Idolatria Ch. 07

Proverbs 24:26

I can't be here.

I can't do this.

I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but it was like the air wouldn't catch my vocal cords. Carefully, I shifted myself up as if to test whether Levi would pin me back down... But he didn't move. I could have wormed out from under him without a fight, and he'd leave me alone anyway if I just said the word, if I just...

But our faces were so close now... I could feel the soft warmth of his breath, his hair brushing my cheek. The color of his eyes, the shadows rimming them... The barest flush of pink on the crest of his cheekbones...

Every familiar part of me told me how wrong this was.

And yet the unfamiliar parts were waking.

I closed my eyes to block Levi from my mind, but he was still there, so close, so warm, and neither of us pulled away, and I could feel gravity pressing from below me in the strangest way, and static moving my muscles, and my mouth touching... lingering...

It was chaste and brief. I couldn't manage more than that... The foreign sensation of warmth against my pressed lips, the shocking softness of another man's... of Levi's mouth left me numb everywhere else, until I felt my arms cramping from holding myself up. Muscles quaking, I dropped back and looked up at him, his eyes opening when mine did. Until this moment, I don't think I had realized how long a guy's eyelashes were... How things we perceived as feminine hid in plain sight within masculine lines... As I stared, Levi brought his hand up under my jaw, rubbing his thumb over its edge.

"Did you answer yourself?" he asked softly.

It wasn't until I tried to speak that I noticed how labored my breathing was. I swallowed and... nodded. "Yeah... I... yeah."

Levi's eyes glittered. "I should make you beg," he teased, "after everything you put me through for this."

I probably would have if this kept going... but I didn't get a chance. Levi lifted my face and sealed his mouth over mine, and his kiss was bereft of my hesitation, my reserve, my fear... and in their place was fierce and impure abandon.

It was nothing I'd ever felt before. His lips pushed, parted mine, met every corner of my open mouth. His face tilted as if to fit our jaws together. Our noses brushed, fighting for the air between us. Intolerable sensations. Immeasurable heat. Every sense in my body was being devoured and replaced and I welcomed it, I wanted it, I needed...

When we separated again, I was gasping for breath.

Levi smiled. "That better?"

I gulped and nodded vigorously.

He sat back and unpinned my legs, then beckoned me up. I struggled upright, suddenly hyperaware of my heart thumping in the tips of my fingers. As soon as I was level with him, Levi put his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap, parting my legs around his waist and forcing me to grab his shoulders for support, and my breath came out in a shudder... In this position, our torsos completely melded, my face was slightly above his, and I could just watch him gazing up at me forever...

But Levi had other plans. I'd barely caught my breath before he seized my open mouth again, and I closed my eyes and moaned into his.

The moment the noise left my throat, I knew I was gone. I let my body melt into Levi's arms, one wound around my waist, the other behind my shoulder, brushing my hair back behind my ear, the backs of his fingers stroking my cheek... I jolted as his tongue pressed into my mouth, unfamiliar and alien... But as it entwined my own and our mouths further melded, I let myself fall deeper into him.

At long last he pulled back, our lips reluctantly unsticking. I suddenly realized that, despite the warmth between us, I was shivering like I'd been dipped in ice water.

"Nervous?" he asked.

I laughed weakly. "I... guess so."

"Do you want to stop?"

Heart pounding, I shook my head.

"Good," he smiled. "Will you let me touch you?"

"I... thought you already were."

"Not the way I want to," he whispered.

My chest shivered harder... I couldn't tell him no, but... my assent wouldn't come out, either. To my relief, Levi heard the words I couldn't say. He dropped his gaze to the rest of me, dragging his hands down my spine, snagging on my shirt at every chance on the way. I felt his fingers idle at my waistband, teasing the skin above my jeans and raising goosebumps. And then slowly, agonizingly, his hands ran over my backside, caressed me, gently squeezed until I gasped for him. Apparently satisfied, he stroked down my thighs and back up, then slipped his fingers into my back pockets and left them there.

He met my eyes again. "Good?" he asked softly.

I was having trouble drawing words out of myself suddenly. I couldn't stop shaking, couldn't get my chest, my lungs to stop pounding. "I... feel like I'm gonna die," I croaked.

"You're a little overexcited," Levi said gently, moving a hand to my shoulders. "Just breathe... Nice and deep and slow, okay? I've got you. You're all right."

I didn't think I was going to be able to calm down with Levi still holding me... But he helped me lean on him and put my head over his shoulder, rubbing my back soothingly, and I focused on trying to get my breathing and my heartbeat under control. It still took me a few minutes, but when I pulled back, I'd stopped shaking at least.

"You all right?"

"Yeah... think so."

"Scary, huh?"

"I'm fucking terrified right now," I said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah?" he grinned. "I'm sure. What are you scared of?"

"I'm kinda... still in your lap."

"Yup. You wanna move off?"

I felt another tremor in my stomach. "It's... I'm... It's more something else..."

"Tell me."

"Are..." I bit my lip and drew a shaky breath, forcing myself to meet Levi's eyes. "A... Are we... having sex?"

