Out in Left Field

Chapter One

"Fuckin hell!" I screamed as I looked in my locker for my deodorant.

I was sure that I had brought some in my bag but much to my chagrin, I had forgotten it.

The wrong time to do so too considering I had a date with a hot girl, Irene, from London. I met her after one of our matches last week. As I was going under the tunnel, she yelled out my name asking for an autograph and a kiss. When I went up there to fulfill her request, she smelled and looked good. Once I finished scribbling and locking lips with her, I asked for a date; of course, she accepted.

"Roger! Ay mate! The team is going to a party at the old pub, ya joinin' us?" Nathaniel Terry, my good friend and teammate, said coming out the shower clad in only a small towel.

We had just beaten our rival Old Trafford 3-2 in a match that literally turned out to be a dogfight.

Nathaniel and I play for Manchester United soccer team in England. We have known each other since attending Salsberry Middle over ten years ago, were drafted to play for Manchester in the same year 2005, as well as band mates in a eighties cover band back in the day.

You could say we were close friends, tight.

I continued searching for something to smell good as Nathaniel walked over smacking me with the towel he had just took off.

"Madden, you heard me? Ar you goin' to the pub?" Nathaniel shook his wet hair out, pelting me with the drops.

"Nah, I got a date tonight. I told you I was takin' that chick Irene out for dinner." Once I found my cologne bottle, I sprayed it on hoping that it would suffice.

"Ah yeah! I don't believe you told me if she had a friend er not though," he said while opening his locker.

"I didn't. Besides, you don't have a problem getting dates Nathaniel. You are the team heartthrob."

Amused, he laughed while slipping into his pants. "Yeah, well, so true. However, I always noticed you knew how to pick the lookers Roger. Your former girlfriends, quite lovely."

Approvingly, I nodded; he was right, I've had my share of nice ones. "Yeah, so have you though Nathaniel."

Once I finished my sentence, he shook his head while putting Ban on his armpit. "Hey Nathaniel, can I use some of that? Fuckin' forgot mine at home."

"Sure mate. Why don't you keep it? I've got another stick at the flat." He handed it to me before grabbing his Obsession.

"Thanks chum, appreciated." I put some on quickly after noticing I was supposed to pick up my date at eight.

"Like I said, if she's got friends, sisters, whatever, let me know." Nathaniel was buttoning his shirt while slipping into his shoes.

Confused, I continued to look at my best friend. I could not understand why he wanted me to ask Irene about a partner for him when Nathaniel could get a girl without saying a word. For as long as I could remember, Nathaniel was always a ladies' man.

His rock star long brown hair and chiseled features turned heads everywhere he went. Not to mention, he was the most popular member of the team, receiving fan mail that could rival David Beckham.

The body on Nathaniel was tight as well. Although not overly muscular, he was built in all the right places; slender and long just like a well-trained thoroughbred.

As I watched him finish getting dressed, I stared at the man I had known and loved like a brother seemingly forever. He was so gorgeous, sexy. The man carried himself well; he was kind and intelligent.

I took pleasure in just looking at him, even though I considered myself straight. Of course, if the opportunity to spend a night with him presented itself, I'm sure I would do more than just give it a thought. However, anything more than that would probably be out of the question.

"Roger, earth to Roger. Listen mate, if you and Irene want to stop by the party after your date, please do. We should be there till the wee hours of the mornin'." He grabbed his comb to tame the strands whilst gazing into his mirror.

"Thanks mate, we just might do that." I put on my jeans after sliding my tight fitting t-shirt over my head.

Once I pulled it down, I noticed Nathaniel giving me the eye.

"What, Nathaniel?"

"Ah nothin' really mate, just looking at what your wearin' to see the girl, that's all."

Immediately, I became self-conscious. Nathaniel was also a fashion plate as well. "Is somethin' wrong with what I have on?"

"Erm, well, I just thought you'd dress up a little more considering it is your first date with her is all."

Suddenly, I began second-guessing my choice of wardrobe. "Well do ya' think..."

"Nah chum, if she really likes you, she'll be okay with it." He answered while closing the door.

"Have a good time mate, remember what I said about stopping by afterwards." Slowly he trotted out the room backwards while waving.

