Kristi's Story Ch. 03

"We need to talk about this."

"I know."

Kevin picked her up and moved to one of the dining room chairs. He sat with Kristi sideways on his lap and her arms wrapped around his neck. She clung tightly to him for a long moment before he felt her relax into his embrace. Sighing, she let go of him but remained curled up and nestled against his chest. When she spoke, he could barely hear her.

"Kev, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Sis. I don't know."

They both struggled with jumbled emotions as they tried to make sense of what just happened. It didn't help that they were floating on clouds of post-coital bliss and distracted by the sensation of bare skin against bare skin. The sensations only intensified when Kristi shifted around to look into her brother's eyes.

"I'm so sorry I got you involved in my problems. I've really messed everything up."

"Kris, I'd be upset if you hadn't come to me for help. I just didn't expect for you to cum with me." He gave her a roguish grin.

It took a few moments for the comment to sink in. A tickle grew in her chest until it erupted in full blown laughter. Kevin always had been good at relieving a tense situation with a funny quip. Kristi wrapped Kevin in a hug and pressed her face against his chest. More important than the wonderful afterglow of their lovemaking was how safe she felt in his arms.

Kevin replayed the events of the last twelve hours and could find nothing he regretted. They had violated one of society's strictest taboos, yet he felt at peace. It didn't make any sense. He should be consumed by self-loathing and disgust. Instead, he felt pleased that he'd brought comfort and reassurance to the one person he loved most. More importantly, he suspected that he had pulled her back from the brink of committing an act which would have had devastating consequences.

True, she hadn't gotten his permission, but what they'd done wasn't coerced. She had acted in panic and he had responded with concern for her well-being. It wasn't a lust driven act. He hadn't taken advantage of a vulnerable woman for his own selfish gratification. Quite the opposite, it became an exquisite act of pure love making. Kevin was a healthy twenty-eight year old single male. He'd had his share of intimacy with women, but this was the first time he fully appreciated what love making was all about.

His ruminations were interrupted by wetness running down his chest. Looking down, he could see tears flowing freely from Kristi's eyes. Her body began to shake as she cried into his chest. Gently putting a finger under her chin, he tilted her head up. He meant to reassure her, but the moment their eyes met, she broke in to heart rending sobs. In between wails and ragged attempts to breathe, she kept repeating over and over: "I'm so sorry."

"Kris, don't be. I'm not."

"Whu..What?" Kris leaned back to look up at her brother. Her expression said she wasn't sure she heard him right.

Kevin reached for the robe he'd tossed on a neighboring chair, fished around in a pocket and pulled out two pill bottles.

"I found these on my nightstand this morning. You've really been down lately. Am I right in thinking that you intended to take all of them last night?"

She dropped her gaze. Her face had a haunted look, a mixture of guilt and fear. Unable to speak, she simply nodded.

"Listen, Sis. If making love to you was what it took to keep you from harming yourself, I have no regrets. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I love you more than anyone else on this Earth. This wasn't some perverted sex act. In fact, you're the only woman I've ever made love with." Kevin didn't know why he made that last comment, but the more he thought about it the more he was sure it was true. Kris stared at him dumbfounded.

"But Kev, you've had sex with other women before. You've told me about them."

"Sweetheart, I've been having sex since I was a junior in high school. I'm not a player. I'm not into one night stands. In the last ten years, I've been with four women. They've all been exclusive relationships. The shortest was three months. The longest was two years. I would have been with Donna six months at the end of next week. I liked every one of them. I care about them, even the ones I broke up with. I'm still friends with all of them. The problem is that I've never been in love with any of them. I had sex with them - sometimes lots of sex - but until now, I've never made love."

Kevin marveled at the shifting expressions on her face. Kristi never could hide her feelings from him. Usually, they could read each other like a book. Finally, her face morphed from confusion to anguish. Her lip began to tremble.

"It doesn't matter if you love me. I love you too, but I also love Tom. And...and now I've broken my wedding vows. I've cheated on my husband." Her face dissolved into tears once again and once again, she buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

He stroked her hair and rocked her, telling her it would be alright even though his gut told him something else. When she was cried out he tilted her head up again to make eye contact.

