Rue the Day

There is not a lot of sex in this one, like most of my stories there is just enough to move the story along. I appreciate all comments and ask that you read and comment on any of my stories.

*****

"It meant nothing! It was only sex."

"Deborah, you will rue the day you said that!" My husband, Kurt, stated as he stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. That terrified me. I wasn't afraid he would physically hurt me, my husband was not a violent man. However, when he made statements like that, he wasn't saying it flippantly. It was more of a promise, actually more of a statement of fact. I shivered at the thought.

My husband of 10 years somehow learned of my 6 week fling with John from work. He had confronted me with pictures of us kissing, coming out of a hotel room. That led to the argument that culminated in that statement.

I picked up my phone and tried calling him. He must have turned his phone off because it went straight to voicemail. "Kurt, please come back. We need to talk. I know you're mad, and rightfully so, but I still love you. I made a stupid mistake. Please call me!"

I had made a stupid mistake. I got involved with a coworker, John Putnam. He is a middle manager and I am a paper pusher (admin asst). I knew it was wrong, yet I did it anyways.

We had been casually flirting for the last two years. You know how that is, little things said that could be totally innocent but had sexual innuendo. We laughed about it and smiled about it the whole time. I have to admit though, it got my motor running and made me tingle in my panties.

Two months ago, however, we were both leaving work at the same time and he asked me if I wanted to go grab a drink. "Sure, one drink will be fine. You can't expect to take advantage of a girl after only one drink." We both laughed.

That's when it started. We went out for a drink a few more times, and one drink led to 3 or 4. I'm not blaming it on the drink, I was enjoying the attention.

My husband, Kurt Coleman, didn't ignore me or take me for granted, so I couldn't use that excuse either. Oh, he worked long hours, but he put me first when he was home.

I was just stupid, self-indulgent actually. The first time was exciting, like when you're 10 and stealing a piece of candy because your best friend dared you. After that first time the Pandora's Box was opened so what could it hurt? Over the next 6 weeks we explored each other's bodies.

With Kurt I was somewhat reserved, I didn't want him to think I was a slut. With John, however, there were no holes barred, literally.

I let him cum in my mouth, something I wouldn't let Kurt do. I even swallowed once. I didn't like it, so didn't do it again. I let him take me in every position and in all my holes. Anal was painful at first, but I got used to it and although it wasn't my preference, it did add some variety that I could offer John.

We both knew that is was just a fling. He was married also, and neither one of us wanted to change that. Now, however that might not be my choice. Kurt was not the kind of guy to accept what I had done. It would take a lot of groveling from me to get him back, if I could at all.

We have been married 10 years. It is both our first marriages. "First marriages", I can't believe I'm even thinking that way. I guess subconsciously I know that my first marriage may be over soon.

We had both waited to get married. He was 30 and I was 28. We both had been in a couple long relationships, but they weren't what we were looking for in a mate. That was just one of the many similarities between us. We both enjoyed the same type of music, movies, TV programs, and even vacations. Neither of us like to lie on a beach. We wanted to see and do things. Whether it was museums, architecture of old buildings, hiking, biking or just enjoying a drive through the countryside. We both enjoyed it, together.

If Kurt did divorce me, and I would fight it to the end, I would have a hard time finding anyone else that was so perfect for me.

"Oh, why did I do it?" I said out loud. "Why was I such an idiot?"

I tried calling Kurt again, still no answer.

We never decided to start a family. I guess by not deciding we had decided. I guess that was one bright spot. There were no kids to be affected by a divorce. "I can't think that way, we're not getting a divorce." I told myself.

I stared at the phone, hoping he would call. I looked at the last few text messages he had sent me. It was there and I had missed it.

Kurt: When will you be home?

Me: Just grabbed a drink with the girls. Be home in about an hour.

Kurt: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Me: You know me.

How could I have missed it? He had known even two weeks ago. Again, I am an idiot.

It was Friday night about 9:00, he would be going to a hotel, unless he came back to throw me out. I hoped he would come back, we needed to talk. I kept trying his phone until 10:30. It always went straight to voicemail. He wouldn't be back tonight, but I would wait on the couch anyways.

