The Cum Contest

I woke up with this story in my head, literally narrating it to myself, as if someone had been whispering it in my ear while I slept.

Everyone here is over the age of 18.

"This is the challenge," I said, raising my right hand to reveal a small, egg-shaped vibrator.

My five female friends stared back at me. They were each sitting in a folding chair, set up in a semi-circle in my living room. Their individual expressions told me everything I needed to know.

Kelly glared defiant. Megan smiled at me, wickedly. Abby cocked her eyebrow in curiosity. Grace's face twisted in disgust. Devon wouldn't even meet my eye. Each woman was very different, yet each was also quite beautiful in her own, unique way.

We all thought we understood what was about to happen. None of us could imagine what was coming next.

*

It started with a silly argument.

I was sitting in the living room, pants around my ankles, watching porn on the big screen TV. I was expecting to have the apartment to myself for at least another hour.

Then, out of nowhere, the front door flew open, revealing my longtime roommate, Kelly. The petite brunette, still in her tight workout clothes that showed off her taut body, stared at me, aghast. Her duffle and her jaw dropped to the ground.

Before Kelly could recover, I scrambled back to my bedroom -- a throw pillow covering my most private place. I quickly pulled on pants, then came back out, sheepish and unfulfilled. Kelly was already in the process of making dinner. She didn't even look my way.

I told my roommate I was sorry, but she just smiled and went back to what she was doing. I sat on the couch, waiting for the inevitable onslaught of questions and accusations. But Kelly didn't do any of that.

At first, I thought she was angry, but the longer the evening continued, the more I became convinced that Kelly was fine with it. That my big reveal wasn't that big a deal, and she was ready to move on from it. Maybe I really did have the coolest roommate ever?

The next day, after I'd finally convinced myself that I was safe, it all came crashing down.

"You know that porn's not real, right?" Kelly asked.

We were sitting in our usual booth at the diner. It was a languid Sunday morning, and we were still waiting for our friends to show up for our weekly breakfast get together. The diner was a tiny place, a former train car with a white-tiled floor and floral curtains. It was early, so the place wasn't too busy.

My roommate was wearing a dark green tank top and a pair of navy mesh shorts. Her brown hair was tied back in a tight ponytail. Her arms flexed, muscular, as she poured her coffee. I thought she was playing around, but my roommate just stared back at me, deadly serious. I cleared my throat, but it came out as a nervous choke.

Kelly and I had basically been best friends since college. After graduation, we moved into the city and decided to rent a place together. I know a lot of people thought we were hooking up, but romance had never entered the picture or even came close. We just didn't see each other that way. Though, with how Kelly was glaring at me now, I wondered if our friendship was going to survive for much longer.

"Those videos fake everything," Kelly said as if she was explaining the reality of professional wrestling to an 8-year-old boy.

"Some of it's real," I said, feeling weirdly defensive. "The amateur stuff."

Kelly shook her head at me. "They're performing for the camera."

"Well, of course, but..."

"Ugh, what are you two arguing about now?"

I looked up and saw Megan standing over our table. Broad and curvy, the auburn-haired woman gave us one of her wide, trademark smiles, then sat next to Kelly across from me. She was wearing a yellow, summery dress that made her chest look even larger than usual and flared nicely over her wide hips.

"Seriously, if you two are going to argue like an old married couple, you might as well get hitched," Megan said. She was my friend Shawn's long-time girlfriend and she'd been a part of our group since they started dating. Boisterous, with a body to match, Megan was always the loudest person in the room, and we loved her for it.

"I caught TJ watching porn yesterday," Kelly said, getting right to the point.

"Nice!" Megan said, "Was his thing out? Was it huge? I bet it was huge."

I blushed. Kelly shook her head.

"See? That comment is the perfect example of what happens when you watch porn all the time," my athletic roommate said, "It gives you unrealistic expectations."

"I could have a big dick," I said.

"Yes, baby, I'm sure your mean old monster is ready to bust out at any minute," Kelly said, the disdain dripping from her voice.

"Sure, porn's fake," Megan said, "But it's still fun."

Again, Kelly glared over at her friend. "You're not helping," my roommate said.

"Sorry," Megan replied, but she said it with a twinkle in her eye.

"If you think sex is like porn, when you have actual sex it'll never live up to that," Kelly said, continuing her lecture.

