I Tried as Hard as I Could

WHY? How come? What's going to happen to me? Where do I go from here? What could I have done differently? These are but a few of the questions someone asks themselves when things go bad in our lives and relationships. I was always taught if you were a good guy, worked really hard, and did the best you can, things would turn out alright. I think I've done those things, and things didn't turn out alright.

My name is Tom Carroll and I was raised in a small midwestern city. It was a simple but happy childhood until I was thirteen years old. My father was a custodial maintenance man, or a janitor as we called them back then. So, we really never had much money. My mom was a homemaker. That all changed when my dad was killed in a car accident two days after my thirteenth birthday. I was the older of two kids so I needed to make some money to help my mom. She went to work cleaning houses and I took in a paper route before school and worked in a restaurant three days a week after school, along with Friday and Saturday nights. My sister at eleven was taken care of by a neighbor lady after school. We barely got by.

I did this all through high school before I went to a two-year junior college. Even then I worked five nights a week at the restaurant while I had classes during the day. I was never very good in academics. Partly because I didn't like school and partly because I worked so much. I hardly had time to do my homework, much less study. My grades were always just average, but my mom made me get at least two years of business classes in college. I saw to it that my little sister got a four-year degree and even a masters so she could teach in high school.

When I got out of college, I stayed with the restaurant chain where I had been working. I waited tables, but I was made assistant manager also. I was making as much as fifty grand a year, but I worked six days a week, every week. It might seem terrible to some, but without school I felt like I had a little time for the first time since I was thirteen years old. I had a car of my own. An old car, but it was in good shape and it was mine. I still lived at home and helped my mother out, but I did get out to date and have fun with the guys. This was the way my life was for five years when two things happened. First, I was made manager of the restaurant which meant more responsibilities. The other thing that happened was I met my future wife jenny.

I was invited to a party by a friend on a Saturday night. I got to the party late because I was working, so it was already going strong. My friend John and his wife Angel were waiting for me. I learned later that they couldn't wait to introduce me to their friend Jenny. Jennifer Jacobsen was about five foot eight with a trim figure and long brown hair. She wasn't a classic beauty, more of a girl next door type. But to me she was everything I could have hoped for. It truly was love at first site. I felt the attraction on her side also, as we seemed to connect right away. She was smart, articulate, funny, and had a way about her that was just so attractive. She was a year younger than my twenty-five and she worked as a fund raiser for a local charity. She loved her job and Angel told me she was very good at what she did.

Long story short, we were married about a year later. My Mom obviously had no money, but Jenny's family was quite well off. I don't think her parents really took to me. I guess they thought she married below herself. The wedding was at their country club and was big affair. We honeymooned on a Caribbean island thanks to a gift from her mom and dad. When we got home, we moved into an apartment and started our life together.

Two and a half years later we had two daughter Lucy and Maggie. They were wonderful and those first eight years of our marriage were the happiest time I've ever known. By that time Jenny's parents warmed up to me a lot. They were crazy about our daughters and her dad really appreciated how hard I worked for my family. I was now manager of the restaurant working nine-hour days six days a week. But I was happy to do it and I was used to working hard all my life. Now, I had a good reason.

Now fast forward about eight years and both girls were in high school. Lucy was a junior and Maggie was a sophomore. I suppose they were closer to their mom. I tried to never miss an event or game in their life, at least as much as I could. But by this time Jenny was vice-president and head of development at a large private university in our town. The university was a top twenty academic school and hers was a very big job. Her schedule was eight in the morning till about five at night. She would get home, have time with the girls and then be off again to work. There was always plays, concerts, athletics events, and dinners with donors or groups of people from the university. I was now area manager of all three of the restaurants in the area. My work day would start about ten in the morning till around seven at night six days a week. It was hard work, but I was proud of the restaurants. They were family style places. Nothing fancy, but the stores were clean, the service was friendly, and the food was good.

