Maybe, It Gets Better

Casey was on her knees on the floor, sitting down so that she blocked the view of Chloe's head from me. Natalie was standing at about Chloe's feet bent over perpendicular at the waist, looking at Chloe. And Chloe was sleeping. Her blanket, like mine, had slipped from the cot and lie in a pile on the floor. Chloe's tight t-shirt had ridden up in the night, bunched below her pert breasts, her bellybutton exposed Her boxer shorts were still on, slung low around her hips. But the button on the fly had apparently popped off. And Chloe's long, veiny, uncircumcised cock had slipped through the fly and was resting against her hip.

For a long time, neither I nor the girls made any noise at all. The only sound was Chloe gently breathing, oblivious, in her sleep. Honestly, for a long time, my brain couldn't really process what I was looking at. It was sort of strange because, of all people, I was not likely to discount the existence of trans high school students. And yet something about this situation just did not compute with me. Chloe Oliver: the fucking Queen of Franklin County High School was trans. The thought sat on the very top of my brain, but just couldn't sink in.

"I mean...what is it?" Casey asked in a soft whisper. For reasons I did not fully understand, I felt my stomach tighten. I leaned forward as best I could, to hear what they were saying. I saw as Natalie rolled her eyes at Casey's question.

"Well it ain't a fucking salami!" she hissed back, and the two girls glanced at Chloe's...penis again. The two girls were whispering slightly louder than before. They probably knew they should move away, but they also were just unable to look away. Frankly, I couldn't either.

"Has she always had it?" Casey asked and this time Natalie actually laughed a little bit.

"Her parents bought it for her as an early graduation present," Natalie shot back. Casey sort of smirk and crossed her arms in front of her breasts.

"I mean, like, I don't remember her ever..." Casey started. Natalie shrugged.

"She moved to town in like...8th grade. She was always, like...you'd never know," Natalie said. So that explained some of it, some of why no one seems to punish Chloe the way I had been punished. I had gone to the same school from kindergarten. Everyone always knew who I was. Well, no, they didn't. They thought they did. And thought it was ridiculous.

"So you mean this whole time..." Casey said. And my mind filled in the gaps for her. This whole time Chloe has been lying. The whole time Chloe is has been deceiving us. The whole time Chloe was a boy. I knew they were thinking this, because it was the bullshit that I had heard all during high school.

"I could have sworn," Natalie said, and that last word must have slipped of her lips just a little bit too loudly. Because at that moment, Chloe's eyes opened. Casey and Natalie tensed, but they didn't run. Maybe they knew they were already caught. But it looked to me like they were just shocked. Like Chloe wasn't a real person, and they were surprised to see her springing to life.

Chloe sleepily enjoyed the last few seconds of her dignity, as I saw it. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. She yawned and the realized the other girls were sort of crowded around her and jumped a little. Then she laughed softly.

"Hey guys, what's up?" She said, a little confused. She threw her legs over the side of the cot. And she felt it. I saw her feel it. Her soft cock brushing against her thigh. The cold air of the linen closet eliminating any doubt. Chloe looked down between her legs. Her eyes grew wide and her face instantly became crimson.

"I forgot to put my panties on under my boxers," Chloe said in a jerky, unnatural sounding voice. I knew that she was saying so much more with those words. In that brief moment, my feelings for Chloe Oliver completely inverted. Suddenly, I saw her in a completely different light. Where once I had seen over-privileged girl with a sneaky disobedient streak, I now saw something else. I saw a girl who had climbed the social ladder of high school on her own terms. Who lived and breathed the truth she felt in her heart. Suddenly, her brashness felt more like openness. Her popularity a reward for her bravery. I saw, reflected in her, a life I might have lived if given half a chance.

And then I sensed all of that melting away. I could see it in her face, and hear it in her voice. Everything she had worked so hard to create was falling apart. And instantly. I mean it was all being stripped from her in the blink of an eye. By this time the next day, she would be a pariah. The worst part was, she clearly knew it.

"Guys, you guys. We were friends...please don't say anything...I will...I don't know," Chloe said miserably. She propped her elbows onto her thighs, put her head in her hands. She looked up at her erstwhile friends, pleading with her desperate eyes.

"You need to go," I said to myself, in my mind. I knew that these girls, these popular, pretty girls who never had to worry about the things that Chloe and I worried about, were about to unleash hell. I knew the things they would say, the things they were already thinking. Because I had heard them all before. I knew the ways these girls were. And so I needed to get out there. I needed to protect Chloe.

