Snow Drop

"Oh my God, I'm sorry."

"Me too," Julie said, and with a grim smile, "Even more sorry I didn't brain him."

"I'll bet. Jesus, what an asshole."

"It was a lot of paranoia on his end. He constantly had to check on me at work, make sure I was where I said I was. Really possessive stuff like that. Checking my phone for messages, calling me at random times when I was out with friends. One time he had a friend tail me to a club. I should have gotten out way sooner but you cling to that... that idea, you know? Of being together."

"How bad was the divorce?"

"Like the actual proceedings?"

"Yeah."

"Not as terrible as I expected," Julie said, slowing further as she chewed on that. "But still kind of ugly. I always used to forgive him because he could be so sweet and normal for a while after a fight. He thought the divorce was going to be the same old same old, with me coming back after a couple weeks. But when I served him, he started coming apart at the seams little by little. He started seeing a therapist, but it was all performative. He would text me pictures of him at the therapist's office, then get mad when I wasn't swayed. Just to take one last swipe at me, in the end he told me he slept with my best friend. If he couldn't have me, he might as well try to destroy everything."

"Jeez. Just going to repeat again. Total asshole."

"Right?"

One of the other clients came out of the showers, and Colin excused himself to see them off. Two more came in right then, and he checked them in. When Julie looked at her phone, she realized it was about that time of the day people would start getting off work and she was probably distracting Colin from his duties. She stopped her treadmill and started toweling herself off. When Colin came back, he stopped to gape for just a moment at her butt in profile to him, and Julie caught him.

"Uh, sorry," he said, looking away from her.

Julie smiled. "I'm not."

"Ah."

"Do you, ah... God, I feel like a teenager again with you. Um, do you want to go to dinner sometime?" Julie asked, her cheeks flushed and not from the treadmill.

"Yeah. Sure." He blinked. "What, ah... when, ah... should I, ah...?"

Julie giggled. "This is my last day off for a week. Is tonight too soon?"

"Yes! No. I mean..." He rubbed his face. "Yes. Tonight would be perfect."

"I'm glad I'm not the only flustered one here."

* * *

Colin planned on taking Julie out, but the weather had other ideas, and the day's breeze became a howl they couldn't ignore. When he walked up Julie's driveway, she threw open the door and called to him, "We are so not going out tonight."

"Oh. Okay. Well, we can do something next week."

She laughed. "Not what I meant. Get in here."

The wind kicked up again right then and nearly yanked the door from her hand. Colin hurried to grab it, leaving his hand just above hers and the two of them intimately close. Despite the freezing wind, he stopped to drink Julie in. The spill of her blonde hair down across her shoulders and her back. Her jacket sweater buttoned just once under her breasts as if to force his eyes down to them, a trick he was definitely susceptible to. Her long legs in black leggings under a short skirt he wanted to explore.

Colin couldn't help himself. Still gripping the door, he wrapped his other hand around her back and kissed her. It was awkward, and too fast, and she reached out to grab his hand and pull the screen door closed behind him. They stepped away from the door just far enough he could kick it closed with his heel, and Colin chased her lips again, his big hands going to her back, her ass, her back again. She moaned against his lips as he squeezed her bottom and pushed her back towards the couch.

The perfume dabbed on her neck drew his lips to the soft hollows and she moaned again as her legs hit the couch and they fell onto it. His rough hand came around, slid under her sweater. He marveled at the softness of her, the ripeness, and he filled her lungs with an explosive breath of need. Her bra and the treasure underneath filled his palm and he leaned down to nuzzle the stretch of fabric between her slopes. She gripped his ears, tugged him back up, and he was hungering after her lips again, their tongues darting together, teasing.

Julie pushed herself up just far enough to unbutton and tug at her sweater and he helped her. They got it off before he was gone again, staring down at her breasts pushed up high and proud by her bra. She bit her lip as he went for the front-facing clasp. His mouth dropped to her warm skin, his lips enveloping her thick nipple, sucking it.

"Colin," she moaned, and he slid down further.

"Lift your ass," he said, and she did. He pulled her skirt up and the leggings down, and his face was at her cunt through the fabric of her panties. She loved that, loved the pressure of his tongue sliding up and down her silk-covered slit, and she went electric when he added his thumb to the gesture, dragging back up until he reached her clit through the panties. He yanked them down and wasted no time sucking her nub into his mouth.