As I lay there, not able to sleep, I reviewed my life. High school, I had a few boyfriends. Nothing serious, in fact I was still a virgin when I went to college.

That is when I lost my virginity and my morals, at least for a time. I didn't want to be tied down. I wasn't a slut, but I did party and had quite a few sexual partners. Each one taught me something about life and about myself.

By my senior year I knew who I was, what I wanted. After graduation I dated a couple guys for a couple years each but neither were "the one". I didn't find "the one" until I met Kurt, we just clicked, I knew within the first month.

We dated for 2 years before we got married. I saw the true Kurt. It wasn't hard, he was pretty much an open book, not trying to hide anything from me.

That was also when I saw him make statements that became promises, even facts. There were a few people that had felt his wrath. He wasn't vindictive, just strong in his belief of what was fair and just. That is why I needed to get his forgiveness.

At 11:45 I tried him again. Still no luck. I was going to be a long night.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I awoke to the sun shining through the living room picture window. I got up and headed to the bedroom. I was going to check to see if, by chance, Kurt came home in the middle of the night. The bed was unused. In fact, both of the bedrooms were untouched.

It was 8:30 on Saturday morning. I picked up my phone and tried him again, still no luck. I didn't know what to do. All his family lived hours away, surely he wouldn't have gone there. I didn't want to call our friends. I couldn't explain why I was looking for him nor why he had left. I had to just wait for him to show.

The hours dragged by, still no sign of him. Now I was beginning to worry. I called the police and they were of no help, they had no reports of Kurt or anyone matching his description in any accidents. I called the hospital, no luck there either. He was just holed up somewhere avoiding me.

He might not come back at all. He didn't need any nice work clothes. He was a Maintenance Manager at a local factory, so he wore uniforms. He would change into them when he arrived. So, he really could get by with just a pair of jeans and a few t-shirts. He could pick those up anywhere.

The day dragged on. I tried to stay busy cleaning around the house. I wanted him to see how much I cared for him by caring for our house. I say "our" house, and technically it was. When he wanted to buy it, 9 years ago, I was against it. It was a dump and in a questionable neighborhood. He had to talk me into it. In fact, he said he would pay all the mortgage and all the utilities, I just needed to buy the groceries. I finally succumbed.

He spent a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears turning this home into a showpiece, his showpiece. Also, he saw something in the neighborhood I didn't see. It was now an up and coming neighborhood, a desirable neighborhood to buy in to. I know that with the improvements he's made, the house would sell for 3 times what we paid for it.

I looked around and saw him everywhere, all the big projects and all the little touches. They were all him. Man, I loved that man. "Why did I do what I did?"

Saturday turned into Sunday and then Monday. I called off work, hoping that I would catch him coming home to collect some of his things. I called him at work and was told he had taken the day off, emergency personal time, they called it. If I didn't know how serious this was before, then this told me. Kurt never took off work, except for our vacations. He's even gone in to work sick, puking sick, because he knows how much they depend on him. Well, at least I knew he was still alive.

That evening, about 6:00, Kurt came in the door. I was so happy I ran to him. The expression on his face stopped me in my tracks.

"Oh Kurt, I'm so sorry."

"You will be sorry!"

There was another one of his statements. This one, too, scared me.

"You got to love our court system." He said sarcastically. "You get fucked and I get screwed!"

I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face.

"I went and spoke to a lawyer today about a divorce." He said.

"Oh no, Kurt, please let's not get a divorce." I pleaded.

"We are not getting a divorce! I was told by the lawyer that you would get half of everything; my 401K, our savings, and the house. We'd have to sell the house and split the proceeds. That ain't happening, after all the shit I've done to this house I'm not selling it just to give you half!"

We weren't going to get a divorce! I was so happy to hear that. "Oh Kurt, I know I can make it up to you? We can stay married and I can show you how sorry I am and how much I love you."

He didn't even acknowledge what I'd said.

"This is how it is going to be. We will be cohabitating. I will continue to pay the mortgage and the necessary household bills. You will have to pay for everything else!"

"That's how we've been doing it." I said.