At that moment, I wondered if I should go home and change. Nathaniel did have a point about the first date outfit, however, maybe she would understand that I did just come from playing a match.

After only a couple of more minutes, I shook my head and decided not to worry. However, I did think back to the way Nathaniel gawked at me.

The manner was intent, stern. Unless he was just so bothered by the way in which I was dressed.

I closed my locker before gazing at my watch. When I saw it was seven fifteen, I made up my mind that it was time to go. Would not want to keep my new gal waiting.

Chapter Two

Unfortunately, the date did not go so well. Although she was beautiful, we just did not click.

She nearly talked my ear off not to mention seemed to already have it in her head that we would be exclusive when I specifically told her in our conversation that I was not looking for anything long term.

The reason for staying single was simply that I wanted to keep myself open for potential experiences. Namely, with my good friend Nathaniel whom I fancied a little more than I first thought.

Back when we started hanging out, it was purely platonic; I had no designs on him whatsoever. However, nowadays, Nathaniel stayed on my mind more than I cared to admit. That fact actually bothered me but my guess; it was just a phase.

Recently, he had cut ties with his latest woman, Gina, from the States. She was a major fashion designer that wanted Nathaniel to quit football to follow her around the world. Of course, Nathaniel refused and once he informed her that it was not happening anytime soon, their relationship started to deteriorate.

After taking Irene home, I drove to the McFahey's pub in east Birmingham to the site of the party Nathaniel had mentioned.

When I walked in the whole place broke out in cheers and song. Obviously, my teammates were expecting me to come after my evening was done. Not only that, I noticed they were more than a little happy to see me meaning they were most likely plastered.

I took a seat at the bar, ordering a drink. After I placed the money down, Nathaniel came over stumbling with a glass he held tightly in his hand.

"Well allo Roger, how was the date?" Nathaniel said before drinking the contents down.

"Erm not good. She was too aloof for me and she talked way too much." I patted the chair next to me urging him to sit.

Chuckling, he took my invitation while signaling for the bartender. "Ah well, you win some, you lose some. Good thing you noticed that straight away. It's hard for us world class athletes to find decent company without fear of getting caught up."

Agreeing I nodded, finishing my drink as well. "Yeah, so true."

"Hey mate, another of whatever he's havin' for my friend please." Nathaniel told the man tending.

"Thanks chum," I took the glass while looking at my watch.

As I sat there, I wondered how much Nathaniel had drank tonight. He seemed okay for the most part, not slurring his words, though the manner in which he walked over was of concern.

Once he was done, I saw out the corner of my eye that he turned to face me. Instead of asking what he wanted, I decided to wait to see what he would do or say.

Slowly, I sipped from the glass as I felt Nathaniel's hand caress my back. The feel of it caused a stir down below almost immediately. I lowered my eyelids, savoring the pleasure of his touch.

'Why am I enjoying this so much?'

"Roger, I'm ready to head out, had enough of this place. Would you like to come over for a bit before goin' home?" He was still rubbing my muscle, making the stir more of a disruption.

Right away, I had a response to his question. "Sure mate, why not. Besides, you should not be driving tonight considering how many you've had."

"I haven't had that much. Only about, six maybe seven," he laughed while giving the man a few more bucks.

"See you don't even remember how many, let me take you home. I'm sure if we tell the owner. He will allow you to leave your car parked here." Reluctantly, I got up still craving his massage.

Before he could object, I walked away looking for Jim, the manager of the bar. We had known Jim almost our whole lives so I knew this would not be an issue.

While I searched, I thought about the feelings that Nathaniel invoked from his kind gesture. Was that a result from the alcohol?

Considering I had developed a longing for him over the past couple of years of being teammates, I had hoped that he might want to have that bisexual experience with me. Although I loved the women, I had fantasized what it would be like to be in bed with a man.

Chapter Three

After talking with Jim, we hopped in my car to drive to Nathaniel's flat in south London. I had only been over his place a few times since he'd moved in three years ago. For whatever reason, when we hung out, he always liked to come back to my apartment.

Slowly, I guided him out of my car, up the stairs of his building. My arm was around his waist, supporting him so he could move without falling.

"Ay Roger, thanks mate. Those things are just startin' to hit me," he stammered on his words while belching.

