Struggling to Survive Pt. 01

I started this story a while ago, but it sat on my laptop for a while. I recently picked it back up and attempted to finish it. By then I had a whole new perspective for how I wanted this story to go. As with another story I wrote, "To Have and to Cuckold", the characters grew and the story started to write itself. I was just a passenger along for the ride. These people aren't 2 dimensional people. They have a duality about them. As people well know about me, I don't do heroes and villains. Good guys vs. Bad guy. I feel that we all have a little of both. So I write stories that reflect that.

However, I have run into a problem. This story grew from being a 3 chapter story to 5. But I am only on chapter 4. I am stuck and have been having trouble figuring out how to get past it. After a while, I decided to post the first three chapters. I know that there are a few people out there who give good commentary and constructive criticism. I am hoping that their comments will spur me and help me through this quagmire.

Because of this, I will be monitoring the comments. I ask those with ideas or criticism to comment generously and leave nothing back. I have to warn you though, comments that add nothing to the story will be deleted. This includes attacks on me, other commenters, and anything that takes away from friendly debate and insight. There is a difference between disagreeing and trolling. I don't mind negative comments or criticism (on the contrary, I learn from them), but it has to be respectful to me and to other viewers. Also, it should be valid and have some sort of thought to it. Comments like: 1 *, This shit sucks is not valid, nor does it have any thought. It will be considered trolling and will be deleted with the rest. If you want to attack me, click on the "Contact" tab and send me your feedback. That way, I can ignore it without having it affect others. If you see trolling comments, I would advise not to answer them. Otherwise, your comments will also be deleted when I get to it. I have been guilty of getting caught up in comment warfare from time to time, but I am making an effort to do my part. It isn't fair to the authors or each other when we take away from the story and attack each other. Let's respect each other's differences.

Thank you all.

KARA - AGE 19:

"Mmmmm. You a sexy li'l thang, ain't you? How old are you, sweetie?"

"Nineteen." I answered in a small, unsure voice. The man behind the desk nodded as he stroked his goatee.

"Get up and turn around, baby girl. Let me see the junk you packin back there."

His deep baritone voice dripped with lust as his eyes scoured my body. His hands folded into an arch as his elbows were planted in the desk in front of him. The dim lighting that was cast from the overhead bulbs reflected off of his bald head.

As commanded, I stood and turned around so that he could get a good look at my ass. I could feel his eyes mentally undressing me.

"Nice. Bend over and put your hands on the couch. Yeah, like that. Now, arch your back and stick it out. Shake it and make it jiggle."

I fought the tears that stung at the corner of my eyes as I obediently followed his instructions. I could hear his intake of breath as he admired my "assets".

I became startled when I heard him get out of his seat. I looked back in fear as he approached me. Oh God! What am I doing here?

I felt him place his hand on ass and caress me through my short mini skirt. I had to force myself not to slap his hands away as he fondled me obscenely.

"Mmmm. That's right mama. Get nasty for Uncle Sal."

I made an attempt to protest, but all that came out of me was a small whimper. "Uncle Sal" shushed me in what was supposed to be a calming tone; however, it did anything but. His hand kept caressing and kneading the soft tissues of my ass. Then, I felt the hem of my skirt rise as the cool air touch all the parts not covered by my thong. My ass came into view. His whistle signaled his appreciation.

"Damn girl. You definitely working with something back here."

With that I felt a stinging slap on my right butt cheek. Humiliation isn't even the word for what went through me. It was like I was no longer a person. I was the sum of female body parts. I was two tits, an ass, a pussy, and some long legs that were only made for spreading.

Then, just like that, I didn't feel his presence behind me anymore. I had my eyes squeezed shut by this time and I didn't want to open them to see if he was still there.

"Okay baby girl. You got the job."

I was surprised to hear that his voice came from across the room instead of behind me. I dared to open my eyes and looked back to see him sitting once again behind his desk.

"Get with Candy to show you the ropes. She'll introduce you to the other girls and get you hooked up with our lingerie guy to get you a wardrobe."

His voice was so business like that I was taken aback for a minute. The fear that I had of being fucked by a complete stranger evaporated and I found myself relieved. His deep laugh cut through my thoughts.

