Pilot Makes Penelope Pitstop

As I've boldly stated in previous works I believe that role play will help you survive lockdown until normal sex lives are resumed. But even during a pandemic I consider that some sexual fantasies should remain just that. So, if I was to mention the word 'Thunderbirds' I'm not advising you to trawl the internet looking for superannuated supermarionation stock with naughtiness in mind.

I've mentioned Thunderbirds, but in the 1960's Sylvia and Gerry Anderson introduced several puppet based productions including Fireball XL5, Stingray and Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons which featured dashing heroes of either gender.

Captain Scarlet for example featured Destiny, Symphony, Rhapsody, Harmony and Melody as Spectrum's fighter pilot angels. Meanwhile Marina from Stingray was considered the ideal woman by unreconstructed males in a pre-politically correct age being beautiful and mute.

The first Thunderbirds series is actually set in 2065 and our heroine is Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward. Born on Christmas Eve 2039, she is seriously posh having been head girl at Roedean, and then attending a Swiss finishing school.

She speaks fluent French, German and Italian, became an agent and was recruited by Jeff Tracy for his organisation International Rescue. Lady Penelope's clothes are immaculate 1960's Vogue and Harper's magazine inspired outfits so only your poshest frock will do.

Lady Penelope's butler and chauffeur is Aloysius Parker. Born on 30 May 2013, he's an ex-con and was once considered to be the planet's foremost safe-cracker and cat-burglar. You may be thinking he's going to be the co-star of this epic based on this classic joke...

Penelope: "Oh Parker. Please take off my blouse."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "Oh Parker. Please take off my skirt."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "Oh Parker. Please take off my stockings."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "Oh Parker. Please take off my bra."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "Oh Parker. Please take off my panties."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "And Parker..."

Parker: "Yus milady."

Penelope: "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again you're sacked!"

I distinctly wrote that this is a classic joke. So, if Lady Penelope is now laying in your living room stark naked, the joke's on you. You've been premature! Get dressed at once. Under no circumstances allow yourself to be fucked by Parker!

You can do better than that. Let me explain. Ex-astronaut Colonel Jeff Tracy's sons, born annually from 2039 to 2044 person (you won't be allowed to use the word 'man' in 2065) the International Rescue vehicles. Incidentally they were named after five of the seven American astronauts on the Mercury space project; Scott Carpenter, Virgil Grissom, Alan Shepard, Gordon Cooper and John Glenn.

The eldest, Scott then is the same age as Penelope at 26. A former decorated United States Air Force pilot, he now mans the quick response craft Thunderbird One. He's generally first at the danger zone and serves as field commander on rescue operations. He also leads International Rescue from Tracy Island when his father is absent. He's the man.

Which goes to show. The Mercury astronauts were all male. Spectrum's fighter pilots, Destiny, Symphony, Rhapsody, Harmony and Melody Angel were exclusively female. S.I.G. to that! S.I.G? S.I.G. is an acronym used in the television series Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons. It stands for "Spectrum Is Green" which is a futuristic term for "Roger."

And yes, I know you're not reading this in order to get a glimpse into the future. Just calm down! You'll be able to get on with some good old fashioned rogering in a few minutes.

There are Thunderbirds conventions, which means that you can purchase a realistic Scott costume online. Alternatively, as he's off duty, you could go smart casual. But whatever attire you decide on, "Watch out, there's a snake about' 'Y fronts" are an absolute must. They're key to the whole operation, and you wouldn't want to jeopardise an International Rescue mission, would you? Lives are at stake.

I won't lie, for this role play to end in a mind-blowing climax it's advisable that you've taken the precaution of becoming an island owning billionaire. If you haven't, there are many 'Get rich quack' schemes around. Yes, "quack." Quack Covid cures, for example. Just a really bad taste joke. Sorry. The rest of you will have to make do with your own lounge, patio and imagination.

Right! Let's get down to it. But before you start, remember this. This is a role play to be acted out strictly between you and your partner in isolation. No puppets must be harmed during the making of this episode. Here's your script...

Penelope: "It's simply spiffing of you to invite me to spend a fortnight on Tracy Island Scott. I feel I can finally relax after last year's fiasco in Monte Bianco."

Scott: "My very thoughts precisely. It's so aggravating when a malfunctioning solar reflector threatens an Italian coastal village while you're on holiday."

Penelope: "Yes I always hate it when that happens. It was so lucky that you were passing in Thunderbird One."