"Sis, I know what we did really crosses the line. If, in your loneliness and grief, you ran off and shacked up with some guy you didn't love, I'd be furious with you. But you need to ask yourself - where would Tom and the boys be right now if you hadn't stopped at my bedroom last night to seek comfort from someone who loves you?"

As he saw comprehension dawn on Kristi's face, he drove his point home.

"You see, don't you? You would have put Sam and Josh through what we went through when dad left. Tom would be a widower probably blaming himself for your death. It took Mom nearly a year before she stopped blaming herself and could function again. I think that's a big part of why we became so close. We pretty much raised each other physically and emotionally until Mom got her head straight."

Kristi appeared deep in thought. Slowly she began to shake her head.

"Come on, Sis. Which would have been the bigger sin, making love to me or abandoning your family to a lifetime of grief and self-doubt? Dad abandoned us, but he's still around somewhere. Look how that still affects us today. How much worse would it have been if he'd killed himself?"

"I see what you're saying, but how am I going to explain this to Tom? Tom was my first love and until last night my only. No boy ever got past first base with me until I met Tom. I knew from the moment we met that he would be the love of my life. This is going to devastate him."

"Sis, you can't tell him."

"But I've never kept secrets from Tom and I've never lied to him."

"I understand but we're between a rock and a hard place here. If you confess, it will be as bad - no, it will be worse than if you had taken those pills. Most likely, Tom will throw you out and try to get full custody of the boys. He'd probably never trust you again. If he thought you had a breakdown he might let you stay, but he'd never let me anywhere near you or the boys. Knowing him, he would probably bury himself even more in his work."

"What am I going to do? Tom won't listen to me. He's in denial. He won't go to counseling with me. When I try to talk to him, he tunes me out or gets angry. He accuses me of not supporting him or appreciating the sacrifices he's making for the family. I'll just end up staring at my meds again wanting to end the pain and you won't always be around to stop me. Besides, I don't want to spend the rest of my life on antidepressants and sleeping pills."

Kristi's face was flushed again, this time not from shame but from anger. For a long time, they held each other. Both were lost in thought trying to make sense of their predicament. Finally, Kristi slid off Kevin's lap and shuffled towards the bedrooms. She looked back over her shoulder.

"We should get cleaned up and dressed." As she turned back, she muttered. "Best sex I've had in years and I feel like shit."

Kevin shook his head and rose to follow. He understood. After an encounter like that he should have been grinning ear to ear and moving with a spring in his step. Instead he was moving like an eighty year old man.

Kristi felt a momentary dip in the water pressure as Kevin turned on the shower in the main bathroom. The hot water was soothing as it cascaded down her body. She felt grungy, but oddly enough, not from the sex - the hot, sweaty sex. She smiled ruefully as she cleaned herself out. Mustn't leave any evidence for Tom to find. For a brief moment, she hated herself. Then, for a while, she hated Tom. She felt sad that her boys had such screwed up parents. When she thought of her brother, she felt afraid. Kristi stared off into space trying to understand that one, but her mind balked at going there.

Ultimately, washing her hair became a zen moment. Shampoo..rinse..condition..rinse..comb out tangles..wrap in towel..dry. Her mind remained a blank until the soft tresses once again swirled around her shoulders. Immediately the sensuous sensation brought to mind the feel of Kevin running his fingers through her hair and caressing her face. The betrayal was complete when her body responded with hard, tingling nipples and inner muscles fluttering; a memory of the visitor they had so recently embraced

Damn it to Hell. In less than twenty four hours, she had gone from a sad, lonely, frustrated but faithful wife to a wildly horny slut who craved a forbidden cock. Damn! Damn! Damn! Her therapist was going to earn her fee this week.

Kevin flinched at the sound of Kristi stomping around in the master bedroom. He tucked in his shirt, zipped up his jeans and sat back on the bed to put on his socks and shoes. All the while, his mind darted about seeking a solution. With a half-smile, it occurred to him - that's what guys do. We fix things - except when we can't. Then we get angry or sulk or run away because we feel useless. That's what his brother-in-law was doing. Tom felt sorry for himself, got mad at his wife, then buried himself in his work because he couldn't fix the conflicting promises he made.

