How to Destroy a Perfect Marriage Ch. 03

"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

"No, I give up," Alice replied: "What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter" ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

The insanity begins...

The drive home from the hotel was a somber experience for both. For Dan, he felt a small sense of balance returning to his life. The dark clouds of self-doubt cleared enough to bring w a bit from his thought process. A and seriously needed someone to talk to. But who? So he kept it to himself but kept all that occur to himself. needed that small miracle to keep his family together. The last two weeks had been a nightmare of insanity. Thoughts of loss, self-doubt, hate, and planning revenge had boiled in his brain 24/7. It could have crippled another man, but Dan kept himself in check by demanding 2 things of himself.

(1) He would not allow himself to consume any alcohol. Dan knew himself well enough to know all it would take is one to get him started. After that, anything could happen and instead, and he...

(2) ...kept reminding himself to put his children first. They would suffer the most if he did not think things through to their conclusion. The cost that would be paid for stupid knee-jerk reactions was unacceptable.

And now where they? This emotional roller coaster ride was because of what?! His beloved wife and mother to his children decided to get her freak on with some strange black cock? The burning rage he felt inside came from the hate he had for himself because he still loved so much. The worst part was knowing he would love her the rest of his life. Whether she deserved the title or not, truly, she was his "beloved".

Again, and again Dan struggled to remain focused. He did a fairly good job but missed the issue.

This was not Dan and Carrie against the problem.

It was not Dan against Carrie.

It was Dan against his perceptions of reality about himself.

What perceptions? His total contribution to the relationship between them both became grossly distorted. The moment he saw himself being bested by another man at pleasing his wife's sexual needs, he lost his mind. It was as if the angel of death, with the tip of its pointed finger, had lightly touched his heart. After that, everything Dan had ever accomplished during his marriage Carrie had zero value. And he believed in his mind, heart, and soul, that he never had never given the only woman he had ever loved any sexual pleasure during their entire marriage. His whole marriage was a lie.

If Dan could not be number one in that department, why would she ever want to be with him? What was she doing with him? Why would she settle for less than what he saw her experiencing in that hotel room that night?

Carrie was a liar! A fabricator! A deceiver of the worst order. A gold medal winner of fraud.

His best friend was a fake.

A fake who he loved and would love forever. Damn her! Forever!

Dan had an excellent poker face. He would not give himself permission to express his true feelings in public. If he had, he would have been arrested on the spot.

In his darkest moments, terrible ideas, complete with plans would come to Dan. The question driving his mind 24/7 as background noise only he could hear. "How to deal with Carrie?" A simple request that brought out the ugliest thoughts he had conjured in his entire life. He loved Carrie before, he loved Carrie now, and Dan would always love Carrie. But...

Before all this nonsense, Dan could never have imagined the vile, evil things he was capable of considering doing to Carrie to make her suffer. Dan had gone off the charts.

Now that there was some balance returning, some of his sanity returned. Back in contact with reality for the moment, those thoughts returned to remind him he could have lost control. Dan was terrified of what he could have done. To love someone so much to want to kill them. How can that be? But now what?

He briefly glanced over at Carrie to see how she was before returning his eyes to the road. Carrie sat motionless with no expression. She was leaning her head against the car window and watching the street lights pass by one by one. Returning his eyes to the road, Dan could sense she was lost and hurt without a word spoken between them. He took no pleasure now in seeing her suffering. Why did he even do this tonight? What else could he be done to make his point? Maybe tonight had made things worst...

Dan had already taken that pain trip alone and it was the worst feeling he had ever felt. He hurt so much he tried to understand the pain. Human emotions are uncontrollable spontaneous waves of feelings that temporarily override rational thought briefly in the brain. These emotions are brought on by interacting with one's environment. The is no escape from our design. Yet, rational thought can override emotional kneejerk reactions. Instead of the allowing the emotions of a situation rule the intellect, to control one's behavior, one must train their intellect to rule over their emotion. It would take Carrie a long time to digest what she saw tonight and live comfortably with it. Perhaps she never would. Dan had almost convinced himself he never would. He also understood she hadn't hit bottom yet. Carrie was seriously shell-shocked from the evening. Tomorrow would be worst. Tomorrow she would be alone with her thoughts. That's when the complex process to understand this chapter in their life would begin. Repeating over and over again in her mind a different outcome to all that had happened. A senseless exercise in futility the mind would play providing different illusions of what could never be. All those paths leading to dead ends. Hitting the dead end, the mind would repeat the complex process of understanding looking for a different outcome. Over and over again until the only question, that had to be addressed was, 'Were Dan and Carrie finished as man and wife?'.