His hand shot up to her breast. Julie took it and brought it further still, hooking her fingers around two of his and sucking his digits into her mouth like it was his cock. He grunted in surprise and pleasure, and his hot breath against her nub felt so good.

Two of Colin's fingers, then three, slid into her pussy as he licked Julie's clit, fingering her wet depths fast. Her thighs pressed against his head, her feet digging into the cushions. She strained up with her hips, the pleasure too intense to last long.

"Oh fuck ohhh, Colin, ohhhhh!"

She jolted back and forth, her orgasm hitting her as fast as she'd ever experienced. One of her feet kicked out and dropped to the floor, her thighs spreading wide for him now. He moved his lips down, yanking his fingers out to savor the taste of her, first from his fingers and then her wet depts, dragging his tongue through her again before settling in, tonguing her pussy as he rubbed her clit.

"Tell me how you like your clit played with," he said, his lips wet with her need.

"I'd say you're doing a p-pretty good job," Julie gasped, and dropped her head back as he laughed against her pussy. Even that felt good. She didn't know why and she didn't care. He chased her second orgasm as fast and as intent as the first. His fingers at her mouth came back down to her breast, then underneath her to her ass and he squeezed the toned flesh, grunting his pleasure against her. He pulled away long enough to suck that thumb into his mouth, and Julie wasn't sure why until his hand roamed back underneath her.

Her eyes widened as his thumb brushed her bud, then slipped in to the knuckle. "Oh FUCK!" she cried out.

His licking bordered on out of control while he thumbed her ass and stroked his clit. His cock raged to be let loose, and he wanted to take her right there, right then. Not yet, not yet, he told himself, and that snarling, animalistic side of him told him to hurry it up then. So he did, sucking her clit, driving his tongue down lower, eating her out with hungry smacks.

Julie twisted, bounced. She grabbed Colin's hair, yanked his head against her depths. Her thighs smacked together against his ears again, and she couldn't help herself, a high keen of need escaping her. "Again, ooohh, mmmm, mmmm, ah huh!"

Her first orgasm had been fast, but her second hit like a bolt. Her back popped from the pleasure, her voice stilled, her hips bounced up and down. When she could breathe again, she gasped, "Oh God, oh God, I need you I need you..."

He shot up her body and kissed her hungrily as his thumb slid free of her ass. She wrapped herself around him, grinding up against his cock still in his slacks. He seemed plenty big, and that excited her into even more mindless humping -- and that's what it was, her body taking over, her need dominating any free will she might have had. They were like animals, barely aware there was still clothing between them.

Finally Colin stood upright, and Julie shot up after him. They frantically yanked at his clothes until they were both nude, and she grabbed his hand to guide him to the bedroom. Colin watched her ass bounce ahead of him and couldn't wait that long. At the kitchen table he grabbed Julie and bent her down over it. His cock slapped against her ass and he pushed it downward against her wet slit.

"Fu-" Julie started, then he plunged into her, his big cock stretching her around him. "-UCK ME!"

He did. He grabbed her hands and pinned them against her back just above her ass. Her breasts brushed the tabletop as he hammered into her from behind, unable to control himself. He was so big, filled her so well, her every pleasure center well and truly satisfied. Hair fell across her face and her eyes rolled up with the intense waves of pleasure. She had good sex before. This was beyond that. This was amazing sex. This was the kind of sex that left her mind a gibbering, delighted thing that could only think of their connection and the unstoppable sensations flooding her.

Julie gurgled as she came again, this time a mere shadow of her other two, but her body was so overloaded with feelings it dragged on and on like that. He let go of one of her hands and grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her back up and firing his hips against hers as she looked over her shoulder, utterly sightless, mouth wide open. He clamped his lips down on her shoulder, sucked, and started fucking her again, harder, harder.

"I want this ass," Colin moaned.

"T-take it, it's yours, it's yours," Julie panted, and oh God, he was pulling out of her, his cock so slick, and he was spitting into his palm before rubbing it into her bud. Was he really going to...?

His cockhead pressed against her bud. Then in.