The master bedroom door was still closed when he stuck his head into the hall. Feeling somewhat relieved, he scooted out of the guest room and headed for the kitchen. The half-eaten breakfast still sat on the table. His stomach grumbled, but not with hunger. Even the smell of coffee was making him queasy. He settled for a cup of tea and a slice of raisin toast. By the time Kristi hesitantly entered the room, Kevin was washing up the last of the dishes.

"Hungry?"

"Hell no!"

"Cup of tea?"

Kristi shrugged. "Sure"

Once they both had a cup in hand, they looked around the kitchen, then back at each other.

"Hell no!" came out in unison which triggered more belly laughs. Tensions eased, Kristi tilted her head and they carried their tea into the family room. Without discussion, they sat next to each other on the futon. It wasn't until Kristi tucked her legs under her that Kevin became aware of her appearance.

Her mahogany hair floated just below her shoulders. It looked so soft and shiny that he wanted to reach out and run his fingers through it. She didn't have any makeup on which was fine with him. Why paint over perfection? Her only cosmetic was a subtle perfume that made his pulse race. Normally, she wore loose fitting jeans and a t-shirt around the house. Today, she had on a sun dress that came to mid-thigh and showed a generous amount of cleavage. The outline of her skimpy underwear was obvious through the thin material.

In all his twenty-eight years, he had never thought of his sister as just another woman. Like most other guys, the thought of kissing his sister made him cringe. That had all changed. His body was telling him that he was now in the presence of the most desirable, sexy woman he had ever met. He could feel his face flush and his nostrils flare. It got worse when he had to shift his package around to a more comfortable position in his now overcrowded jeans.

They sipped their tea in quiet companionship. When she was down to the dregs, Kristi spoke up.

"Tom hasn't had sex with me in over six weeks and it hasn't really been good for the past two years. We haven't had an honest to God vacation since the boys were out of diapers. When he does take me out, at some point he meets with a customer or picks up supplies or some other damn thing so the doofus can write off our dates as business expenses. You know what happens when I try to talk to him about it."

She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts.

"I've been seeing a therapist for over a year. She thinks Tom is using our marriage to work out his issues with his parents. Problem is, he's just as stuck as his father was and it's driving me crazy."

Kristi's emotions were all tangled up. She didn't know whether to cry or throw things. Kevin felt the tension build in her body, pulled her close and began to stroke her back. Eventually, she gave a sigh and relaxed. Laying her head on his shoulder, she continued baring her soul.

"I love Tom with all my heart. I don't know why anymore, but I do. Despite that, if it weren't for the boys, I'd have separated from him by now. He broke an important promise he made to me before we married. He swore he would never be like his father.

Tom complained all the time about how his dad was never around, how he missed birthdays and holidays and forgot anniversaries. Tom would go on and on about all the things he never got to do with his dad. When he went to work for his dad after college, Tom vowed that he would never do that to his wife or kids. When he proposed to me, he promised he would never abandon me like our dad." Kristi paused for a deep breath.

"Then his dad had that massive heart attack. Before he died, he made Tom promise that the business would stay in the family. That was right before Josh was born. Over the next six years, Tom turned into his father. I don't want Sam and Josh to go through what we went through or what Tom went through. I want a man in their lives who doesn't just vanish one day or flit through when it suits him."

Kristi slumped, exhausted. It worried Kevin how quickly she could go from righteous anger to hopeless defeat. He held her close and thought back over their life together. He thought about his nephews and how much he enjoyed spending time with them. It was cathartic doing for them what his dad never did for him.

He thought about Tom and Kristi. How sad that they both ended up recreating their parents' failed relationships. Tom became the distant father he both loved and hated. Kristi married a man who abandoned her emotionally if not completely physically. Kevin thought about his feelings for his big sister who had in many ways been both mother and father to him. Suddenly it struck him that he never let himself fall in love because, somehow, it would be disloyal to Kristi. He dated some wonderful women. A couple would have been good candidates for a permanent relationship, but there'd never been the spark. They weren't what he was looking for in a woman. They weren't Kristi. What a fucked up mess.

