Love Conquers All? Pt. 02

For a long time, used to having to dissemble to prevent my mother being even more dissatisfied with me than usual, I had gotten into the bad habit of evading clear answers. I liked to please, and it was easier not to be too honest.

It was this which had led Annie, my on-line wife and the love of my life, to almost despair of me; it was what had almost wrecked our relationship. Annie and I had spoken about this, many times. Being Australian she was blunt. "It's called telling lies, Pixie. You know you shouldn't." She was right, I knew, but I couldn't bear hurting people, and it somehow never quite got through to me that I was often simply postponing the hurting. But after the past week, Annie's words had stuck. I would tell the truth and damn the torpedoes.

"Yes, Ma, I am. And if you really love me you won't go telling the Archdeacon."

She looked at me, cocking a quizzical eyebrow.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Pixie, who can never give a direct answer to a question?"

I giggled.

"This is so unlike you, my dear. You've changed. I have no idea what has been going on, but this feels healthy."

"Yes," I said, looking straight at her, "I have changed. I am back with the Church now, and I am moving ahead with my life."

She looked even more quizzically at me.

"Tell me just two things: does Karen make you happy; and do you make her happy?"

"Yes, yes, I think I make her happy, and I know she makes me happy."

My heart had all but stopped. I looked. I was waiting for the axe to fall, already wondering if I could get a train back to London.

Ma smiled.

"In that case, that's all that matters. Just take care the pair of you. I will say nothing to anyone. If you want some privacy, you can sleep together here. As it happens I like Karen, and if I can't have everything I want for you, I am willing, for now, to accept this - if it makes you truly happy."

Not often lost for words, as anyone who knows me will tell you readily enough, I suddenly understood what "gobsmacked" meant! My mouth moved, but more from habit than utility; no words emerged. I threw myself at Ma and hugged her. I giggled a bit; I clearly did not get my breasts from her. She felt warm and nice. I suddenly loved her, really loved her. I hugged her. To my amazement, she hugged me back. I could not remember the last time she had hugged me like that.

"Thank you, Ma, can I text Karen?"

"Of course, silly, oh, and invite her to supper, I might as well get used to this. Well, who'd have thought it, my Pixie stepping out with the Vicar?"

I looked at her. I swear she was smiling. I had never detected a sense of humour there on such things. It was as though my being with the Vicar somehow erased the fact that I was in a lesbian relationship.

I texted Karen:

"Ma knows. Ma approves. Supper, 7 for 7:30?"

"Ping."

"What! OMG! Yes."

"I take it she is coming? Okay young lady, better unpack and then help me."

I nodded, hugged her again and went to my room, from which I e-mailed Annie to tell her the amazing news. I was so delighted that I had to share it with her, and her pleasure in the news redoubled mine.

I was stunned. I'd worried that Ma would find out. She had known from the get go, and yet she'd waited until we were alone? Then she'd accepted it because we were happy. I wanted to adopt her formulation and say:

"Who are you and what have you done with my homophobic Ma?"

We had some bread and soup.

"Thank you, Ma."

She looked at me.

"Pixie, I am not a monster. I can't say that I accept that you and Karen are in accord with the teaching I have received, but then I can't deny you some happiness." She held my hand. "I have caused you such harm, little one, and I never meant to, I was just following expert advice. Maybe it's time not to where you are concerned?'

I got up and went to her.

"Hold me Ma."

She did. She had apologised before for trying to abort me. The drugs had not worked, but they had harmed me even more than the condition I was born with. Ma blamed herself, and I am afraid I tended to as well, although in my kinder moments, I knew that it was the "experts" who were to blame. I felt sure that if anyone told me my unborn child had a medical condition I'd still want to have the child; but then that was unlikely to happen to me, so it was easy for me to say. If I had judged, it was because I had felt judged, and an eye for an eye had made the whole world blind for me - and her. Now there was the chance of a new way of being.

We cleared up.

As Ma refused to go vegetarian, and as Karen was not a vegetarian either, we settled on chicken and tofu. Ma did the chicken for the casserole while I did the veg and the sauce. Within an hour, the kitchen was filled with the smell. On a low heat, it would cook nicely.

I texted Karen. I e-mailed Annie, my faithful and wonderfully inspirational on-line wife. I could not remember feeling this happy.

I showered. I made myself up carefully, and changed my frock.

"You look nice darling, you do scrub up well. If you'd only adopt a more adult hair-style and wear those padded bras I bought you."