If she didn't like playing with anal toys, he would have never fit, but Julie loved to be filled there and was prepared -- at least for the first inch of him. That was all she could take that time. "Right... about there..." she gasped.

Gone to his lust as he was, Colin listened and rocked his hips just that deep, one hand on her ass, the other her waist. She sank back down as he pushed back and forth, her eyes closing. He filled her so much. So very much. This was the same Colin from high school?

He didn't last long, his hips bucking in hard, short strokes. He tried to ride the wave as long as he could, but finally he came, came, came. His first few shots filled Julie, then he yanked out, his warmth shooting across her ass, her back.

He stumbled a half foot backwards, his hand coming up to his forehead. "Oh shit, Julie..."

Julie pushed herself upright and twisted to face Colin on shaky legs. She threw her arms around him, and he held her tight, both of them laughing breathlessly.

"So... uh... pasta sound all right for dinner?" she asked.

"Dinner? Yeah. Right. Dinner."

But they never did eat that night.

* * *

They settled into a pretty easy rhythm. Colin understood Julie's job required some long hours that could sometimes leak into even more, so instead of planning anything, they agreed they would fly solo for meals and she would pop over in the evenings if she got off early enough. That first week, the hospital hopped, largely thanks to a bunch of cold weather-related incidents. Julie came over twice, both for a quickie.

Their third night together, when Julie fell away from him, gasping and sweaty, he held her tight and said, "So. I kind of have a confession we need to talk about, and probably four or five days ago."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"Now, keep in mind, I've not seen any of them since you and I started hooking up, but I'm kind of... um..."

"The town gigolo?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

He winced. "Ah. You heard."

"My sister-in-law told me."

"Oh, that's right, Shannon is Amy's cousin."

"Uh huh."

"So how busted am I?"

"How intent are you on sleeping with them again?"

For an answer to that, he leaned over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand beside her. She took the opportunity to kiss his arm, and he laughed. He settled back with the phone and dialed a number, putting it on speaker.

Amy's bubbly voice answered. "Hey stud! I was just thinking about you."

Julie snickered and clapped a hand to her mouth. Colin said quickly, "Ah, hey, Amy. Um. I just wanted to say it's been really, really great, but..."

"Who snagged you?" Amy said, still cheerful. "We have a pool going."

"Ah, Julie. Fisher."

"Aw, crap, I don't think anybody had her. Well... Colin, it's been a lot of fun. I'm going to miss you. And I take it that's her in the background trying not to laugh?"

"It is," Julie said. "Hi Amy. Long time no see."

"You too, hon. Take care of our man, okay? He's a special one, no matter what some bozos might think."

"I will," Julie said, and reached down to stroke Colin's spent cock.

"And hey, if you ever want a third..."

"Uh," Colin said blankly. "Um. Thanks. I think she's plenty to wear me out."

"Well, maybe as a special birthday present or something," Julie said and squeezed him tighter.

"Holy shit," Colin said. "I'm going to, ah, hang up now. And have that image in my head forever."

Amy laughed. "See you, Colin. Thanks for the fun times."

"Thank you. It was genuinely my pleasure. You all helped me with a..." He hesitated. "A lot of dark times. So thanks. Really."

When he hung up, he turned on Julie. "Okay, that was evil."

"What?" she said innocently. "I really might like a treat on my birthday. Or your birthday. Or anybody's birthday, really."

They made a handful of calls like that, all of them surprisingly upbeat. Amy called ahead to a few, so the word was out.

"I guess we're official now," Julie said.

"I guess," Colin said, overemphasizing the mopiness in his voice.

"Uh, Colin, that was an awful lot of women. You've been tested, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn't explain. The two firm rules for everybody were that we all had to be tested regularly, and birth control, either them or me. Speaking of..."

She chuckled. "It's okay. I'm on the shot. I just reupped so if we're talking long-term commitments here, kids are going to have to wait a while." He fell silent at that, and Julie's chin hit her chest. "Yeah. No good way of sneaking that one in there, huh?"

He smiled faintly. "It's okay. I just... haven't had to think long-term in... well, a long time."

"Did you and Silje ever want kids? Is that prying too much?"

"No. I'm an open book to you." Colin considered that, thought about Julie's father coming up the path on the mountain that horrible day, and shook his head. "Well... mostly an open book. There are a few things..."