And yet I couldn't. I kept telling my legs to move. I kept willing myself forward. But I remained frozen in place. It wasn't indecision. I knew what I had to do, what I was going to say. In some ways, I had been rehearsing my words in my mind since I was in middle school. It wasn't that I was shocked or confused. It was that I was scared.

Suddenly I didn't feel like "Mrs. S," anymore. The years separating me from high school, from MY high school, had collapsed. I was Ana Garcia again. The short, shy, unhappy girl that pretty girls like this chased out of bathrooms, calling her 'Ana Conda' and giggling viciously. Other names that can't be written. Casey and Natalie were the girls who picked Ana Conda apart like a fly.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions that I hadn't felt in decades. That sensation of pure dread I felt every time I went to school. Every time I saw a pretty, popular girl. My legs felt weak, and my bladder was tight. My eyes were filled with tears and I was covered in a cold sweat.

I needed to be there for Chloe. But my broken parts had never healed. They had scarred over some, and festered underneath. Rotting and reeking. The trauma was still too raw. I couldn't help her. Because right beneath the skin I was still shattered. But while I couldn't help, I also couldn't look away. And so I prepared to watch my own cursed memories come to life. To swallow up another innocent.

"Please stop staring at me!" Chloe begged, "I know I am disgusting, don't look!" I couldn't breathe as she spoke.

"Oh god, no!" It was Natalie. She sat down on the cot next to Chloe, and threw her arm around her. She pulled her close.

"Chloe! Don't say that! You aren't disgusting! We weren't staring!" Casey said. She was still on her knees near Chloe's cot, and she rubbed her friend's calf gently.

"Well, I mean, we kind of were staring," Natalie admitted nervously, "But we were just like...surprised. And curious. We just..."

"We didn't know we knew any trans people," Casey finished and Natalie nodded emphatically. The scene unfolded before me in a sort of aura of unreality. Like I had experienced some sort of psychotic break and my mind was replaying some sort of fantasy I'd once had.

"Please don't..." Chloe said, and I could tell that she didn't really believe it either. Still, she leaned her head against Natalie's shoulder.

"We are telling the truth. I am sorry we scared you," Natalie said, soothingly. She hugged her friend tighter.

"I told Natalie, and I shouldn't have. I just...I was surprised. But we won't tell anyone else. It isn't anyone's business," Casey said with real remorse. Chloe looked back and forth between them. She looked down at her cock, which was still hanging out of her boxer shorts. She breathed heavily for a few seconds.

"Are you guys fucking with me?" Chloe asked, her eyes red and her body trembling.

"No, we are really sorry we made you feel bad. I wouldn't have told Natalie if I thought you'd be so upset. I didn't think..." Casey said. She bit her lip and I could see that her leg was sort of nervously shaking.

"For the record, I think it is sort of cool," Natalie said. Once again, the girls lapsed into silence. Chloe looked at Casey for a long time, and then turned to Natalie as well. She kept waiting, as I did, for the other shoe to drop. But the other girls just looked at her, warm but nervous.

"It is okay, I am not mad at you Casey. Don't lose that leg," Chloe eventually said and Casey visibly sighed with relief. She stood up quickly and put her arms around Chloe, accidentally bumping Natalie in the head in the process. Natalie laughed and slipped her arm from Casey's shoulder.

"So we are still friends?" Casey asked anxiously. A little dazed, Chloe laughed.

"Yeah, its fine," she said in a far away voice. She turned to Natalie, "You think my...my body is cool?" she asked a big incredulously. Natalie nodded emphatically.

"Yeah! Its unique and...Oh my god, I just thought of something," Natalie said, "you never have to have a period!" Chloe smiled a little and shrugged.

"Oh jeez, you're right!" Casey said, "Okay, actually, now I take back what I said before. I am disgusted. But like, exclusively because you've never had to use a tampon. Or have your mom describe to you how to use a tampon." The girls all laughed. And the tension in the room seemed to slip away. Chloe was breathing more normally.

"I just thought you guys would think I was, like, a pervert or something," Chloe said and Casey furrowed her brow. Natalie laughed gently.

"I mean, two weeks ago you told me that you watch porn where cartoon girls have sex with monsters. You are a pervert," Natalie joked, "but not because you're trans."