"No, I mean everything else. You will pay your own car note, as well as the insurance. Any credit cards in your name you pay for. I have already paid off any joint credit cards and canceled them. I have moved the money from checking into a new account and will pay my bills from it. We will be married and cohabitating, each of us responsible and answerable to ourselves."

I guess it could be worse, at least we'll be living together. Maybe I can show him how sorry I am, and in time he will forgive me.

At that he turned and walked to our bedroom. I wasn't sure whether to follow him or not. A minute later he came out with arms full of his clothing. He brought it into the guest bedroom and came back out to make another trip. I just stood there and cried. "Is this the beginning of the end?" I thought to myself.

I started preparing dinner and he came out and said, "I'm not hungry, so don't make anything for me." Then he went back into his room. "His room", I was already resigned to the fact that we had separate bedrooms. How long could this last this way?

It was a restless night, but at least my husband was at home. When I got up in the morning, I noticed that he was already gone. I dressed and went to work also. My mind was not on my job. John came by my desk and started small talk, but I shut him down cold. He knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"I just had the worst 4 days of my life. Kurt found out about us." I said in a hushed tone.

He looked mortified. "What's he going to do? Is he going to tell my wife?"

"I don't know, he didn't mention it." I said. "He didn't say much to me at all."

"Is he going to divorce you?" He asked. I could tell he was scared of the fallout.

"He said he is not going to divorce me, but it doesn't sound like it's going to be much of a marriage."

"I'm glad to hear that." He said. Obviously only hearing what he wanted to hear. Perhaps if we didn't get a divorce his marriage would stay intact. I never knew him to be that selfish, but I guess if I was in his shoes, I'd probably be the same way.

He gave me a half-hearted smile and then walked away. I, again, regretted what I had done.

After work I went straight home. I turned on the TV and got no signal from our DirecTV. Nothing new, it happens on a semi-regular basis. I called and they told me the service had been cancelled this morning. I knew Kurt had done this. I told them I would call them back later to reactivate it.

I checked the WIFI, our internet was also canceled. The lights were still on and the house was warm so the gas was still on. I guess I can be grateful for that. If I wanted the others back it would have to come from my pay. I was going to need to sit down and do a budget. I know I will need to give up something.

When Kurt got home I mentioned the shut offs to him. His response was, "Oh, and you'll need to get your phone switched to another account by December 6th when our service cycle ends."

The forecast for December was that it was going to be a warmer than normal weather pattern, but at our house it was looking like it was going to be a chilly one.

Thursday night, when Kurt came home, he seemed to be in a little better mood, so I tried to make light conversation with him. "Kurt, can we go out and have a civil meal together?" I asked.

He thought about it and said, "Sure, I'll even pay, but no talk about us or about what has happened, just small talk."

I would take what I could get, maybe we could work our way back to where we used to be, slowly.

During the meal I asked about his day. He had a main machine break down, but luckily, with his knowledge and experience, they were able to get it back operational in only a couple hours.

By the end of the meal I was a little relieved and more hopeful for us. We didn't shout or insult each other and it felt like we might be able to put this behind us.

When we got home I headed for the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. He grabbed a beer and sat in the living room looking at something on his phone. When I came out I asked him, "Would you mind if I sat next to you on the couch?"

"It's too soon for that." He said sharply.

I sat in the chair opposite him and just looked at him as he scrolled through his phone. I loved this man. Then why did I do what I did? I know if the roles were reversed, I'd be out for blood, he wouldn't be sitting there on the couch. He would be out the door.

What a double standard. I still can't believe I did it. What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn't.

I hope we can repair what I've done. I say 'we' because it will take effort on both of our parts. Me to do whatever I can and him to accept it.

After a little while he looked up at me with a slight smirk on his face and said, "I'm going to bed."

I nodded and as he walked away. I said. "You know, you don't have to sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"I know." He said in a way that made me feel lower than dirt. I guess we're not even close to reconciliation.

Friday at work I was at my desk, doing what I do, when I heard a commotion up front. A couple minutes later John was making a bee-line to my desk. "I thought you said your husband wasn't going to say anything!" He shouted at me.

"Oh my God!" I said, "He never mentioned it."

"Well I just got served divorce papers!"