"It's okay," Julie said. "Whatever it is, tell me when you're ready. Or not."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. But as for kids, Silje didn't want to risk children having her... her fugues. She was scared of her temper. No. Scared isn't big enough. It terrified her, what that could potentially mean to a child. I wanted kids with her but not if she didn't feel comfortable with it. And in the end, I think we made the best decision we could have."

"I wish you could have had some too. But you do? Want kids?"

"Yeah." Colin cleared his throat. "You?"

"Yes. And this might scare you off, but maybe sooner rather than later."

He nodded. "It doesn't scare me off. Whew. Let's keep the awkward big question train rolling. Did the first marriage scare you off from a second?"

"No. I still want to believe in it, silly as it sounds. The one. True love. All the Hallmark movie stuff." She smiled faintly. "God, I forgot about this, but Silje and I totally went to a Christmas party sleepover where we watched like... six of those damn Hallmark Christmas movies. She bawled. I did too."

"There wasn't a Christmas movie she didn't like. She loved the holidays. Romance too. So much so in fact..." He kissed the top of Julie's head and slipped out of bed. "Stay there. I want to show you something."

Julie did, nestling into the pillows and watching his bare bottom as Colin walked out of the bedroom. A minute later, he came back with a paperback in hand. When he slid back into bed, he handed it over.

"It's not a secret, but the only people who really know about it are her parents, mine, and me."

Julie looked at the cover. "Love Heart Sick," by Mari Ross. She pressed a hand to her breast. "Oh my God, she wrote this?"

Colin nodded. "She was working on it when we graduated and published it a month or two later. Writing helped focus her, calm her down back then. She couldn't write consistently, but when she did go off on a jag, she'd stay up all night right in front of her laptop. Page after page. She wrote a whole novel in a week."

Julie flipped the book over and looked at the back matter. There was an author bio and beside it a picture of the backs of two people's heads. Colin and Silje's. Nothing that would identify her to a stranger, but to anyone who knew her, it was intimately her in subtle ways. The inside inscription choked her up.

"'To C, forever,'" Julie whispered. "How many did she write?"

"Twenty-three that she published while she was alive. Ten more she finished and held back for me to..." Colin's voice tightened and he cleared his throat. Julie took his hand and squeezed. "She wanted me to publish one a year on her birthday." He chuckled but it held no joy. "The books are how I've been making my living. She had a pretty good following, enough we bought this house and her bills didn't choke us. Still my guardian angel."

"That's beautiful," Julie said, and meant it. She put aside the book and nestled into him, kissing his chest, his chin. He cried, and she held him, and cried too. She thought about meeting Brendan at a mutual friend's party. Thought about the goofy, sweet man she fell in love with. About the happiest day of her life, dancing with the man who was supposed to be her forever.

About the way lives twist and break.

It was not a good night, but it was the night both of them realized this was the start of something. When Colin hardened again, they made love for the first time, true, achingly sweet love, and Colin whispered Julie's name with such tenderness she cried again. For him. For Silje. For herself. For that oldest, most comfortable of emotion, the one that lifted them up, made them better, whether that was just for a while or eternity.

* * *

Colin dug in the filing cabinet and pulled out what Silje called the Death and Taxes file, a joke he didn't understand. In it was all the information he would need to publish the novels, along with contact information for everybody on that end. That wasn't all though. In it were her assembled loose thoughts for his future, things she wrote down and stuffed away through their adulthood together. Her recipes for Colin's favorite foods. A list of the fifteen women in town she thought he should pursue first. A list of about fifty women that if he slept with them, she would come back and haunt him forever. The cover to a magazine, a vacation she wanted him to take one day because they talked about it for five minutes in a clinic waiting room while waiting to hear back on the innumerable tests in the last few years of her life.

In it too, laminated so Colin never lost it, were the instructions. Not for her death or for her funeral, but the instructions for his life. These he read nearly every night for two years after her death, and hadn't pulled them out since. Now he did, feeling a tremble deep in his soul as he thought about the truth of what he wanted to do. It felt like betrayal on some level, and he needed the assurance of Silje, even if it was just in written word.

As though her breathy, deep voice were speaking aloud in his ear, he read the words he needed to, right at the very top of the page.