Levi blinked slowly, looking down and back up at me... then he snorted. "Right now? Gosh, I hope not, I can't feel a thing," he said, face struggling to keep straight.

My face burned again. "I'm being serious!"

"So am I... Oh, god, Ash, no," Levi smirked. "There's no way I'd be able... I'd fucking break you. No... I'd like to. If I could, I'd take you to bed right now. But you're nowhere near ready and I don't want to hurt you."

As much as this revelation stirred different fears and feelings in me, I at least felt my nerves calming somewhat.

"Couch is getting cramped, though," he said, shifting his legs under me. "C'mon. Get up."

I had never had to dismount from someone's lap in this position, and it proved more awkward than I thought - and Levi's subsequent clap on my ass made me jump a mile once I was on my feet. I stood back to let him up, and without a word, he walked over to his little stereo speaker, unplugged it, and strolled back to the hallway with it still playing in his hand, its music echoing off the walls. I followed after him like a lost puppy.

And my heart skipped a beat as I realized we were in his bedroom.

"Y - uh... You just said we weren't going to -"

"I'm not fucking you," said Levi, in what I think was supposed to be reassurance. "Just thought it'd be more comfortable." He dropped himself on the edge of the bed and stuck the wireless speaker on a shelf beside it... leaving me to marvel at the room he brought me to.

Well, no - the room itself wasn't anything special. Same wood floors, same exposed brick along the wall behind the bed, the flat walls painted a dark, muted blue, furnished with a dresser and a mirror beside a closet door... But then there was the bed itself.

It was hard to believe that Levi would have put this bed here only ever expecting to use it by himself. It was big and roomy, a four-poster made up of black metal beams that held up a grid of bars like the roof of a cage. Its headboard was upholstered in what looked like blue faux leather, the platform under the mattress bearing a set of three drawers along its side, and at its foot, a matching cushioned bench. It was strange, but subtle... Until I looked closer and saw the large rings dangling from steel bearings bolted into the posts. Each corner beam had one set halfway up and another at its base, all pointed inwards, and the headboard had a small metal bar set into a hollow at its top. Even with my feeble imagination I could guess what the whole structure was for.

"Levi - wait - do you tie people to this bed?"

Levi looked surprised, as if he'd only just noticed anything strange about where he slept. "Well, I haven't yet," he said surreptitiously.

"And you sleep here?"

"Sure. Why wouldn't I?" he shrugged.

I had to stifle a laugh. Levi's nonchalance over this oddity was... something. But it did sort of alleviate the shock of it. I walked over and ran a hand down one of the cold beams. "Where do you even get something like this?"

"Well, this one, I built."

"You built it?"

"I mean, not the whole thing," he said, crossing one leg over his knee. "Buddy of mine does the welding. But yeah, I designed it and put it together. This one was supposed to be a prototype, and I was gonna sell it once I got pictures... But it kinda grew on me."

I walked over while he was talking and plopped down on his other side. "Is this on the, uh... 'furniture and installations' part of your website?"

Levi's eyes sparkled. "Ooh. Did you get curious and go poking around in my gallery?"

My cheeks flamed. "I - a little? Maybe..."

"How much?"

"I don't know... How much does something like this cost, anyway?"

"To build or to own from my site?"

"I - your price, I guess."

He sighed and frowned, thinking. "Well, they're built to order... I don't exactly have them ready-made waiting downstairs. But for me to build someone a new one of this guy... Thirty-five."

I blinked. "Thirty-five what?"

"Hundred."

"What - dollars? You're selling this for three grand?"

"And someone will buy it, too," said Levi, a slight note of pride in his voice. "And often, they'll pay for me to deliver and assemble it if they're in my range. Part of why I've got the truck."

I ran my hands through my hair, stunned. "How often do you sell this kinda thing...?"

"The bed?" he asked. "Not often, but I have other things... I installed something in a guy's house two weeks ago. Look, kink furniture is an extremely niche business, and by its own nature, it requires quality and precision for it to be functional and safe. So if people can get that, it's worth the price to them."

I couldn't help but feel Levi's smile infecting me the longer this went on. "So you sell enough of this stuff - the leather gear and the, what... kink furniture, to support yourself?"

"Comfortably enough," he replied with a shrug.

I flopped back on the bed with a sigh, letting my arms fall above me. Overhead, the iron grid of beams taunted me with its purpose. I closed my eyes. "Why is hanging out with you like being shown into Narnia every time?" I groaned.

Levi suppressed a snort of laughter. "I mean, hey... You're the one in the closet, not me."

"Wh - fuck you!" I sat bolt upright and shoved him, my face on fire - only for Levi to push back and pin me to the bed by my wrists, leaning over me with a playful grin on his face. In the midst of me trying to remember how to breathe again, he pressed his mouth over mine once more, lingering, feeding on me. When he pulled back, I was panting.

"I think I could get to enjoy this," Levi smirked. The hand on my left wrist released and traced my cheek, teased my throat, forced a tremor through my chest. "But you'd look so much better with my collar on..."

