I'm an Asshole

It doesn't matter! It is only three simple words when you think about in the scheme of things. That is the only the truth. The problem is I'm an asshole. I must be? You see, it mattered to me.

Why do you ask? It's an honest question. The simple answer is it's based on what you believe. We are all humans whatever that means. We have the free will to do what we will do. So why a stupid answer to a complex question? Is the one that any idiot can ask. Don't take offense if you believe I'm talking about you. I'm not. I just want you to look at my sad story from a different point of view. Assholes are not born they are created by the experiences of life.

Bullshit you say. I say thank you for putting a smile on my face. Others who have read this far are saying what a rube. Neither is wrong. Neither is right. I hope that when the two of you meet you won't fight. I'm not worth it to some. Others will say I wish I'd thought of that. That's life in someone else's eyes we are all full of shit. If you don't believe that I'll introduce you to my mom. I have proof of that if you want to see. In her eyes, she was a God. What she flushed down the toilet daily meant more to her than any man did.

Before I go any further, I feel its best that I explain. My mother was orange my father he was green. Most of the readers of this story are saying: WTF does this mean. Let me explain in a simple way that any rube can understand. After all, I must be an idiot for writing this. Being orange meant you were Catholic, being green meant you where Protestant who the Catholic's basically threw out for not being good enough.

That's the world I was born into. I was the third child born of a woman who in today society would be considered by some females as a dominating bitch. I honestly can't say she realized it. She ruled her world with an iron fist. It was: do as I say not as I do! If you disagreed in her eyes you ceased to exist.

Most men as we all know the end up marrying what we know. I know it's the truth. I learned it the hard way because I ended up marrying someone like my mom. I had to be a glutton for punishment. Perhaps I was trained by my mother to be some females bitch.

Now to the reason I authored this story. Ten weeks ago, I received a message on Facebook from a person I had not spoken to in almost forty-five years. The lady wanted my current address and phone number. I asked myself why after so long did she want this information. The only answer I could produce was the fact that when I left home, she was the daughter of a woman we called our Aunt. We had always considered her children as equal cousins. The problem was Elaine was my sister Debra's lifelong friend.

Elaine's parents had been the maid of honor and best man at my parents' wedding. That was why we were taught to call them Uncle and Aunt. At the time of her contacting me my sister Debra and I were the only original members of my parent's family alive. Elaine's parent first names had been Shelia and Dan. Her last name was now Brown. Her husband's name was Alvin. My sister Debra had married a man named Mike and had two daughters named Crystal and Tammy. Our older sister Donna had died as had my younger sister Trudy.

My walk in life was confronting me. My sister Debra is a walking talking mini version of our Mom. Donna and I took after our dad. The problem was my sister Debra hated me. Yes, I'm an Asshole. I must be. How can anyone say that about their family? Perhaps you should read the letter I wrote to Debra and Elaine.

I'm sending this letter registered so that I can prove that you both have received it. I'm sorry Elaine and Debra that it has come to this! It's time to finish it for good. It means I must reveal things that you don't want to recall or have chosen out of the need to forget. Whether you decide to believe me or not doesn't matter because of the outcome you Debra have forced.

Elaine your mother, God bless her soul was one of the most honest and straight forward females I have ever known. My last conversation with her near-death lasted for over three hours. When it ended thanks to her, I was a changed man. My eyes had been opened.

I want to inform you, Elaine, that growing up with your family during our childhood years gave me a blessing that I have carried with me throughout my walk in life. Little did I know that I was being trained to accept those who are physically or mentally challenged as being complete individuals in their own unique way. It has been an unexpected blessing that has served me well.

Now on to the last conversation I had with your mother Elaine. I learned some things I had never known. Like the fact that when my father and mother were dating my mother was playing the field by seeing someone else on the side. According to your mother, my Aunt Shelia the other man was considered by both to be an demanding strong male. My father was not. It was when my mother got a biological scare that she was forced to decide. My father she believed was the one that she could convince to marry her first. My mom did not love my dad when they got married. I was also informed that at the time of this conversation with your mother she still did not. Your mother pointed out that my mother had no love for me either because in her eyes I was just 'his son."

Elaine according to your mother My mother loved her three daughters unconditionally. The problem was me she could not because I was the product of someone, she did not consider a man. That statement told me a lot. It also explained why she would not allow me to have an honest relationship with my father.

The only problem Aunt Shelia said my mother had with her three daughters was that Debra lied to her about seventy percent of the time. Debra was the only child in my mother eyes who had the coldness of heart to be as tough and as dirty as her.