Jenny was always telling the girls about the people she met, the dinners with the wealthy, and the outings with celebrities. She also did a bit of traveling to conferences and meetings with donors. She made more money than I did, and I suppose there's nothing glamorous about running family style restaurants. Still, I was happy and I was doing the best I could. Sundays were always our family time together, but the last few months Jenny and the girls would sleep in, before going shopping, lunch, and sometimes a spa visit. They seemed to have a good time, but I was never included. I would usually get up early, go the church, and then do yard work or anything else needing to be done around our house.

It was a very gradual thing, but I could feel my family pulling away from me. I'm sometimes kind of dense when it comes to some things. And I can't tell you why it happened, but I spent very little time with my family. I tried. I got up each morning to fix everyone breakfast. It's just that my hours put me on a different schedule. After breakfast, I would clean the kitchen, pay the bills if needed, before cleaning around the house. Then I would get ready for work and be gone till after seven. Jenny would rarely be home while the girls would be doing homework or on the phone. I would heat something up and eat by myself. By the time Jenny got home it was nine or ten, and I was exhausted from my day. We barely had time to talk anymore, much less make love. It's sad really. I'm usually considered a good-looking guy. I'm tall at six feet one. I'm still slender and in pretty good shape. I still weigh the same as I did when we met. The fact is I still have a lot of girls hit on me. That's kind of the way it is in the restaurant business. Where at one time, Jenny and couldn't keep our hands off each other, now she seems hardly interested. I wish I kne

w why it happened but, like I said, it was so gradual I didn't notice.

It was February of 2020 that everything changed in my career. Covid-19 or the Coronavirus hit our country. We immediately saw a huge drop in business at the restaurants. I cut back my staff and purchased less food and supplies. By early March we were ordered to close the stores and I was told we would probably not reopen. It seems our land and buildings, wholly owned by our parent company, were more valuable than the three stores. Even though I knew ours were among the more profitable and efficiently run, they were hell bent on taking advantage of our good locations to sell when the virus passed.

I had never been out of work in my life, and I was determined to find something. I knew the easiest thing to do was something Jenny would hate; that is, clean houses. I was sure Jenny would think that was beneath her family, but what was I to do. I was going to support my family no matter what she thought. I didn't think it was a time to be overly proud.

So, I got on the phone and started lining up some jobs. From the restaurants, I knew a lot of people. People from all levels of society. Within one week I had some jobs. Within three weeks I was bringing in fourteen hundred a week, most of it in cash. These people all were friends so they realized it was much better for me to get cash instead of a check. I could do two homes everyday and at five till seven I cleaned some offices. I still got up to fix breakfast, but my first job started at eight thirty. So, my work days started then till I arrived home around seven thirty. My daughters were off school from early March till September when they reopened. Jenny went in to her office occasionally, but did most of her work from home. So, with gloves and mask in hand, I carried my cleaning supplies to work six days a week. Jenny wasn't happy about it, but I felt I needed to do it.

My life went on this way till middle of July. The girls were still off school just hanging out or doing whatever. Jenny, was busier than ever raising money to try and make up for the time lost. I think that's what they were doing because I didn't see much of my family. I was still cleaning six days a week and my body was starting to break down. I didn't want to complain, but the work and the hours had drained me. It was on a Thursday while eating my lunch that I got an unexpected phone call. The call was from a Phoenix area code or I wouldn't have answered. The headquarters for my old employer was located in Phoenix, so I recognized it.

"Hello."

"Tom, this is Len Roberts from Western Investments." I knew of Mr. Roberts name because he was the president of the investment group that owned my old restaurant chain.

"Hi Mr. Roberts, how are you."

"I'm fine Tom, thank you for asking. I wanted to talk to you abut a job and I hope you would be at least interested to talk about it. But before I discuss the offer, I want to deeply apologies for the way we treated you back in March. We treated you without regard for you as a person. And the fact is, you might have been the best area manager we had in the company. Your stores were run efficiently and meticulously. I guess we got caught up with our own personal problems with the virus, as well as the multitude of issues we had all throughout the company. But the way we treated you was inexcusable. When someone does a good job, you should appreciate their efforts, not kick then to the curb. I'm very sorry."