I swallowed, feeling my larynx bob against his fingers. "I... think I kinda want it, Levi," I confessed.

"Well, when it's not 'kinda' anymore, maybe I'll claim you," he purred.

My breath shuddered out. Lazily I brought my freed hand to meet his, trying to get between his fingers - but something took me aback.

"Levi - are you shaking?"

I had only just realized that Levi's hand was trembling against my skin - was he... actually as nervous as me? He didn't seem like it. But as soon as I drew attention to it, he clenched his fist and pulled back with a stretch, sprawling on his side next to me instead. "I'm fine. But look - putting a collar on you isn't something I'm going to do lightly. I just think you should know that."

I rolled over to see him better. "You gave me one to wear last time."

"You're right. And that was a play collar, one that wasn't yours... I mentioned last time, if you were going to wear a collar for me, it was going to be one made only for you." Levi breathed out slowly, his eyes lowering. "But now that we're on that... I really shouldn't have done it before. Even for play. That was my fault... I pulled you too deep, too quick."

"You mean when I ran?"

He nodded, chin in hand.

I frowned. "I was the one who asked you to do that, though," I told him. "I made you show me the store... I asked you to show me what being a submissive was like."

"The store was one thing - I knew you were going to keep bugging me about it, and it was better to introduce you myself instead of having to fix a skewed perception later," he sighed. "And I could have been gentler about it. But no - I got a thrill watching you explore, answering your questions, leading you down into my world with barely a hand to hold onto, and when you asked me to show you how to submit... I should have been responsible enough to tell you no. And even if I didn't stop right then, I had opportunities at every turn to end the scene, to see that you were getting overwhelmed - until I ended up forcing you to use your safe word."

As he spoke, I thought I saw Levi's eyes darken... not with anger, but with something like sadness. "Why didn't you end up stopping?" I asked.

He seemed hesitant to answer. "Selfishness, probably," he muttered. "No... definitely. Fuck, Ash, I'd been fantasizing about dominating you since that day you knelt in front of me in church. And there you were begging me for it, and if I hadn't exerted the barest minimum of conscious thought, I likely would have taken you over the counter."

This revelation was making a vein throb close to my groin. I shifted my legs and shoved a hand in my pocket to assuage it in what I hoped would be a casual way. "I mean... Levi, it's not like you raped me," I said.

He half-smirked. "Yeah... that's not exactly a point in my court if that's the least I can say. You didn't full understand what I was asking you to consent to."

"I think I would have made you do it anyway."

"And it still would have been my responsibility to recognize what you could take. You haven't even figured out your sexual preferences... I didn't have any business tying you up."

I laughed, embarrassed. "I mean, I..." My throat was tight as I tried to speak. "I liked it, though... you tying me..."

Levi grinned darkly. "Yeah. I can tell."

I shoved him again. In response, he sat up and grabbed me around my torso, dragging me over his lap as I yelped in protest. When I tried to worm away, he clapped me on the seat of my pants and propped his arms on my back.

"Are you getting hard again?" he snickered.

"Aw, fuck off..."

"You are. Oh, my god. You're poking my leg right now."

"That's my phone, you asshole...!"

"It's definitely not."

A round of wrestling broke out between us. The moment I was on top, Levi clamped his arms around me and dragged me back to the bed with him, pressing a kiss to my lips - just one. Blood pressure re-elevated, I pushed myself up with my elbows straddling his shoulders.

"So do you keep your phone in the front of your jeans?" he teased softly. "Because otherwise, that's your cock jamming me in the gut."

I couldn't think of a way to lie about it now - the throb of my dick pinned between us was a lot more obvious. Breathless, I looked down at Levi's calm, bemused face, feeling incredibly small.

"I don't... I still don't know if I'm gay or bi or whatever right now," I said weakly.

Levi's voice was gentle, consoling. "Do you want to stop?"

I paused. "Not... really."

As if to answer my unsaid plea, Levi's hands ran down my back, around my hips, waking shivers in my core - and stopped when we both felt the buzz in my left pocket.

"Okay, that is your phone."

I snorted and sat up, swatting his arm. I was about to take the thing out and just get it out of the way... But the message flashing onto the screen caught my eye. It was a text message from Marc.

Hey man, are you done with the reading thing yet? I wanted to as...

"Fuck!" It was past eight now.

Levi sat up as I scrambled off him, his voice concerned. "What's up?"

"I need to go home - I didn't do any of my shit for class tomorrow," I groaned. "I'm sorry..."

"Go home," he said simply. "It's fine."

"I... I didn't mean for this to get -"

"It's fine," he assured me. With a stretch, he got up and wrapped his arms lazily around my waist. "But if I find out this is just to get away from me, I might make you pay for it," he grinned. Before I could think of something clever to say, he kissed me gently, then drew back with his face suddenly serious. "Don't regret doing this."

"Doing... doing what? Going home?"

"You know what." He let go and stepped around me, gave me a slap on the ass, and led the way out of the bedroom, his music still playing behind us. "C'mon. I'll get your coat for you."