Aunt Shelia informed me that my parents had just been up. My mother had bragged about her latest male conquest. How good he was in bed and what she had been able to get out of him. She asked me how many lovers my mother had that I knew about. I replied male or female. I then said six or seven. Elaine your mother didn't seem surprised. Aunt Shelia said I had the count at nine. Aunt Shelia asked did your mother sleep with them all. I added it does not matter if she has slept with them or not because no what matter she was giving away what belonged to my father and her children.

Your mother seemed shocked to hear that coming from my mouth and asked who are you? I replied I was neither my father nor my mother. She asked me why? I replied when my younger sister Trudy was born, I knew she was not my fathers. I had caught her with Jim McCormick more than once. She was born with freckles and neither of my parents had any neither did either side of the family. As a result, I said my mother had to turn me into the family liar to protect her relationship with my father. That was when I learned that my mother had told your mother that I was the only family member that caught her in an actual sexual act with someone besides my father. Aunt Shelia said that my mother would never admit the truth to me when I was young because I was my father's son.

Elaine your mother then asked me a question that I had not been able to answer for twenty years. It was: Is your father that blind that he can't see what's right in front of him. I said I don't know. Now I can! He had found a way to hide his pain and tears while my mother played her ongoing games. Divorce was not acceptable back then. In his own way, he loved his children. Even the one that was not his.

Aunt Shelia asked me now that you're an adult do you plan to confront your mother. I asked her why I should I, she would never admit the truth to me no matter what. Elaine your mother said I was right.

Your mother Elaine asked me if I planned to go home? I replied why would I? It wasn't home. It was a place to rest one's head nothing more nothing less. It lacked the one ingredient needed to make a home and that was love.

Your mother Elaine then said your family does not know you. I told her she was right. I explained that I had rejected both my parents. My morals I got from my mother's father who was considered a cold and distance man. My ability for love came from my father's father who no one appreciated. I told your mother, Elaine, that my family judged me more on what they assumed about me than what I was. I too by most of my sisters had been written off like my dad.

Your mother Elaine Got quiet for a while and said they will never know you. I told her she was right. We as humans only see what we want to see and are prejudice by our point of view. Life to date is still proving that true. A question for you Elaine did your mother in her conversation lie. I can't say that and by the time this letter you will understand why.

Debra when you called to inform me that your second-born Tammy had gotten herself pregnant by the son of a Jehovah witness couple who refused to take responsibility for it. You made it clear that you hated all Jehovah Witnesses and that you would spend the rest of your life-destroying as any of them as you could. You knew that I was an elder in their church at the time and was right up until the time that my first wife Maria filed for divorce. I got kicked out because of the claims she made with your help in her divorce declaration of facts. I give you Debra full credit because only a woman like our mother could devise such a devious plan. She gave copies of it to the church, the police department social services and the courts. Only an intelligent woman like you would try to box a person in so that they had no room to move.

Debra, only you could produce charges of mental cruelty, physical abuse of my wife sexual molestation of my own two minor sons and others to be named. The church was willing to strip me of my authority if I admitted my sin and repented. The problem was if I did it with Maria's knowledge of the church it could be shown as proof that I had confessed. Unfortunately for you, you thought I was a walking talking mini version of my father. I had a backbone which allowed me to stand my ground. I refused to admit to something I did not do and got kicked out by the church for good. Debra, you didn't know that I hate lies. That's when I understood that you were holding me accountable because of who and what I am.

Sadly, Debra until this letter you felt that the men in your life were just a mini version of our dad. Mike your husband and I were not men. In your eyes, it was just your job to carry on just like mom. You were giving me what you thought I deserved. Since Tammy is your daughter there is a good chance that she is as honest to you as mom thought you were to her. It proves to me that in your eyes the truth matters not!

The next point Sis I want to bring up is the conversation you claimed you never had Debra. It was only after I faxed you proof that you admitted you did. That was back in 2001 the year of my living hell. You claimed finally that it was not about my divorce. I give you that it wasn't, but it created the situation that led to it. It really showed my now ex-wife your lifelong view of men. It was filled with how both you and mother had used punishment and reward to slowly turn your husbands from being equal partners to being submissive in their walk in life.

The 'Key' as you so elaborately explained was to give husbands little achievements on minor things so they would believe in their eyes that they were still men. I must admit that behavior modification works well. Down here in Missouri we use that program for training our male hunting dogs. We find the feminized bitches adapt to it well. Mom taught you well. I'm sure your husband Mike still does not understand that he's nothing but your submissive bitch.