"Oh shit." I said. Now everyone was going to know of my fling with John. I would become the subject of all the office gossip. How was I going to show my face around here anymore. I started crying.

"What are you crying for? You said your husband isn't divorcing you."

Right then my boss came out of his office and said, "John, you need to leave! Whatever the problem is this not the place to discuss it."

John looked up at him, turned around, and stormed away.

My boss didn't say another word. He just turned around and went back into his office.

This would turn out to be the worst day in my whole life. The rumors were flying, people were talking behind my back. In fact, a couple of guys had the nerve to ask if I wanted to have a drink after work. By the end of the day I was ready to get out of there. I was glad it was a Friday. Two days before I had to face them all again.

As I drove home, my emotions were all over. I couldn't believe it. When I got home, Kurt was sitting in the living room. He must have left work early. When I saw him I was enraged. "What the fuck did you do? You told John's wife? You knew he was going to be served today! That is why you were in a good mood last night. Revenge must feel great, because I sure feel like shit!"

Kurt just sat there with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Did you know he has 2 kids under 10 years old?" I asked him.

He just grinned.

"This is going to tear them apart." I said.

He just continued to grin.

"What were you thinking?" I asked loudly.

"Probably more than what you two were thinking when you were fucking each other." He said calmly.

"Oh!!" I screamed. "You infuriate me!!"

"I infuriate you?? How would you feel if the person you pledged your love to, the person you made wedding vows to, the person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, goes off and fucks someone else, repeatedly!!"

I ran crying to the bedroom and slammed the door. I threw myself on the bed. I was so mad, both at him and myself. He was right. How would I feel?

I lay there crying for about an hour when my phone rang. I didn't feel like talking to anyone but I looked at the phone to see who it was. It was my sister, Joan. I sat up on the bed, composed myself and answered the phone.

"Hi Joan."

"What is going on?" She said in a somewhat frantic voice.

"Why?" I asked.

"What's going on with Kurt? Is this a joke?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Kurt's Facebook status was just changed to 'In an Open Relationship'."

"What?!"

"Is this a joke?" She asked again.

"Oh Joan, I think I may have destroyed my marriage."

"What did you do?" She asked.

"I had a fling with a guy from work and when Kurt confronted me I said, 'It was only sex.'".

"Oh Deb, how could you do that?"

"I don't know, I guess I wasn't thinking." I replied.

"Is Kurt divorcing you?" She asked.

"No, he says if he does he'll get screwed by the courts, have to sell the house and give me half of everything. Instead, he says we will just cohabitate. Oh Joan, I fucked up."

"Literally." She said. "Do you need a place to stay?"

"No, Kurt moved into the guest bedroom."

"Oh Deb, if it get's too bad you can come stay with me for a little while."

"Thanks, but I want to try to save our marriage. I need to be here to do that."

"Well, the offer stands."

"I'd better go talk to Kurt about this Facebook stuff. I hope he just did that as a joke ... but I don't think so."

"Well, you'd better get him to change it back or everyone is going to be talking. Call me if you need anything." She said.

I was pissed. How could he do that? What was he thinking? I came out of the bedroom ready to tear into him.

"Was that your lover wondering if you can go out tonight?" He said in a shitty tone.

"No! That was my sister. She called me wondering what was going on with you. You changed your Facebook status to 'In an Open Relationship'?"

"Sure did, why shouldn't I. It means nothing. It's just sex. So, I thought I'd get on board and ride this train for everything it's worth."

I looked at him dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say. Is this what it has come to? I was heartbroken. I turned, and without saying a word, went back to the bedroom. The tears started all over again.

What had I done? Was our marriage unsalvageable? Could we ever get past this?

I must have cried myself to sleep, because I awoke lying on my bed. I looked at the clock, it was 4:23 in the morning. I got up, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize the woman looking back at me. My makeup was a mess, but even worse than that was my face looked like it had aged a decade overnight. I stood there looking at myself. How could I have done all I had done without thinking anything of the consequences. Did I think that little of the promises Kurt and I had made to each other? Did I forget all that we were? I asked myself again a question I had been repeatedly asking myself, "Were we through?"