Kevin skipped classes to stay with Kristi. She just seemed too fragile. He didn't want to take the chance on leaving her alone. They spent some time reminiscing about their childhood and talking about Kevin's plans once he got his Master's degree. When the conversation waned, Kristi said she should start her chores and Kevin offered to help. She knew he was looking for an excuse to hang around and keep an eye on her. Normally she'd roll her eyes at the idea of her baby brother looking after her, but today it gave her a warm, safe feeling.

It didn't take long for Kevin to realize how tedious Kristi's life had become - do the dishes, clean up the kitchen, start some laundry, make the beds, pick up the boys room, start more laundry, fold dry laundry, put away dry laundry, scrub the toilets, the tub and the shower, grab a bite of lunch, run into town for groceries, pick up the dry cleaning, return home before the boys, put away the dry cleaning and the groceries. It was a mind numbing day broken only by a couple of hours with the boys while Kristi prepared dinner.

He offered to help, but Kristi said keeping the boys out of her hair was help enough. Humming as she bustled about did put Kevin more at ease. She'd made one of Tom's favorite meals - pot roast, potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, fruit salad and an apple pie for dessert. Kristi was a great cook and the aromas had his mouth watering. Just before everything was ready to be put on the table, she disappeared into her bedroom. Kevin's jaw dropped when she returned. His mouth wasn't watering, it was drooling. Giving him a saucy smile, Kristi pirouetted and struck a sultry pose.

"Think he'll like it?"

"If he doesn't he's either blind, drunk or dead."

She had on a filmy black blouse with two opaque pockets that kept the boys from noticing mommy forgot her bra. The jeans were painted on and the pumps had five inch heels.

"Got room for anything under those jeans?"

Her smile got wider.

"Just enough to keep the denim from chaffing. Oh, and thanks for noticing."

The good mood didn't last. Six o'clock came and went. She waited as long as she could before they sat down to eat. Every few minutes, Kristi glanced at her watch. It was obvious she was listening for the sound of the garage door opening. By the time the boys were pleading for their dessert, she was a wreck. Excusing herself, she went into the kitchen and dialed her husband's phone. When she came back, she seemed close to tears.

"What's up Sis?"

"He promised to be home by supper time or call if he got tied up. He's done neither and his phone goes straight to voice mail."

Kevin offered to stay over or at least hang around until Tom got home. Kristi finally convinced him she was OK. She was going to put the boys to bed early with the promise of an outing the next day and then deal with her husband whenever he decided to roll in. Kevin still made her swear on all she held dear to call him if she got in a bad place again.

She was scraping the last of the leftovers into storage containers when she heard the front door open. It startled her since Tom usually came in through the garage door.

"Tom?"

"Hey, sugar, sorry I missed supper."

She could see the back end of a taxi disappearing down their drive as she came into the foyer. Before she could ask, the smell of alcohol answered her question. He gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek and staggered off toward their bedroom.

"Man, do I need a shower. We ate dinner in a private dining room at the country club so half the guys lit up cigars after."

Kristi followed him into the bathroom as Tom stumbled about grinning broadly. She couldn't get a word in as he rambled on while having an epic struggle getting his clothes off. Finally in the shower he blathered about how good the water felt, what a hard day he had, blah, blah, blah. For a moment, Kristi was worried he'd slip in the shower - but only for a moment. It'd serve him right if he fell on his ass. Still grinning, Tom stuck his head out.

"We beat the deadline. VPI was happy. The clients were ecstatic at the sign off meeting. Tony Vallos treated everyone to dinner and I'm afraid we drank a little too much. "

It must have been quite a bit of booze since Tom returned home in a taxi instead of his F250.

"Were you too drunk to call home?" Tom's smile faded.

"Oh. My bad," he ducked back into the shower. He'd seen her face clouding up.

"I tried to call you but just got your voicemail." Her tone was clearly testy.

"I'm sorry, babe. Tony suggested we turn our phones off so our celebration didn't get interrupted. At least I'm home in time to make it up to you. Why don't you get ready for bed and I'll be right out."