Were they finished as man and wife? That was becoming more real for Dan. And that answer was...no point in getting into that tonight.

Dan's mind drifted to Janet. Wow. Just wow! Dan and Carrie had been two virgins who had known no others. Dan still felt intoxicated by the experience. Janet was young, very attractive, and to Dan, exotic. Janet was nothing than awesome hot. The end. Dan was keen on looking at the video Carrie made. He was pretty sure Carrie wouldn't want to watch it, but he is sure hell did. Dan was 30 and Janet was 25. He couldn't believe how nice it felt to have another woman in his arms. He never even would have had the experience with Janet if Carrie had not started tripping out on her black cock fantasy.

Dan's mind now was filled with Janet. Janet was a female human specimen of perfect proportions. She was beautiful. Perfect geometry. And with her body...her skin...the way she smelled...and her taste, Janet had saved him. She tasted so good. Dan was drunk with lust with her. And her ass was an altar of worship. The way she was grinding her ass into his tongue while praising his name for the pleasure he gave her drove Dan's oral freak to get on. He wanted to taste everything. That night Dan went from a man with deep depression and no sex for 2 weeks to feeling somewhat normal again. Everything about Janet was intoxicating to Dan. And more, Janet had saved him. Dan knew that. Soothed his mind. She had been a source of comfort. Dan drove home on auto-pilot, but his mind was filled with Janet. Nothing else existed.

"Dan, I'm talking to you!"

"Sorry Carrie, I'm just tired. My mind is drifting with all this between us. Sorry, what is it you said?"

Carrie observed his facial expressions and posture while he drove. That wife and husband connection thing. At that moment Carrie was more wife than Dan could ever have imagined. She was reading's Dan's mind. No problem. In Dan's mind? Stupid, was thinking of that whore. Carrie just knew it.

Instead of losing what little of her mind she had left from watching Dan have sex with another woman, she let out a deep breath. Without really thinking about it, she calmly opened her shoulder bag, and pulled out a large green, garbage bin sized bag, and waved it in his peripheral vision.

Dan turned and investigated her purse, "So, where's the kitchen knife?"

Carrie knew, that Dan knew, she would never have taken one of her good kitchen knives to that hotel. She wouldn't even let Dan touch her good kitchen stuff a home. And now? Carrie knew Dan was being an asshole and on purpose. That hurt.

"Danny, please stop it. You knew I didn't have one. Just take the damn bag!"

More confused than trying to be a smartass Dan simply asked, "So, what's the bag for?"

Carrie looked eye to eye briefly at Dan before he returned his to the road. Closely for the first time in the car, she turned away from the window to examined Dan with a critical eye. Her mind declared with absolute conviction, "I can't believe I fell in love and married this man. I could have done better than this."

A great desire to spit in Dan's face came to her. Right out of nowhere. Carrie was able to control that feeling but it was just under the surface waiting for her bubble to burst.

But Carrie was just as out of contact with reality as Dan.

Any fantasy men that lingered in Carrie's mind, had been washed away with the emotional backwash of losing her husband and breaking their family apart. Completely.

When someone sticks a knife in your heart, the desire for sex at any age wains.

For the 2 weeks, Carrie had lived alone for the first time with only the children. They had everything they needed but Dan spending the night in the house. They had a roof over their head, bills that were paid, and CASH!

Silly Dan had left Carrie with $10,000.00 in cash so she would have enough money for a couple of weeks. Even with all credit/debit cards left opened and all utilities paid through Dan's account, he was compelled to make sure she had cash.

The money had come from some cashed in mutual funds. Dan had to take care of his family. He really wasn't thinking at the time and had cashed out $10,000.00 worth because he needed some down time away from Carrie where he could be alone with this thoughts. He couldn't do that with Carrie in the next room. He figured, worst case scenario, his wife wouldn't need more than that for 2 weeks. And Dan trusted Carrie completely with all money matters. She was his trusted friend. She was his partner.