"I don't think your, like, gender can make you a pervert," Casey said, clearly struggling to put her words in the correct order, based on her thinking, "Like, being a pervert is about stuff you do or think, not who you are." Chloe smiled at that.

"You know, I think you guys are telling the truth," she said after a long pause, "It just still feels really weird. Like, no one but my parents know that I am...trans. It feels weird having you all know," she explained. Natalie nodded understandingly.

"So remember earlier this year when I dated Ben Whitmere? He asked to watch me pee. Like to squat down close and watch it come out. I let him do it. It was kind of fun," Natalie said matter-of-factly. Chloe laughed and put her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my god, are you for real? Why did you tell me that?" she asked.

"Now you know something weird about me that no one else knows. And you know I am a bigger pervert than you. Because, like Casey said, that's a thing I did," Natalie explained.

"You didn't have to..."Chloe started.

"I made out with my cousin once," Casey threw out quickly, her cheeks red before she even said it, "Well, more than that, she was like...really insistent on feeling me up."

"She?" Chloe asked, raising her eyebrow.

"That is weirder to you than that it was her cousin?" Natalie laughed.

"I guess none of that is weird, everyone wants to feel up Casey," Chloe joked and the girls laughed.

I had watched all of this unfold in a totally receptive state. Once the girls started really talking, I didn't even had conscious thoughts that I could recall. I just sort of took everything in, letting it wash over me. I guess that was the only way I could make sense of it. If I tried to process it actively, it would have clashed violently against everything I knew to be true. Everything experience had taught me over many, many hard years.

But as the girl's laughed together, I sort of dropped back inside of myself. I became conscious that I was looking through the shelves in the linen closet at the three girls. But I felt...changed. Like I had climbed back inside of my own brain, but all of the furniture had been rearranged.

I looked at Casey and Natalie, and Chloe. And I didn't see the girls I had driven out to the god-forsaken hotel with. Girls that I hated. No. Wait, that wasn't true. I didn't hate Casey. Casey had always just reminded me of Beth Cramer, the Student Body President who called me by the wrong name at every single school assembly. I didn't hate Natalie. Natalie just reminded me of Andrea Henson, who tried to pants me every day during gym glass. I didn't even hate Chloe, who had once reminded me of Meredith Murphy, who hid notes in my locker from my 'secret admirer' and told everyone I "fell for it" even though I knew no one liked me. I had never really seen Casey and Natalie and Chloe before. I had always just seen their analogues, back through the years. Not really them. Not until this very moment. Now Chloe just reminded me of...me. And Casey and Natalie were the girls I needed back then but had never found. I kept watching, recording everything I saw in my mind's eye, too scrambled to really think.

"So seriously, no pressure. You can say no if you want and I won't say a word or anything. I am just sort of curious..." Natalie was rambling.

"What?" Chloe asked.

"Can I look at it?" Natalie said, crinkling up her nose.

"Yeah, can we?' Casey asked, "I am just so curious!" Chloe gave them a sort of incredulous look.

"You want to look at it?" she asked. The other girls nodded. Chloe shrugged, "I mean...Okay," she said, and she spread her legs.

"Take the boxers off, we can't see anything," Casey said and Chloe laughed.

"You've seen plenty, I think," she said. Nonetheless, she stood up from the cot. She slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her boxers and dropped them quickly. And suddenly she was standing right in front of two of her classmates, her soft cock entirely exposed.

It was maybe a little longer than mine, but not as big as I had been before HRT. It somewhat thin and veiny. She had small balls in a tight, smooth scrotum. She was waxed entirely bare. It was cute. She was cute. The other girls seemed to think so to.

"Woah!" Casey said.

"Its so girly!" Natalie said, scrunching up her nose. Both girls had moved so that they were kneeling on either side of Chloe's body. Far enough away to be respectful, but close enough to see... everything. By chance, neither Casey nor Natalie moved directly in front of me, and I was left with a clear view of Chloe's lovely body.

"Is it rude if I ask if you an get, like, hard?" Casey asked, leaning in slightly.

"No, I don't think it is rude," Chloe said, a little self-consciously.

"Does it get, like, hard?" Casey asked and Chloe laughed.

"Sometimes. Don't be offended, I am a little nervous right now," she explained and the other two girls giggled playfully.

"Do girls get you hard?" Natalie asked, raising her eyebrows. Chloe laughed prettily and nodded, suddenly shier than I'd ever seen her before.