"I knew you had too much. It's alright though, at least you are at home now." Once we reached his door, I picked him up over my shoulder, laying him across his sofa.

"Whoa Roger, Jesus, I'm glad I did not have to retch." Nathaniel lay back on the cushions, while watching me.

The thought of him vomiting didn't come to mind, I just tried to get him over to the couch faster. "I knew you wouldn't so I brought you ova. Did you need somethin', water er erm..."

"No thanks mate. However, this furniture is not fit for sleeping. I believe I'd rather go to my bed, can you help me." He got up slowly, trying not to lose his balance.

That moment, my mind raced as I tried to think what I would say. Part of me wanted to stay and try putting out this burning desire to be with him.

The other wants to leave right away because although I really would like to be with John, I did not want to be here while he was drunk.

I walked him to his room and immediately he flopped on the bed.

Patting the spot next to him, "Roger, why don't you spend the night huh? As long as you don't mind sharing the bed with me since the couch is so uncomfortable."

At that point, I replayed what he had just said in my head. 'I can't do this, not now.'

"Uh, no Nathaniel, I'm gonna head home. Besides, we have breakfast with the team tomorrow; we both need to get up early. Get some rest and sober up chap. I turn the lock for you, no need to get up, G'nite."

Before he could object, I left out of his flat.

Once I got back to my car, I leaned my head forward into the steering wheel.

'What the fuck? I had him right there, I could have satisfied this desire, longing and then maybe it would have went away.'

There I sat a few moments pondering what should have been. Nathaniel was leaving the door open for an encounter and I just literally shut it in his face.

As I started my engine, I thought about my stupidity. I hoped that the chance would present itself again since I had squandered this one away.

~*****~

The following morning, the team met at a local diner for breakfast. Once we got in, I saw Nathaniel chatting with Charlie, our goalie and captain. When our eyes met, he glared at me before turning his attention back to Charlie.

'I pissed him off by not staying this morning.'

To break the ice, I walked over to sit at their table.

"What's up Madden? How was the date last night, didn't get a chance to ask you before you left." Charlie said after gulping down his juice.

Nathaniel took a bite of his biscuit seemingly trying to ignore my presence.

"Erm not so good I'm afraid. She was a bit of a dunce, too chatty of a bird for me." The waitress came over as I finished my sentence. I ordered my usual cereal with fruit.

"Ah well, good you saw that right away. You should've just stuck somethin' in 'er mouth, if you know wot I mean," he chuckled, before getting up. "I'll be back, I wanted to ask the coach somethin."

Once he walked away, Nathaniel did not even raise his head.

'Obviously he wanted me there.'

Nervously, I tapped my fingers on the table. "Look Nathaniel, I'm sorry that I left so quickly, I..."

"Don't worry about it Madden. I was just tryin' to be hospitable. Didn't want you drivin' home inebriated is all." He played with his fork while not meeting my gaze.

'No I think it was more than that.'

"I appreciate that but is there some other reason?" I said while taking my cereal from the server.

Angrily, he tossed his utensil on the wood. "What would make you think that," he snapped.

I put the first spoonful in my mouth. "Erm well you seem a little unhappy that I did not stay."

"You're damn right. Madden, you act like you are so innocent, oblivious to whatever is goin' on around you. I like you Madden, always have, always will," he hissed while picking up a piece of fruit.

'Now I know why he put his hand on my back.'

"Nathaniel, let's go outside and chat for a moment." I rose while finishing the contents in my bowl.

"No Madden, there is nothing to talk about. It is obvious that you don't want this to transpire. It's fine, we can still be friends. Just forget about it."

The moment I was about to say another word, Charlie walked back over.

"Alright, that's settled. Madden looks as if your done with breakfast, you sure don't eat much. As a matter of fact, you eat like a bird." He laughed while taking another muffin from the basket.

Wryly, Nathaniel smiled at me as I put some money on the table and walked away.

'I should have stayed last night but I just was not ready for that to occur.' Thoughts of what he'd told me went through my head; he wanted me and accused me of being oblivious, maybe even naive.

'Fuck Madden, it was there for you and you might have blown it. The chance to be with your close friend in bed; you longed for it and when the opportunity presented itself you dismissed it, you coward.'