"You thought I was going to fuck you?" he said as he read my thoughts. All I could do was shrug.

"Sorry for scaring you like that, Ma. I had to see how you would react. When you're out there on the floor, that's the kind of treatment you can expect from the guys who come here. They ain't here for your charming personality."

He laughed at my discomfort again. It wasn't a warm laugh, like when someone gives you the punchline to a joke. It was more condescending. Like the joke was on me.

"You don't ever have to worry about me trying to fuck you Ma. I never fuck any of my girls."

I didn't know whether I should be offended or relieved. I didn't want to him to fuck me, that was for sure. He didn't seem like the type of man who sweeps a girl off of her feet with romantic kisses and sweet words. More like he would take his clothes off and say, "Suck my dick bitch!"

Still, from his demeanor it seemed like he felt that he was too good to fuck any of the girls here. Like they - or we for that matter - were beneath him. Fucking any of us would somehow taint him.

He observed me curiously for a moment. I think my emotions played out like a movie on my face. Humiliation, anger, uncertainty, anxiety, all of those were probably apparent. As he watched me, his face kind of fell. It could have been a look compassion, or perhaps pity. I couldn't be sure. He was so rigid and hard that it was difficult to tell if he even had emotions.

"You seem like a nice girl. You're not like the others. I can tell. Maybe you got caught up in some shit that you had no business doing, or maybe you just need some quick cash under the table. I don't know your reasons for being here. But I will tell you this. If you don't toughen up, this place will eat you alive. The girls that you will be working with can be jealous and catty. All of you are basically competing for the same things. Money. Attention. A sense that you are worth something. The men that come here aren't that much better. They won't care if you're having a bad day. They could give a fuck about your personal life. To them you are tits and ass."

I let this soak in as he paused to light a cigarette. I wanted to burst into tears and go running into the street, but I had nowhere to go. My parents kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant, and I wasn't going to have an abortion. My dad called me a slut and said that he didn't have sluts for daughters. I was able to stay with friends and relatives until I had Dean (my son). However, the patience and grace that I was given started running low when Dean's powerful lungs made sleep a rare item. As shitty as this place was, it was the only thing I had going for me.

After Sal took a couple of puffs from his cigarette, he continued. "Whatever it is that brought you here, hold on to that. Remember, this is just a job. Quick money. Don't get caught up in the other bullshit. Seen it happen too many times."

He got up from his desk and guided me out to Candy. She took one look at me, and her face told exactly what she thought of me. Let me tell you, she was not thinking about how wonderful it was to have another sister in the fold.

"Candy, show Kara around the joint. Make sure she has everything she needs."

Candy barely nodded in acknowledgement. She glared at me through evil squinted eyes and popped her gum. If it were possible to absolutely loathe someone on first sight, it was what happened between us. I think she would have grabbed a blade and sliced my face if she could have gotten away with it.

Sal slapped my ass and turned to walk back into his office. He stopped like he just had another thought.

"Oh yeah Kara. Make sure you come up with a stage name. Something sexy that men want to yell out as they are bustin nuts inside of their dried up, pruned ass wives. When they are fucking those dusty old broads, I want them fantasizing about you." With that he was gone, leaving me alone with the She Devil.

Sal's warning proved to be true in no time. Most of the girls were catty and jealous. They treated me like I was there to steal their money. They talked about me like I wasn't even in the room. They bumped into me when they passed me. It was utterly horrible.

There was one girl who didn't behave like the rest. Her stage name was Starlet. She wasn't exactly nice, but she didn't despise me on first sight. In fact, she didn't really acknowledge me at all. She gave off a phlegmatic vibe. It was like I was nothing to her.

She actually treated all of the girls like that. When Starlet was in the dressing room putting on her makeup and costume, she didn't interact with any of us. It was as if none of us existed to her. She simply came in, dressed, and went out on the floor to look for lap dances. At the end of the night she simply disappeared.

The other girls seemed to have some sort of unspoken respect for her, and simply left her alone. They didn't taunt her as they did me, nor did they include her in anything they did. In fact, they seemed to move out of her way when she passed by. There was a certain coldness to her that people recognized as silently deadly. Basically, she was someone that you knew not to fuck with.