"I know what sex is like," I said, "I've had sex."

"Porn will make it seem less good," Kelly said. I looked at Megan for help, but the auburn-haired girl just grinned. I think she was enjoying my misery as much as Kelly now. "Girls won't ride your cock for forty minutes, even if you could last that long. At that point, it gets painful."

"That is true," Megan said, "Porn's also, like, really anti-girl."

"I know right?" Kelly said, "Most of the time, it's not even about pleasing the woman. And even if it is? So fake. Nobody orgasms like that, I promise you."

"Is Santa Claus pretend, too?" I asked, mocking.

"I actually just read the most interesting thing about the St. Nicholas mythology."

Abby had arrived. The stick-skinny girl was wearing a t-shirt showing the Periodic Table of Cats. Her top was so tight, it made her normally modest-sized chest look liable to explode onto the table, though I doubted she was even aware of the effect. Abby had her poker straight, white-blonde hair tied up in a professional-looking bun. She fixed her glasses as she took a seat next to me.

"Did you see that article, as well?" Abby asked, scooching in.

"No, we're talking about orgasms," Megan said.

"Fascinating," Abby said. She was Megan's best friend, though the two of them couldn't be less alike. Abby was going for her doctorate in organic chemistry. Megan mixed drinks at the local bar. Abby was a hardcore reader. Megan had, famously, once thrown a book at a cop when she was drunk. Abby loved playing D&D. Megan had double... Well, anyway. Somehow the two of them got along like they were meant for each other.

Before Kelly could resume her rant on pornography and the evils thereof, Devon showed up. The tiny girl with tight blonde curls gave all of us a little wave. She was wearing an oversized, fluffy white sweater and tan capris.

"Hi," she said, then climbed over all of us to sit in the back corner of the booth. Devon was Abby's roommate and terminally shy.

"As I was saying," Kelly said, as if the arrival of our friends was a rude interruption, "Women don't cum in real life like they do in porn."

Devon gasped, grabbed one of the giant diner menus, and promptly popped it up in front of herself. The other three women ignored her, nodding along like this was normal conversation.

"Some women cum like that," I said. I got three glares in response. I was pretty sure I could feel Devon's eyes burning me through the menu, as well.

"They don't," Kelly said, firmly.

"Porn is not an accurate portrayal of the female orgasm," Abby said.

"Sorry dude," Megan said.

"Can we please not talk about this in public?" Devon said through her menu.

"Women don't make noises like that," Kelly said, "We don't scream out 'I'm cumming!' or 'fuck me!' or anything like that."

"Or do the whole yes-yes-yes-yes thing," Megan said, "That's just weird."

"Some women make noise when they cum," I said. Again, I don't know how I ended up arguing for the actuality of porn. It would have been easier to defend the existence of Bigfoot. But there I was.

"Do you make noise during sex, TJ?" Kelly asked, sipping her coffee. As if this was the kind of thing people asked each other all the time.

"I mean, I might grunt or gasp some," I said.

"Exactly," Kelly said, "So why do you think it's different for women? Do you honestly believe your penis has magical sound-making powers?"

"If it did you would tell us right?" Megan asked. "Because that would be awesome."

"It is decidedly unlikely," Abby said.

"Can we please stop talking about, you know, this stuff?" Devon asked. Her hands gripped the menu so tightly, the lamination started to crack.

"I get it," I said, "Porn is fake. It's all pretend. But women make noise during sex. My ex would say all kinds of crazy stuff."

"She was faking it," Kelly said.

"Never," I said. I looked at the other women for help.

"I mean, she was probably faking it?" Megan said.

"It does seem to fit the evidence being presented," Abby said, "Nor would she be the first woman to falsify her pleasure in order to accomplish the cessation of carnal activities."

Even Devon lowered her menu to give me a knowing nod. Her tight, golden ringlets bounced along with her chin.

"Just wait till Shawn gets here," I said, "He'll take my side, you'll see."

"Much like your ex, my boyfriend isn't coming," Megan said with a wicked grin. "He got caught up in some weekend work thing."

Great, I was already used to being outnumbered at these breakfasts, but now I was completely on my own. And the girls were ganging up on me.

"Don't feel bad," Kelly said, "Most men wouldn't know a woman's orgasm if it slapped them in the dick. That's the whole problem with porn."