Scott: "Full Acknowledgement of Broadcast (Usually abbreviated to FAB.) on that one Penny."

Penelope: (Who is really impressed because her pink Rolls-Royce has the registration FAB 1.) "I was wondering how you happened to be in the area."

Scott: "Well Penny let me first say I definitely wasn't there to spy on you whilst you were sunbathing naked on your private veranda. (By 2065 the hole in the ozone will long since have been filled in.) I'd just popped out for pizza."

Penelope: "That's some distance to travel for pizza."

Scott: "But Angelo's is so good and flying back at supersonic speed it's still piping hot when I get back."

Penelope: "Very true. I never use anyone else when I'm throwing a pizza and Pernod party."

Scott: "Speaking of which, would you like a glass?"

Penelope: "I'd simply love one."

Scott: "And if you'd like to sunbathe I can take your drink over to the pool."

Penelope: "But I'd feel rather self-conscious with all your family around."

Scott: "No need to. Virgil, Alan and Gordon are out a-rescuing and John's co-ordinating everything from the space station."

Penelope: But what about Jeff, Tin-tin, Kyrano and grandma?"

Scott: "They've gone to Torremolinos for a fortnight. I dropped them off this morning."

Penelope: "I believe it's quite the modern place to be. I was in Monte Carlo last week and simply everyone was raving about it."

Scott: "Yes and they got a very good deal at the Torremolinos Travel Lodge for half-board and with an option for lunch."

Penelope: "How very thoughtful. It will be simply marvellous for Kyrano to have a fortnight away from the stove."

Scott: "Assuming they avail themselves of the lunch option."

Penelope: "I'd be inclined to. There's such a long gap between luncheon and dinner on the continent and afternoon tea is a rarity."

Scott: "Then I expect that's what they'll do. Now I'll just fetch the drinks."

If you haven't got Pernod, don't come back and meekly announce to Penelope that you've run out. Bring your partner her/his favourite tipple and tell her/him you were presented with it in grateful appreciation recently at some exotic location after saving the locals. She'll (I'm getting fed up of the him/her/his bit) neck it and reply...

"That's delicious Scott. Now you do know I prefer to sunbathe completely naked don't you?"

Scott: "I didn't. As I mentioned earlier I definitely didn't spy on you whilst you were sunbathing topless on your private veranda last year. Of course, as a modern man-about-town I have no objections. It's the continental way Penny and this is 2065 after all."

Penelope: "Indeed, and perfectly safe since you filled in the hole in the ozone layer. (You guessed, didn't you?) But remember I am still a member of the English aristocracy and can hardly be expected to undress all by myself."

Scott: "Would you like me to be of assistance?"

Penelope: "There's a good chap. It's all very simple. All you have to do is reply "Yes milady," and do exactly as I say."

Scott: "Could I say FAB instead?"

Penelope: "If it all works out you can say it at the end."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off my blouse."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off my skirt."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off my stockings."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off my bra."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off my panties."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "And Scott..."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "What sort of woman are you physically attracted to?"

Scott: "Well Penelope, as a pilot I'm not fussy. I just like a woman who keeps her cockpit clean."

Penelope: A good answer, but you realise that I'm an International jet-setter who couldn't possibly be tied down to one man?"

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Then we're agreed, it's no strings attached."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Then please take off your shirt."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off your pants."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off your socks."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off your Superman vest."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Oh Scott. Please take off your hilarious 'Watch out, there's a snake about' 'Y fronts."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "And Scott..."

Scott: "Yes milady."

Penelope: "Please carry me over to the lounger and give me a damn good seeing to."

Scott: "FAB milady. Thunderbirds are go!"

If you don't own a private island you may want to carry Penelope inside before giving her a damn good seeing to. Remember: It's not really 2065, the hole in the ozone layer hasn't been filled, there are strict laws against public nudity and your neighbours kids may own a drone.

If you enjoyed this role play, there's no reason not to try it again. To be honest, there's a lot of you out there who like a bit of posh. But let's face it, you probably didn't get any before and you're even less likely to get any in the future. True, a few posh birds were partial to some rough trade in the past, but will they be predisposed to expose themselves in the future?

Penelope mentions that she's "an International jet-setter who couldn't possibly be tied down to one man." Well, Scott has 5 brothers, Virgil, Alan, Gordon and John. Plus, I think it's fair to say that Jeff definitely has a thing for her. As for Aloysius Parker? If you've got a pink Roller parked up in the garage, then why not?