Dan reasoned, Carrie may be a whore now, but she has always a good mother and taken care of us. Carrie was the Queen of her castle, and as for money management? She was the best.

From the beginning, both shared decisions like every other couple on this planet. But Carrie proved she was such an excellent money manager, Dan just turned over every dollar to Carrie through joint everything. Every dollar was accounted for and everything dollar was spent carefully by Carrie. Dan's business was to earn the money. Carrie's business was to manage the money Dan earned running their household.

The fabric of Carrie's being dictated to her nothing less than the love of taking care of Dan and their children. She knew she was living the dream. In a world where working mothers often lose some of the most meaningful of life experiences a mother can have, Carrie had it all. This reasoning was simple.

"This is who I am. My husband works all day, and I get to stay home and raise my children. Talk with other mothers and have shared experiences raising our children. There are a thousand experiences I would never give up to be working for someone else. For example, holding on my children in my arms while we swing on the back porch on the Summer's afternoon. The sight of watching my husband return home from work and seeing all the children rush the door and grab on to his legs to greet him. It may sound silly, but it's such a beautiful thing to see. And I manage all of this. This is mine. Sometimes life feels so good it's scary, but when I see Dan I know I am not alone. He is not alone. We have each other's back.

No doubt, Carrie was the Queen of her house. And a Queen? A Queen is too valuable a piece to lose.

Looking over at Dan, she decided she would speak to him like one of the children.

Changing the tone of her voice she would use to explain things to the children why they must do as she says, calmly began, "When we get in the house Danny, go straight to the bedroom, take off your clothes, put them in this bag and leave it on the bathroom floor. I want you to shower and make sure you brush your teeth and rinse out your mouth before you come to bed. Ok?"

Keeping his eyes on the road while slightly shaking his head in frustration...(OMG)...where was this was coming from, "Carrie, really? By the numbers. Ok?

(1) I came home from worked and showered.

(2) What am I wearing now? These are clean clothes I put on after I showered coming home from work.

(3) We went to the hotel and I took them off hung them in the closet.

(4) After Janet left, I took a shower and put on the same clean clothes.

(5) So tell me, what's the issue? "

Carrie turned to look at Dan again closely and in her mind said, "So, this is where our children's talkback comes from. "

She had heard this kind of talkback before from her children wanting to challenge her authority. At that moment Carrie knew this nonsense didn't come from her side of the family.

Finally, Carrie had a moment of clarity. She was determined to exert some control over the present situation. For better or for worst, Dan was Carrie's other half. She loved no other and never would. Carrie was willing to do whatever it took to save her marriage. Anything at all.

But this talkback?

Carrie was getting a little more than annoyed dealing with this situation and her patience with Dan's attitude was draining. It was one thing to deal with her children, but now she was speaking with her husband and had to break it down real simple for him, "Danny, I don't want the smell of your fucking whore's excretions on you or your clothes. That's it. That's all. Non-negotiable. Is that plain enough for you????"

Queen checkmates King!

Point surrendered.

Dan turned briefly to face Carrie's determination. Returning his eyes to the road, he humbly nodding his head in agreement, "OK fine, fair enough."

Silence followed for a next few minutes were strained as they drove along the road to their destination until Dan broke it.

Believing he was being thoughtful of her feelings, "Carrie, are you sure you want me to stay the night? I would understand if you didn't."

If Dan had wanted to win the lottery saying the worst possible thing at that moment to make Carrie hurt more, he would have hit the jackpot. If watching her husband tongue that bitch's ass like he was making out with her in high school was not enough to destroy her that night, that particular comment pushed Carrie to her limits of sanity "Don't even kid about that Danny. AGHHHH! I hate you so much right now. I hate you...I hate you. "

Honestly, all in all, Carrie was holding it together quite well considering she spent the last 3 hours watching her husband slowly pleasure another woman. But it wasn't reflected in the words that came out of her mouth, "BTW, Mister "Dickhead" Wilson, in case you forgot, YOU belong to ME! Your ass is mine! You got that Danny Wilson! You are MY husband. If I ever find out or even get a hint of you near another woman...you...tonguing some other bitch's ass besides mine, you are so dead. I mean it! I'm so angry at you at this moment, I could spit in your face. When we get home, you're going upstairs to our bedroom and do what I said!"