"Women make noise during sex," I repeated, but even I could hear the whine in my voice. It was my argument of last resort, so I clung tight. Even as I slipped right over the cliff. "I know when I've made a woman cum."

"It's OK, TJ," Kelly said, "This is exactly the point I've been trying to make all morning. I'm trying to help you."

"I can prove it," I said.

"How?" Kelly asked, "If it involves watching porn, it won't work."

"I mean, maybe it'll work," Megan said, "We should try it and find out."

"I'd like to do a little test," I said, "To prove I'm right."

"Like an experiment?" Abby asked, unable to contain her excitement.

"We're not all fucking you," Kelly said flatly.

"Hi guys, sorry I'm..." Grace started, then stopped as Kelly's last statement sunk in. She stood over the table and crossed her arms. "What's going on?" The tall redhead had shown up wearing a professional looking green blouse and a dark skirt. Her diamond earrings twinkled incongruently in the yellowed light of the diner.

"TJ here was just making a fool of himself," Kelly said, "About women's orgasms."

"This is what I get for being late," Grace said, huffily, as she sat at the end of the table. "All of you get out of control." Grace was Kelly's best friend from grade school. Of everyone, they'd known each other the longest. But, ironically, she didn't really fit in with the rest of the group. Still, she was nice enough, and she usually bought breakfast for us, so we kept her around.

"TJ believes that women make noises during sex, as in the pornographic videos disseminated across the Internet," Abby said.

"Oh honey, that's not true," Grace said, patting my hand patronizingly.

"He says he can prove it," Megan said.

Kelly snorted and shook her head. She clearly felt that she'd won the argument, which only pressed me harder to champion my side.

"I suggest a little contest," I said. I rubbed my hands together, not unlike a cartoon supervillain. See, I knew the secret to getting Kelly to agree to almost anything. And if Kelly tipped, the rest of the group would topple. It was all too easy. "You say women are quiet when they cum. I think you're wrong. So, let's make a little wager. Put our money where our mouths are, as it were."

Kelly's head popped up and I knew I had her. My roommate was a smart, strong woman who kept her cool most of the tim. But introduce even the slightest bit of competition and she turned into a crazy woman.

"What are you thinking?" Kelly asked

I couldn't keep the smirk off my face.

*

The next week passed swiftly. I expected Kelly to hector me the whole time, but instead, she acted like nothing had happened. Again, I wondered if maybe she'd decided to forget the whole thing. But when Sunday rolled back around, she spent the whole morning reminding me that we were skipping our usual brunch so that I could give her all my money.

"You're an idiot," she told me, flat out.

"We'll see," I said, giving her a playful wink.

The intervening time had given me time to collect my supplies, but also to seriously rethink what I'd agreed to. Not the bet, exactly. I was strangely confident I'd win, though I can't say where that conviction came from.

In one way or another, I'd known each of these women for a long time. Our relationships had always been completely platonic. I thought of the girls as more than friends, closer to family. They didn't comprise our entire group -- there were other outlying friends of both sexes, various boyfriends and girlfriends, that sort of thing -- but the five women, Shawn, and myself were the core. That's also the way I thought of my group of friends, as well: core. They were the central, most important part of my life.

I know it's weird to have my social group be almost completely composed of the opposite sex and not have any of them be a former girlfriend or whatever. It could be a pain sometimes. I felt left out of a lot of conversations and I had a few ex-girlfriends who absolutely couldn't handle the setup. But for the most part, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Did I find the women attractive? Of course. Kelly, Megan, Abby, Devon, and Grace were each quite beautiful and often very sexy. There were weeks where I'd be crushing on one or the other, but I kept it all to myself. Our friendships were too important to me to risk losing. Also, they were all part of a package deal. If things went wrong with one of them, I would lose all of them. That kind of risk was enough to keep me from gambling.

Thus, the stakes for that Sunday were impossibly high -- well beyond the money we'd all agreed to bet against each other. It was a stupid game, I knew, and I kept waiting for someone to step in the way of things. But, like an avalanche, once things started going, stopping it seemed impossible. All there was to do was stare up at the disaster I'd wrought and hope nothing got too damaged.

When the time arrived, I setup the five folding chairs, all facing away from the TV, and pushed the rest of our furniture out of the way. The women arrived together, which made things less awkward. Sort of. Kelly set out drinks and that helped normalize our situation even more.