"That's alright Mister Roberts. It was a difficult time for everyone. I tried not to take it personally. I'm lucky enough to have come out of the pandemic, both health wise and financially."

"Thank you, Tom, that's all good to hear. Now let me get to the other reason I called. As you probably know, we have twelve restaurants in our area. Ten in Arizona and two in Las Vegas. The manager we had retired two months before Covid-19, and to say the stores have been floundering would be a gross understatement. The man we replaced him with has really dropped the ball. I'm not going to go on about him, but we find ourselves in a critical situation. The stores need leadership and we feel you're the best man for the job. We'll reward you for your efforts. Your salary will be twice what you were making and with incentives you could be making three times the number. A company car will be provided as well as any moving expenses and a housing allowance for the first year. What are your thoughts?"

"Wow Mister Roberts, I don't know what to say. This comes completely out of the blue. I think I need some time to think about it and discuss it with my wife."

"I understand Tom. I am in a bind, so when do you think you could get back to me?"

"I'll tell you what. Please give me till Monday and I'll give you a call. Is that OK?"

"That's fine Tom. I look forward to hearing from you." We talked for a few more minutes about the job before Mr. Roberts changed the subject.

"Before we go Tom, do you have another minute? I wanted to mention something to you."

"Sure, Mister Roberts, what is it?"

He paused a moment before he went on. "Before I called you, we did some checking on you to see if you might be available. I found out you've been cleaning houses and offices to make some money. I have to say I really admire you for that. My own mother used to clean houses to help out when I was a kid. You should be proud of yourself. Not a lot of guys would do that for their families, despite what they would say. That's another reason I know I had to call you with this offer. I knew I wanted to work with you."

I started to choke up, but I didn't want him to know it. So, I thanked him again and promised I would call Monday.

I didn't think my family would want to move to Arizona, but I didn't want to dismiss the offer too quickly. To me it would be a great job and a real challenge. I decided to think on it and talk to Jenny Saturday night. She didn't mention having anything Saturday, so we could sit down to talk. Then we could discuss it with the girls Sunday when the whole family could be around.

For the next couple of days, I could hardly think of anything else. Mr. Roberts was so nice to me and seemed a genuine person. I was flattered with his offer, plus I knew I couldn't keep up the pace I was doing. Seventy-hour weeks were draining me. And I was lonely since I rarely saw my family. I was always working by myself, and I had no social outlet whatsoever. Mister Roberts told me that they would demand I work a five-day week with no more than eight- or nine-hour days. They felt I was important to them and they didn't want me burning out. He said I was no good to them if I couldn't work.

Saturday at noon I dropped by my house because I forgot to pack my lunch. Jinny's car wasn't there, but there were a few other cars in the driveway so the girls must be having friends over. I parked on the street and just went in the front door because it was easier. My two girls were on the back porch with three friends. I rarely see my kids anymore during the day so I stopped just to look at them. I love my daughters so much. I just wish I could spend more time with them. On such a nice day the windows were open so I eavesdropped a little.

Their friend Jan was talking so I listened. "Where is your mom today?"

"She went to the spa," Lucy said. "She wanted to get her hair and nails done. I think she was going to get a spray tan also. I hope I look anywhere near as good as my mom when I'm her age."

"What about you Dad?" her friend Page asked, "I haven't seen him in like forever."

"Look, I love my dad, but he really is kind of a loser. All he does is work and I don't know if he has any friends."

"How can you say that?" Jan questioned, "Your dad is a really good-looking guy, and everyone thinks he's one of the nicest dad's around."

"Oh, come on," Katie answered. "My dad has the biggest loser job there is. I mean he cleans houses for God's sake. My mom has outgrown him long ago. It's sad really."

That's all I heard, or could stand. I quietly went out the front door and immediately threw up on the front lawn. I was sick to my stomach and an emotional basket case. When did they lose all respect for their father? To my face they had never shown that kink of attitude. If I'm truthful, lately they had shown no interest in me at all. Like I was invisible to them. I didn't know what to say or do, but I had some cleaning appointments set up that I needed to honor. So as bad as I felt, I went and did my job as best I could. I hoped I could talk to Jenny tonight and she could make me feel better.