"Boys and girls," Chloe said in a small voice. That answer hung in the air for a very, very long time. Chloe's eyes darted first to one of her friends and then the other, then back between her legs. I saw Natalie looking hungrily between Chloe's legs as well. Her eyes glittering and moving. You could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. Still, it was a surprise when she broke the silence.

"Can I put it in my mouth?" Natalie asked in a husky voice. Chloe's eyes got wide.

"What?" Casey asked.

"I wasn't asking you," Natalie said, then she looked up at Chloe, "People say I am good at it." She bit her lip and fluttered her eyelashes. Chloe looked at her for a long moment. Her cock pulsed a little and I saw her chest rising and falling more rapidly. She looked over at Casey, who was just looking on intently.

Chloe looked as though she had hundreds of questions in that moment, but after another awhile, she asked an interesting one: "Why?" she whispered. Natalie smiled and shrugged.

"You look hot and I like sucking dick," Natalie said simply. Natalie settled down a little towards the floor, her body moving languidly, seductively. She bit her lip a little and ran her fingers through her hair. It wasn't clear if she realized how she was moving. Her arousal was just as evident as Chloe's plump cock.

"Is this some sort of pity thing..." Chloe started. Natalie rolled her eyes and shook her head vehemently. She didn't even let Chloe finish.

"I am going to be totally honest with you. I am like super turned on right now and have been this ENTIRE time. It is like...really intense. I don't know why, but you should totally take advantage of it. I am not asking you to marry me, it was to have fun!" Natalie blurted out and Chloe laughed.

"I don't know," Chloe said, furrowing her brow.

"Don't you," Natalie said, and her eyes darted down to Chloe's cock. No longer hanging limply between Chloe's slim legs, it was plumping up. Maybe half hard. Chloe reached down and pushed her cock down, as though willing it soft again. It just got a little harder.

"Can I watch?" Casey blurted out and the other two laughed. And for some reason that seemed to break the impasse, but not the sexual tension.

"Yes," Chloe said, finally, shaking her head in confusion, "To both of you. If you take your clothes off." Natalie and Casey looked at each other. And then suddenly there was flurry of activity and Chloe was laughing. She leisurely removed her tight t-shirt, her perky breasts with big, pink areolas falling out. The other girls tore off their clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor.

"Jesus, Casey!" Chloe said, as the class president got undressed.

"What?" Casey asked.

"You look like a porn star!" Natalie informed her. Casey's breasts somehow looked larger when she was out of her clothes. But she was only 18, so despite their large size they sat up high and firm on her chest. Her reddish nipples look like they were painted against her pale white skin. Her skin was smooth and even. Her pussy was a small, reddish gash. A small, well-kempt strip of blonde pubic hair above it.

"You do too," Chloe said, turning to look at Natalie. As she spoke, she reached forward and flicked Natalie's nipple. Both of Natalie's small, brownish nipples were pierced with small, silver studs. Her body was lithe and long, making her look taller now that she was naked. She had tight, brownish pussy lips and a landing strip of dark hair. Now all three girls were naked.

"I mean, if you want to film this..." Natalie teased.

"No!" Casey and Chloe said in unison. Natalie clapped her hands and laughed.

"I was just kidding," Natalie assured them.

Less joking, more blowing," Casey said, pointing to Chloe's dick.

"I could not have said that better myself, thank you Madame President," Chloe said. Casey sat down on the opposite end of the cot, next to Chloe. She sort of leaned forward, looking at Chloe's body.

"This is like...I don't even know," Natalie said shaking her head a bit in almost reverence. But she didn't wait any longer. She dropped down quickly on her knees directly in front of Chloe. Her head tilted back and she looked up at Chloe's eyes for a moment. Chloe blushed and bit one of her fingers, looking down at her friend.

"No one's ever done this for me before," she said softly. And it was like that pushed Natalie beyond control. Her hand came up and wrapped quickly around the base of Chloe's penis. Her fingers were pressed against Chloe's balls. Chloe gasped as Natalie pulled her cock forward. Natalie's mouth opened and her head dropped.

"Oh god!" Chloe groaned, throwing her head back and running her hand though her hair. Natalie's head slid down slowly, her friend's penis pressing through her lips and disappearing into her throat. Natalie's hand moved off of Chloe's shaft, and now both of her hands were resting on Chloe's thighs, spreading Chloe's legs farther. And still, her head kept dropping. Natalie's chin was resting against Chloe's smooth-shaven balls, her nose was against her stomach.