Carrie was talking tough, sounding tough, but Dan heard her voice starting to crack. She was on the verge of going Chernobyl. The irony was not lost on him, but again tonight was no victory for him either. He loved Carrie from the bottom of his heart and he hated seeing her this way.

Attempting to lighten the mood with humor, "You know Carrie, I liked it more when you were more apologetic about everything."

"Fuck you, Danny. You can't imagine how gross it is sitting next to you at this moment."

Dan wasn't upset or angry and even smiled inside with what Carrie had said. While spacing out at the road ahead while he drove down the road, Dan's only thought was, "I love you too sweetheart".

With both hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel, staring down the road to the next light and the darkness beyond, Dan mindlessly drove on while considering Carrie's words.

Those words hurt. And feeding on that hurt Dan rebuked Carrie by allowing one of the truths in his heart he was determined to keep spill out, "Carrie, you think I'm going to be putting my mouth on that pussy of yours anytime soon? I don't even want to kiss your lips after where they've been."

Carrie's head exploded when the voice in her mind connected to voice in her throat, "You self-righteousness of this Asshole! Me?... Me?! You son-of-a-! You have the nerve to say that to me? You had your mouth on every hole of hers! And you know what? You were so into her. So...into... Her! You're such an ORAL FREAK! At first, I thought you were just putting on a show to get back at me, but then I saw your face. You really liked bitch, didn't you?"

At that moment, Dan's calmness and peace of mind came from the rational consideration of the only love left in his life to live for. His 3 small children.

Would his children hate him if he murdered their mother? What came out of his mouth at that moment, did not reflect the feelings in his heart, "Carrie, we're almost home. Let's just take it easy until the weekend. We've got to tone down this situation before we walk in the house. And I'll put my clothes in the bag before taking a shower. Ok? Are we good now?"

"And don't come to bed without wearing something. I don't want your naked body parts rubbing up against mine tonight. Got it?!"

Big deal. Dan had not touched Carrie in 2 weeks. His choice. Now the ball was in Carrie's court, she returned the favor.

After seeing Dan and Janet together tonight, Carrie believed she had no desire to touch him. That woman had soiled her husband with her body.

Pulling up into their driveway, Dan let out a deep breath as he saw Carrie's mother car parked out front. Now what? Deciding to leave the car running, "Carrie, what's your mom doing here? I thought you hired a babysitter."

"I did, but when I spoke to Mom earlier, I mentioned we were going out. Mom said she may drop by and check on the sitter. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know she would wait for us to return. I don't want to see her either."

"Well, this is terrific. Simply... fucking... terrific." Then a terrible thought came to Dan and he shut his eyes," Did you tell your Mother about any of this Carrie?"

Carrie had to pause a moment. She was stunned he would ask such a stupid question, "Danny! Why would you say that?! No, of course not! I am so ashamed of myself. This is only between you and me. If my parents ever found out, I would never be able to look them in the face again!"

At that Carrie, turned her head to look out the passenger window. Her mother had the living room curtain drawn open a bit to see who was on the drive. Carrie briefly waved before her mother dropped the curtain close.

Carrie turned to Dan instinctively and another reality set in. She felt her world falling apart. She looked so lost and hurt. It was like a slap in the face to Dan to take immediate action. Now sure what to do,

Dan innocently reached out to touched Carrie to gently reassure her. With no physical contact for 2 weeks from her husband, Carrie quickly turned, threw herself and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, buried herself in his shoulders, and let a stream of uninhibited emotions express themselves, "Danny, you belong to me. I'm sorry. You're my husband, don't you understand that? Don't you love me anymore? You made love to her! I love you!" Carrie was in the process of melting down and continued. Some of what she said made sense and some didn't. As he held her tenderly in his arms listening to her, Dan was struggling not to cry himself. Dan was just trying to survive the night until he was in bed. Damn it, this was going to be a grind, "Come on Carrie, let's go in together like normal married couples do. Open your door and let's go."