At least, that was my first impression of her. But as I would find out, that was simply a mask that she wore. She would eventually turn out to be the best friend I could have ever had, though I didn't know it at the time.

The first time I was about to take the stage, which was actually a couple of days after I was hired, I was so afraid that I almost ran out of there never to return. I'd already vomited twice before out of nerves. I sat in the area behind the stage wringing my hands together and wiping tears. I was dressed as Princess Jasmine from the Disney cartoon "Aladdin". If Princess Jasmine were a slutty prostitute that is. Sal came up to me and took me aside.

"How you doing baby girl?"

I nodded my head to indicate that I was fine, but I couldn't force my mouth to say the lie. It didn't matter. He really didn't care anyway.

"Remember what I said. This is a job. Just go out there and be sexy. Move with the music. Make their dicks hard. I want them fantasizing about you sitting on their face. Above all else, don't fuck up."

He gave me a smile that was probably supposed to be reassuring as he slapped me on the ass before he left. I stood there confused and even more nervous than I was before he showed. Was that supposed to be some kind of pep talk? If it was, then it sucked big time.

"Hey Jazmin." I heard from behind me. I turned to look at Starlet, who was going on stage after me. Unlike me, she seemed cool as a cucumber. She could have been ordering a pizza instead of shaking her tits in a room full of strangers.

I hadn't really looked at her straight on before that moment, but as I did I was almost taken aback by how pretty she was. Even with all of the make-up, I could see how natural her beauty really was. Her lips were full and her face was sort of round, yet her features were distinguished.

"Hey girl. You look like you gonna pass out."

The only thing I could do was wipe the tears that were trying to ruin my makeup. Starlet shook her head and rubbed my shoulder. For some reason, her touch seemed to relax me a little.

"What's your real name, Jazmin?"

"Kara." My name sounded foreign, even in my own voice. Starlet held out her hand in a gesture that told me to shake it. I grabbed it and couldn't help but to smile at her.

"My name's Sandra."

The loud whoops and cat calls coming from the stage broke the tranquility and had the butterflies return to my stomach. Sandra chuckled as she looked toward the sound.

"I guess Cat did that thing with her ass cheeks. That always gets them going."

Once again fear gripped me, and I actually tried to run out of there. Sandra saw the direction I was headed and cut me off at the pass. She grabbed both shoulders and focused my attention once more on her.

"Hey Kara. Calm down sweetie. Okay? It's gonna be okay."

I began to breathe deeply. For some reason, she made me feel safe. I felt the anxiety dial down as I recaptured my senses.

"Why are you here honey?" she asked. Her tone was that of a curious person. Like she saw me as someone who was out of my element and she was wondering what could have brought me to such a place. Her eyes were soft with sympathy though, so it didn't come off as condescending.

"I...I have a son. His name is Dean. We don't have anyone else. He...he needs me to..."

Starlet nodded her head in understanding. "You got a picture of him?"

"It's in my purse in my locker."

"How old is he?"

"One." I choked out. I silently prayed that the waterworks stayed behind the dam that I'd built.

"Listen to me Kara. When you are up there on that stage, forget about the crowd. Forget about the other girls. You aren't Kara up there. Leave her back here. Let Jazmin go out there and do what has to be done. Don't think of her as being you. She is someone that is going to help you feed Dean. Every time one of those assholes gropes her, just remind yourself that he just paid for Dean's next meal. They are just money to you. Walking, talking wallets. They aren't your friends, or your Prince Charming.

Just figure out which of those wallets are worth your time, and you give those guys your attention. Don't waste time with the cheapskates and the sweet talkers. You just use them like they are going to try to use you. Got it?"

All I could do was nod. Sandra then pulled me in for a hug. It felt safe. I immediately knew that she was my friend. I was still nervous, but I felt a sense of focus. This was for Dean. No one else mattered

"AND NOW, FOR YOUR PLEASURE, I GIVE YOU A NEW COMER TO THE STAGE. GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE GIRL WHO STOLE ALADDIN'S HEART! THE EVER LOVELY, THE SUPER SEXY...PRINCESS JAZMIN!"