I arrived home that night around seven twenty. Katie was the only one home and she was up in her room. I asked her where everyone was? Lucy was at a friend's house and she said mom was out to a dinner meeting. That seemed strange because Jenny always told me her schedule and she hadn't mentioned anything. Even if she had a last-minute thing, she would leave me a message. I was still distraught from earlier and I didn't want to wait to talk to Jenny till tomorrow. When I called her on the phone it went straight to voicemail. That was strange, so I used the phone locater app to find where she went. We had put those apps on all our phones so we would know where the girls were. What the locater showed was Jenny at a very expensive French restaurant where we had never been. I changed my shirt and pants and headed over to the place. It was only about twenty minutes from our house.

When I got to the restaurant, I asked the maître'd if there was a large party here from the university. He explained they had no table for a bigger group. The tables were only for two's or four's by reservation only. He gave me permission to have a quick look around for my wife. The place was very dark and intimate, so it took me a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. I finally saw Jenny. She was sitting at a cozy little table for two with a man I didn't know. He might have been a little older than me and he was very good looking while dressed in a very expensive looking suit. For her part, Jenny looked so beautiful. Now I know why she spent the day at the spa to get ready for this date. Her hair and makeup were perfect. She had on a shorter black dress that clung to her curves. I had never seen it before; it must have been new. Plus, the black heels were taller than anything she had ever worn with me. It was a very romantic scene.

I told the guy at the door I didn't see my wife and went to my car. It's embarrassing to say in my car I put my head on the steering wheel and cried my eyes out. I cried because I had lost my wife. I had lost my daughters. And I had lost the respect of the people I loved most in the world.

I couldn't face going home, so decided to go to my mom's house for the night. I left a message on Jenn's phone where I was and I would be home tomorrow. My mom knew something was wrong as soon as I got there. I could never hide my emotions from her so she asked me to tell her about my day. So, I told her everything that happened. I told her not only about that day, but also my life leading up to this. How I felt isolated from my family, and lonely. I finally told her my whole married life felt like a waste because I had neither the caring nor respect of my family. I couldn't help myself when I broke down in tears in front of my mom.

She came and sat beside me on the sofa. She put her arms around me as she softly whispered, "Tommy, you should not feel this way. You have been a wonderful husband and father. And you are the finest man I have ever known. You have worked tirelessly your whole life to take care of your loved ones. I don't understand what has happened to your family? But if they have somehow lost their respect for you, then shame on them."

After a few minutes sitting like this I said, "Mom, like always you've told me exactly what I needed to here. I'm emotionally drained right now. Why don't I get some sleep? Tomorrow I'll take you to church and then out to a nice breakfast?"

I didn't return till after seven the following evening. I decided I wanted to spend as little time at home right now as possible. These three people had betrayed me in the worst way. The girls I could almost deal with. After all, they were teenagers and lacked the maturity to appreciate things in life. But their mother had disrespected me terribly. Now I know where the girls got their condescending attitude. When I did get home, Jenny was more friendly than usual, but she couldn't look me in the eye. That was hard to explain. Maybe she was feeling some guilt about her date the night before. But it's hard to tell because I didn't know how long she'd been dating. Or with how many guys.

I feigned sickness that evening and slept in the guest bedroom. The next morning, I was up early and out the door. Not bothering to make breakfast like usual. I had a lot to get done. I decided to accept the job with Mr. Roberts. I called all my cleaning customers to thank them and tell them I had to quit. I got my car worked on the upcoming move. Friday morning, I would send the girls on errands and then pack my clothes, laptop, and personal items. I would do my family a big favor and walk out of their lives. They had humiliated me for the last time. I saw our investment advisor and cashed in some investments. They gave me a check for two hundred thousand dollars to take with me. That would leave Jenny and the girls three hundred thousand in savings, a house almost paid for worth five hundred thousand, Jenny's retirement account, plus money we had set aside for the girl's college. That should leave them in good shape and give me some money to settle in. From what I heard and saw, they probably wouldn't miss me.