Some of your own comments explain your thoughts well. Like their so stupid that they will never know, so blind that they can't see what's right in front of them and so trusting of us that they accept our lies as the gospel truth. I must admit when you trust someone that those comments are about right.

On what would have been Maria and my twenty-first anniversary about eight o'clock at night there was a knock at the front door of my rental townhouse. Not expecting anyone because all of Maria and my former friends had deserted me because of her false claims. I peeked through the peek hole to see my ex-wife standing there. I naturally assumed it was a trap and called the police. I was under court order to keep away from the bitch and my sons. They told me to leave my cell phone on so they could record the conversation to prove to the courts that I was been set up.

I answered the door and said why are you here? She said do you know what day it is. I answered of course so again I must ask you why are you here? Maria said Debra and I talked today, and we concluded that you have been punished enough. It's time for you to come home. I had to ask Maria why? Maria said Debra believes that you will now willingly accept your rightful place beside me doing as I wish. I asked what about the false charges? Maria answered explaining that we know they are not true. The public will accept that I am trying to rehabilitate a truly sick man. I slammed the front door in her face.

I said to the police officer did you get it. He said yes thank God that we did. He said the phone conversation in full will be released to all concern. Legally you will be clear by the end of the week. I said thank you. He then asked me to explain what I had done to my sister the one Maria called Debra. Sadly, I'm still trying to answer that. My name was cleared but in the eyes of the public, I was a ruined man.

So, Debra do you still claim you were not involved. I can't!

So, after four years my divorce was finally granted. I thought the horror story was over. Maria was not done, as we left the court, she turned to me and said by the way I named our second son after two of my lovers. I watched her walk away with a smile on her face.

I had to ask myself had I been blind like my father. Had Maria made me a cuckold too. Were the rumors started by Mike's parents true? Had he been a cuckold for most of his life too? Were all three of us given the ultimate disrespect of having to raise and pay for another man's child? Is that why our wives woke up with a smile on their face every morning?

Debra our sister Donna and I have always had an honest relationship. I still wonder why because of our family's history. I learned from Facebook that she was in the hospital because other family members were led to believe I wasn't worth contacting. I called her and she informed me that she had stopped taking her pills and that once she was released, she was going to do it again. I said okay you decided it your time. Can you explain why? She said Debra has been managing my life for years because of my health problems. I'm tired of her telling me what to think who to believe and what to say to who. If I told her of our relationship, she would find a way to kill me herself. Her hate for you is so great it consumes her. Even her daughters have developed her belief concerning you. When Debra tried to get me to move up with her you told me to talk to my pastor, my caregivers and friends to discover what I would be giving up in support. I had to give her a reason I refused to move so I said you had told me not too. I said that's okay it gives her another reason to hate me. It no longer matters to me since Debra has not talked to me personally in over sixteen years.

My last words to Donna was I love you sis and that I would see her on the other side. A week later I learned from Facebook that she was dead.

Then eight months later you Debra, get our cousin Elaine a person who I have not talked to in forty-five years to contact me on Facebook messenger asking for my phone number and address. It made me realize that if I am alive you are going to find a way to come after me. You won't be happy until you have done to me what you got donna to do to herself.

So, Elaine, I sent you this letter and to Debra both so that you can both conspire what to do next. Remember at the start of this letter I asked Elaine if her mother would lie. I said that I didn't believe she would. You see my first wife was like my mother. My second is like your mother Elaine. In the eighteen years, we have been married we have never had an argument or a disagreement. To me that says it all. Debra, please consider me dead to all your family. I have already paid the price dearly because of your past conduct. Let me live the rest of my life with you behind me. If you don't, I promise to hire a private investigator to read this letter to your husband Mike in person.

I did send the letter eight weeks ago. Yeah, I admit I'm an asshole. I did send them registered mail from Missouri to Canada. I got Elaine's back. Debra's, I had it searched to confirm it was signed for. I learned that Debra's was signed for by her husband Mike.

Why am I drafting this story it's because I got a second message from Elaine via Facebook messenger. It seems that Mike read it before he got home. It seems it must have opened his eyes. Once he got home, he went into his gun safe and loaded up the twenty-two. My sister Debra went down with one shot between the eyes.

I know I'm an asshole and I am dam proud I am.

The moral to the story ladies is that its best to remember there is more than one way to burn the bitch. In this case, all It took was for a man to see the truth.

Finished.