"Yes, Ma, thank you Ma, but I have to tell you that Karen knows I have no breasts."

She looked at me.

"You are a funny little thing, you always have been. You're like your father, evasively charming. But I like this new directness, reminds me of me!"

We chatted about Ella, my elder sister, who would be having her baby in a month or so. Ma showed me the pictures Ella had sent. Goodness me, she was almost spherical. At that point, the doorbell went. I dashed to the door.

There she was, Karen.

I hugged her.

Suddenly Ma was there.

"Lady Hoffmann ..." she began.

"Please, call me Milly, or even Ma like Pixie does."

We looked at each other.

"Thank you ... Ma."

"I don't agree with lesbianism, but I do agree with my daughter being happy, and I like and respect you, Karen, so let's leave it there, shall we?"

"Of course, Ma, I'm just happy that you are not angry. Pixie has suffered enough, I just want her to be happy."

Ma smiled:

"We are at one in that. You two are welcome here when you need the privacy you may not get at the Vicarage."

And with that I knew that it would be well, and that all manner of things would be well.

Thus, it was with some astonishment that after spending some time chatting with Ma, I took Karen to my room. It was one thing abandoning myself to lust in London, but here, at home, with Ma in the house. Karen saw my hesitation and took the lead.

She was taller than me; most people over the age of twelve were. She sat on the bed to be closer to my height, and she pulled me to her. As our lips met, desire surged through me. A familiar warmth between my thighs pushed upwards from its wet beginnings, and I felt my body tingle; my nipples felt as though they might burst. As Karen pulled my dress down and began to lick them, I heard someone emitting little passionate moans; it was me. I wanted her to pull and suck them; by some magic she did so.

I felt the cool air on my body as my dress fell, pooling around my ankles. As she pulled my nipple out to its full length and I gasped, she grabbed my knickers and pulled them up; the sudden pressure on my clit made me gasp even louder. I wanted to respond, to reciprocate, but suddenly felt as though I couldn't. All power of agency was ebbing away; I wanted to be taken. Again, as by magic, Karen knew - and obliged.

Usually I love nothing better than pleasing my lover. I had been known to forget my own orgasm in the eagerness to satisfy the needs of my lover. But now, for the first time in real life, someone else cared enough about me, and wanted me enough, to do that for me.

If Karen was taller than me, she was also more firmly stacked, with breasts that made mine look like insect bites. As I slipped her dress off, she unhooked her bra, and suddenly, as she placed me on the bed, her breasts were swaying above me. Her nipples were as swollen as mine, crinkly, dark pink and inviting; my mouth went for them. As her nipple swelled in my mouth, I felt her hands pull my knickers aside, gently but firmly, she parted my lips and I felt two fingers curl into me and her thumb press my clit.

Lost, utterly lost, oblivious of any noise, I sucked hard on her nipples, first one, then the other. She was moaning. My sounds were muffled by her big breasts. As her fingers curled in me, finding that special place, the feelings that shot through me were making me lose all focus. Sucking her engorged nipples, one after the other, I never wanted this moment to stop. It felt as though her fingers were making every nerve ending tingle and hum. Somehow, I found the focus to respond.

I pushed my knee up into her wetness. My knee felt gooey. She was as aroused as I was. Instinct led me to gaze her nipple with my little sharp teeth, not quite biting it, but applying pressure. It worked. She redoubled her finger-work.

"What do you want Pix?"

I mumbled into her breast that I needed to cum.

"You know what to say, Pix, say it!"

She knew it would trigger me, so I did it. Pulling my lips from her luscious nipple, I said:

"Can I have cummies, need cummies!"

"Cum for me little one!"

The dam burst. Two dams burst, as I felt my knee moisten as she stiffened and came too. My pussy clenched her fingers, my clit, on fire, as I arched my back and moaned loudly. I had never known anything like this.

As the aftershocks reverberated, she drew me to her side and we kissed. Oh, it felt like Heaven. I was loved!

Karen lifted herself and looked at me. Her dark brown eyes were brimming:

"Annie is right you know, Pix, you are so worth it. Now will you stop being such an idiot and realise that she and I are all you need?"

She was right, Annie was right, Love had conquered all - all my fears, self-loathing and doubts. The ice around my personality was melting. All would indeed be well, and all manner of things would be well.

At last, I was truly home. Now not to fuck this one up!