Finally, once everyone was seated and eyeing me expectantly, I explained how everything was going to work.

"This is the challenge," I said, "This will decide the argument of whether women make noises during sex. Each of you will get one of these." I held up the egg-shaped vibrator. "I get the controls. We'll set the timer for thirty minutes. You can cum as many times as you want during that time, but you must do it silently. If I can tell you're having an orgasm -- if I call you out -- you lose. Last one standing wins the cash. If you all go out, and you will, the money is mine."

We'd agreed that it would cost five-hundred dollars to get into the game. I knew, for some of the women, that was not a trivial amount of money. That was the point though, to really have to risk something. Otherwise, no one would take it seriously. Plus, who could turn down the opportunity to win three grand? Hell, that was two months' rent for most of us.

After I finished explaining how the game would go, I expected the reality of what we were about to do would sink in and the women would start to have second thoughts. Instead, the only thing the girls had doubts about, was who was going to win the money.

"You can just hand me the three grand now," Kelly said. "It's already over."

"You'll be splitting it with me for sure," Megan said.

"You sure Shawn's going to be OK with that?" Kelly asked, referencing Megan's boyfriend.

"Are you kidding?" Megan asked, "When I tell him about it tonight, he's going to be begging me for pics."

"This is so embarrassing," Grace said.

"Then don't play," Kelly said.

"No way, I need that money," Grace said, "Daddy's making me pay back the credit card bill again. Character building, my butt."

"You won't get the full 3K anyway," Kelly said, "At best we'll be splitting it four ways."

"I am forced to reach that conclusion, as well," Abby said.

"Wait, why only four?" Devon asked.

"Because we all know you're a screamer," Kelly said, then cackled.

"What? No..." Devon's face went so hot you could roast marshmallows off it.

"It's always the quiet ones," Megan said.

"I concur," Abby said.

It was time. I reached into the box on the counter next to me and distributed the five vibrating eggs. The room went silent.

"Whenever you're ready," I said.

"Can't we do this someplace private?" Devon asked.

"I need to see you put them in," I said, "Otherwise you could cheat."

"Jeez, it's no big deal," Megan said. She hiked up her yellow dress, revealing a pair of white, thong panties. She saw me staring and gave me a lascivious grin, tossing back her long, wavy, reddish-brown hair. Like it was nothing, Megan pulled her underwear to the side and, 'pop,' in went the egg. All set, the buxom woman flopped back down into her seat, smiling like the cat that got the canary. Or the pussy that ate the gold-colored egg, in any case.

"Fuck it," Kelly said. My athletic roommate stood up and threw off her mesh shorts. She had on a pair of navy-blue briefs, closer to men's athletic underwear. She pulled them down, stuffed the egg inside herself, and replaced her panties. Then she flopped back down, keeping her short, shapely legs crossed.

Abby was next. She slid her jeans down her skinny legs. She was wearing a pair of perfectly functional, bikini cut, crimson underwear. She pulled them to the side and inserted the egg. Matching Kelly, the blonde girl left her slacks piled on the floor. She fixed her glasses, then sat back.

Grace rolled her eyes. She lifted up her skirt to reveal a pair of lacy, black panties. Very tasteful and probably expensive as all get out. She put the egg up to her opening, then made a slightly pained face.

"Hm," she said.

"You need some lube?" I asked.

"It's fine," Grace said. She worked the egg back and forth into her sex. The prim, pretty girl was practically putting on a performance for us. Finally, she got the egg inside and flipped her skirt back down over her bare legs.

Devon was last to go and she looked ready to cry. She played nervously with the buttons of her jeans, but she seemed incapable of undoing them.

"I can't," she said.

"Seriously, what's the big deal, we all did it," Kelly said, "You don't have a magical unicorn cunt, Devon. It's no different than the other four we've already seen."

"I know, I just... I'm out. I can't do this. I quit. Enjoy my money." Devon stood up from her chair and marched out of the room. Her blonde curls bounced jauntily as she went. I honestly felt bad for the girl. I'd always had a soft spot for her, she was so sweet and shy. Also, I knew that, of all of us, Devon was the least able to afford the buy-in. But I didn't know what to say that would stop her.

Just as Devon was about to reach the door, Megan jumped in front of her. Silently, she put her hands on the quiet girl's shoulders and steered her back to her seat.