we hardly ever say, much less write, this was perfect.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
Tc
5 *****'s easily. Good character development, nice way it worked between them, & nice ending. Really enjoyed reading it & it had a RISING affect on me too.
Suggest you use, addition to using spell check at end of writing, an editor to read & look for grammar & tense issues. Few thing your spell check missed messed up flow.
You are quite talented & I enjoyed it a great deal. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, S&F, here from the ND contest. Great job with this. The initial scene with Kristen being drunk and coming on to Officer Sexy Pants (or whatever she was calling him) had me in stitches. Their romance was sweet, too, and led to a great ending. Excellent work! 5*
A simply great romantic story. Maybe a little short on drama but we'll thought out and written. Loved the humour in the opening scene and how little bits carried on throughout. 5 stars.
Wonderful sweet story,
I did not realized it was long coz I loved every thing!
Will you have a story for Jeff and Mel? Hehe
Five starssss!
Beautifully crafted and paced story. Eight pages flew by. The beginning was so well done, with the alcohol changing her into who she would become. Congrats on placing in the contest as well. May have to check out more of your things.
I can hardly believe this came in second in the Nude Day Contest. Thank you all so much for voting and for your kind comments. I'm so glad to see you've enjoyed this story, especially since it was so much fun to write.
Congrats. Well done. For a romance story there seemed to be very little tension. The standard ‘boy meets girl, boy loses girl and boy gets girl in the end’ plot gives the reader something to keep turning the pages for. Here the biggest tension was the dust up between the two baseball players. Nothing but happy smiles between the two protagonists.
Cops frequently don’t get along with lawyers and that could have been an angle to explore further and for them to overcome.
I think you deserved to be a winner. I actually think it beat Jasons best Canoe trip, but then I am a sucker for happy endings.
Grandmothers are good judges of character...
and yaya thought enough of Kristen to give her the necklace.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story--loving, hot, and romantic.
Congrats on being a Nude Day contest winner!
What a great ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Story. But there’s one unanswered question you forgot answer or did I miss it, was Angies family actually with the Mob they were being investigated were they not…
Glad to see this story has been so well received. As for Kristen's wealthy friend Angie, I did mention that Nico had investigated and cleared her family of Mob ties: Kristen introduced me to some of her friends, that I vaguely remembered seeing at the lake when I'd first met her. Especially her friend Angie Carelli, the lady who owned the cottage, whose family my team had been investigating for mob ties, though I'd never let Kristen know. But I was happy to discover that, her father and his brothers were clean, and they made their money running a very lucrative import business, supplying Italian products across North America and into the rest of Europe.
I usually shy away from "Romance" but I am so glad I read this one. The beginning was just so hilarious I was laughing all the way.
An incredibly written story. I saw 8 pages and had doubts but it ended too soon
Nice story, bit formulaic, and quite long, but enjoyable. I was distracted sometimes by misspellings, wrong words, and poor grammar; not throughout, but there were whole passages several paragraphs that just were hard to decipher at times. A good story that could have been great with some careful editing.
If you are going to describe the wonders of the world to us, please stop, look at it and notice how it is. Embellish a little if you must but don’t fight physics unless it’s a superhero story.
To see the mirrored image of something on the water, you must have the water between your position and the object being reflected. In this case the water is that of what you described as a large lake.
“After we'd all stopped a moment to admire the mirror image of the cottage reflecting off the still, moon-dappled lake, the moment we stepped inside what turned out to be an actual stone and glass palace, it was all just so beautiful I was a little afraid of messing it up.“
There is also the problem of the ill-connected clauses of that rambling sentence. Apart from the loss of the house’s impossible reflection—unless we were supposed to assume that sentence also encompassed the group crossing or circling round the large lake—this rephrasing preserves it salient features:
After stopping a moment to admire the moon reflecting off the still waters of the lake, we stepped inside what turned out to be an actual palace of stone and glass; it was all just so beautiful I was a little afraid of messing it up.