The DJ's voice blared over the cheering crowd to announce my first time on stage. The whistles and the applause signaled their appreciation at the first glimpse of the new girl. Sandra looked at me and nodded toward the stage. "Time to get to work Jazmin. Get that money."

TOM: SEVEN YEARS LATER

"Tom, I want you to meet the new secretary, Kara."

I looked up from my paperwork at Greg. Next to him stood a stunningly beautiful woman whom I presumed was Kara.

Kara wore very little make up and was dressed very conservatively. It was like she was trying to make herself less attractive than she really was. Her skirt was very business-like, almost to the point of being unflattering. Her blouse was loose and buttoned all the way to the top. On her feet she wore flats that looked like they belonged on Shirley Temple.

She was definitely trying hard to downplay her beauty. But she was failing miserably at it. Nothing could hide the protrusion of her blouse, no matter how loose it was. Her skirt was straight and didn't curve to her hips in the slightest, but the small of her back still sloped out when it reached her ass. On top of that, there was nothing she could do to hide that face. Make up or not, she was stunning.

I extended my hand for her to shake, and she grabbed it softly. I did my best not to ogle her and gave her the same courtesy I would a male employee.

"Nice to meet you Kara. I certainly hope you last longer than the last secretary."

Her face showed concern at my comment. She shot Greg a brief look only to find him smiling.

"Tom, no need scaring the new girl."

"Oh come on Greg! I think that Kara need to know that the last secretary ran out of here after only a week. It appears that her boss was a real asshole to work for."

Kara looked like it just registered to her that I was joking. She gave me a warm smile and looked over to Greg, who by now was laughing.

"You know Tom; I was thinking that maybe I should just train Kara how to do your job so that I can simply fire you. I mean, it can't be that hard to learn everything you know. I'm sure Kara could learn your job in, what, two hours?"

By now the three of us were laughing. Seeing Kara laugh only added to her beauty. You couldn't help but to like her.

"Greg, for your information, it would take at least three hours. However, part of my job is putting up with your pompous ass. That could take decades to master."

"Touché Tom. I guess we're stuck with each other for the long haul. You'll probably be still working here long after I'm gone"

"One can only hope Greg."

After another laugh I watched the two of them walk off. I was staring so hard that I didn't notice that Kara had turned around to give me a second glance before she rounded the corner. When my eyes met hers for that brief second, she gave me a shy smile, like she knew I was checking her out and she felt embarrassed by my appraisal.

She intrigued me to no end.

I saw Kara frequently throughout the week. She learned her job very quickly, and was a big hit. Over time, she became more comfortable with the people in the office and began to open up. She always wore a smile on her face, and greeted everyone who passed by her desk. Even when she was on the phone, she would give a smile and a nod to let you know that she was saying hi.

We all fell in love with her. She was beautiful, yes, but she was very warm and pleasant also. She brought a certain sunshine with her. The secretary that she replaced, Agnes, was a sixty-year-old woman who almost never smiled. She spoke in a monotone voice about everything. This never bothered us though. She'd been with the company for 20+ years. We became so used to her personality that we hardly noticed it. Yet the vast difference between her and Kara was like opening up the blinds and realizing that it was a beautiful day outside.

It wasn't until 4 months later that I asked her out on a date. She smiled at me sweetly, then she turned me down.

"I can't Tom. You are a really great guy, and I'm not just saying that. You are. You're handsome, funny, and really sweet. But I'm not in a place that I can date anyone. I have a son at home and he takes up all of my energy. I honestly don't have room for anybody else in my life."

My disappointment must have shown on my face. She grabbed my hand and held it.

"Believe me Tom, if things were any different I would go out with you in a heartbeat. Really. Don't go away thinking that I don't like you."

How is it possible to reject someone's advances and still make them feel like the luckiest guy in the world? I walked away disappointed yet happy.

After that day, I noticed that she was extra warm to me. Maybe it was my imagination, or wishful thinking, but it seemed like she smiled more brightly when I addressed her than when the others did. She gave me lingering looks when she thought I wasn't looking at her. When she laughed at my jokes, she always touched my arm or shoulder. She leaned in to whisper things to me. We all know these tell-tale signs as those of light flirting. Even though she gave these subtle hints of attraction, she kept a certain amount of distance that let me know that she hadn't reconsidered dating me.