Alone, I walked out the back door of the diner to the parking lot. I lay against the wall thinking of him. How I just hurt his feelings by being such an idiot.

'Why do I care so much all of a sudden?' I'm a straight man who wants to experience a gay encounter. If it never happens will it kill me?

Right then, I made up my mind that this was no longer a big deal and that my emotions involving Nathaniel needed to be put in check. I liked women, I wanted to be married someday.

Although I was still for keeping my options open, I decided to put this incident with Nathaniel behind me. As long as I had our friendship, I would be content with that. We were brothers, teammates, and friends first: tight.

Chapter Four

The next few days, Nathaniel and I did not revisit the conversation we had at the breakfast table. Seemingly, he had gotten over the feelings as he put them.

However, I had not. I kept thinking to myself what had I done. Although I had tried to reason that this was not going to become an issue, that our friendship was more important, the longing for him did not go away.

'I need to confront him about this.'

After our match with Stoke City where we beat them 1-0, I waited for him once I finished showering. I had made sure that everyone was out of the locker room. The only person I did not see was Charlie, whom I assumed left right after since his things weren't there.

I sat on the bench in front of his locker, twiddling my thumbs when I noticed that Charlie wasn't gone. Not only that, he was stepping out of the shower with Nathaniel, completely naked, kissing his lips like he was his lover.

'What the fuck?' I had nowhere to run, all I could do is just watch in disbelief as Charlie held my friend, tight.

"What the hell is goin' on here Nathaniel, Charlie?" I said to both of them who looked at me completely surprised by my presence.

"What's up Roger, I know you don't have a problem with this, especially after you told me no."

"Yeah, well...I had no idea you would go after Charlie either. What did you need me for if he was what you desired?"

Charlie looked at Nathaniel, confused. "What is goin' on Nathaniel?"

"It's nothin' Charlie. I wanted Roger to be with me and he declined. Nothin' to concern yourself over. You're the one I want Charlie." That moment, he took his head pulling him in for another kiss.

I shifted my feet before walking closer.

'No, I can't lose him completely, I care for him.'

"Nathaniel, it was more than nothin' and besides, I...I've reconsidered."

Nathaniel and Charlie looked at me with surprise.

"It's too late now Roger. You made your choice, you'll have to live with it is all. You had no concern for my feelings, why have some now. Especially since you left my flat in the manner you did the other night."

Still, I stood there motionless. I could not believe what I was seeing.

'Charlie was gay?'

"Nathaniel, I know I was a fuckin' coward alright I messed up."

"Hmph well I guess you did, Charlie is with me now."

He paused then turned towards me. "God's Roger, you are such an idiot. The day before when you mentioned goin' out with that chick Irene, I was so mad at you. I mentioned how your outfit didn't work. Then of course, I said if she had friends let me know. God knows I had no interest in them but I would put up the appearance to be near you, anything to be close with you, tight."

Charlie started getting dressed sensing the tension between us.

"Roger you had your chance and blew it. You are too busy worrying about who knows about your orientation to care for my feelings. And since you made that decision, I guess you'll have to live with it."

'I'm not falling for Nathaniel already am I?'

What am I to do? I knew that I still wanted to be with women, deep down, but at that moment, I could not bear to see Charlie with him.

"Nathaniel, look like I said, I do have feelings for you, always have but I was not ready. Charlie ain't no nancy."

Charlie put his hand on Nathaniel's naked shoulder. "Well Madden, I like a little of both actually. Looks as if you have lost your chance with Nathaniel, yeah?" Charlie buried his head into Nathaniel's neck.

Still miffed at this situation, I cleared my throat. As much as I wanted to answer Charlie, all I could do was turn and walk out.

'God's what now?'

Nathaniel meant what he said and I was too timid to answer Charlie's probing question. When I arrived at my vehicle, I got in and sat back on the seat.

"Damnit, I'm such a fool. I want him but I'm just not prepared to admit my curiosity." I hit the steering wheel making the horn sound loudly.

My thoughts were on what I had saw. Unbelievable that Nathaniel and Charlie were involved.

'That should have been me.'

I started the car up, proceeding to drive. I could go home and do some soul searching. Either I would let go of my feelings for Nathaniel completely or I'd let him know that it was not too late for me or us to have that experience and be tight.