Finding the Perfect Fit Pt. 14

November just ended and the shit has hit the fan and clogged it. Just, so much shit. Work has gone insane, with no call, no shows happening at least once a day, other college workers flaking out and me, for some fucking reason, still showing up to stock the bare shelves in the cooler. Cause I'm always there on time, my boss has been begging me to work every night and has called me during class, asking me to come in on a register.

And that isn't even touching on fucking finals! Holy monkey shit, this makes senior year look like kindergarten! Classes are this weird mix of deathly silence as everyone tries to pay all the attention during lectures and manic panic during any free time. Even those who have been through this before are freaking out and the cold seems to have weight, crushing the campus and making everything worse. It's only the fucking first of this nightmare month and I have no idea how anyone is going to survive. I think I've got a good shot of passing, thanks to all the homework and studying I got done over Thanksgiving break. Yeah, all the sex was nice but now I almost wish I'd spend more time hitting the books.

Ehhh, on second thought, nope. I'll take those memories of Jamie fucking and having the time of his life with me forever. Assuming I make it, that is.

I don't know how it's possible for hours to burn by yet each day lasts forever. Each night when I fall into bed, I crash instantly and wake up by saying 'no' to my alarm. I've been pounding back Monsters and any other energy drink that promises to kill me young, those and my own stubbornness allowing me to climb out from under my blankets and face each hellish day.

Work continues to promise giving everyone employed there a heart attack by Christmas. I'm usually holed up in the cooler desperately trying to stock all the holes and hoping I don't get called up to run a register. I'm beginning to fucking hate the public even more. Dad can do it, not a problem, and Mom does alright when discussing business and I didn't inherit any of that! Then there's the lie that another store is going to be lending us employees but there's no fucking way. Each gas station I pass when driving to and from work is always packed, with the same signs out front promising cheap cigarettes at absurd prices. There's no one to spare. Short of the National Guard coming in to bail us out, back up isn't coming and we're all fucked.

Oh, and people have started wearing Santa hats and I can't help but feel they're mocking me, a constant reminder of impending finals, like a sign of the Apocalypse. I never thought I could hate what used to be so cheerful but here I am. Bah humbug.

At school, more and more people are looking like the strung out drug addicts I sometimes see at work. Most of the vending machines are sold out, the coffee shop packed during operating hours as booze seems to have been swapped for caffeine and sugar for the drinks of choice. Though I bet this weekend will be filled with drunken studying, Donna included.

After work, I call Jamie and we share our woes with each other. We're too fried to do much of anything but complain and make bad jokes at each others expense. Still, we found a few hours free at the same time and made plans to meet up at a pizza place and at least have that time together. I have no energy or interest in sex right now, that's what this month has done to me! I say that without having Jamie within arm's reach so I'll have to see during our study date if I can get it up. Not really cause the dildo is always erect and...

I'm fucking arguing with myself in text. I need sleep, not this.

We wished each other well and I tripped over my words, nearly saying that I loved him. It was the truth but not to be said over the phone for the first time. Fuck, I'm tired.

I'm beginning to hate weekends and as a college student, that's profoundly fucked up. I pulled a ten hour shift today and still was asked to clean the bathrooms before I left cause, somehow, people can't aim when they shit. How is that possible! And that promised help hasn't shown yet and probably never will. It's just a constant state of panic, running around putting out fires and hoping the place actually burns down.

Sitting here, word-vomiting this shit out of my head out of habit, I don't know how I made it through today. I got asked to work every night this week and whatever expression crossed my face made my boss change his mind. My head's barely above water in classes and I've had to remind myself to eat instead of relying on liquid caffeine.

At least the date with Jamie at the pizza place was a bright spot, eating and trying to help each other before work pulled us apart. Jamie looks like he might have shell shock and has replaced combing his hair with pulling it back into a tail, which, yeah, having done that myself I didn't call him out on it. Seeing him was a comfort and once we ate, he leaned his head on my shoulder and I wanted to lay down in the booth with him in my arms and fall asleep right there. But no, I had to leave and he started packing his computer away.

"We'll get through this shit, I swear it." Rubbing my eyes, I wondered what a stroke felt like and if it would get me out of work. Probably not. "Ya want a ride, right? Call me if ya need anything. I love you." I felt Jamie staring at me and I replayed what had come out of my mouth, isolating three key words. Turning my head so slowly the tendons creaked, I saw Jamie with some unnamed feeling fighting to be free.

"I love you too Gen." He leaned in for a kiss and it tasted like pizza but it was the best thing to happen all week. "Nice Freudian Slip."

"I mean it." I honked one of his boobs and he flinched, color pouring into his face. He returned the favor, making me jump and him break out into giggles. "I see how it is! I say I love ya once and right for the boob!"

"You did it first!" Jamie's shrill reply rendered me speechless as I laughing too hard. We started getting weird stares but I didn't care. I needed this: Laughter, love, life. With a deep, too long kiss, I took my leave and did my ten hours at the gas station only to come home to Donna sobbing, face buried in her hands, sitting before the glowing screen of her laptop as if it was some god she had personally failed.

This wasn't my problem, I definitely wasn't in the mood for any of this but... That someone as seemingly strong as Donna had broken down brought back a nasty memory of the day after Cass and I's relationship had been found out in high school. After a long day of being trapped with everyone talking behind our backs, if they weren't outright mocking us, the bell finally rang to set us free. We'd held hands out to the parking lot and found my car, with 'lesbo slut' smeared on the windshield and one of the tires slashed.

The look of utter offense on Cass's face was so unlike her as our hands parted for the last time as I went to examine the damage. Cass just stood there silently starting to cry as I changed the ruined tire, ranting and raving as the parking lot emptied around us. My first relationship died right there, with me fighting lug bolts and wiping those loathsome words off my windshield. By the time I was done and my car safe to drive, Cass was gone and I was left to make the trip home by myself, boiling in fury at how unfair life could be.

Leaving that memory behind, I put my bag of energy drinks down on the counter, went to the bathroom for a roll of toilet paper and sat down beside her. Christ, I was tired and my back was pissed. Setting my peace offering down before her, I leaned back and shrugged out of my coat as Donna got herself under control.

"Ya okay?" She blew her nose right when I asked, making it sound like that was her answer and it gave me a meager smile.

"I was fine Monday. I had it under control then yesterday and today I just, I couldn't. I can't." The raw pleading in her voice hurt to hear, red eyes turning to look at me and even though I really didn't like Donna, I felt for her.

"Yeah, I know how it is." I put a hand on her back and felt the shuddering breath she drew. "It's easy to fall into that hole."

"Fucking bottomless pit." Her words weren't wrong, that yawning abyss waiting to swallow up all on campus who fucked up this month. I rubbed her slightly bony back before sitting up and sighing at seeing the time.

"Jamie and I are gonna meet up in a few days to eat and study. Ya want in?" I offered, not knowing if Jamie would care but Donna didn't need to be trapped in here, alone.

"Sure, I guess." Wiping her eyes, Donna flopped back and took a stronger breath. "Can I steal a Monster?"

"Get whatcha need to succeed. Hang in there, okay? If I can get away from work I'll try to help ya." I lied but what else was I suppose to say? Life was already fucked without Donna's problems being piled atop mine but this wasn't going to be the straw that broke my back.

"Gen?" That voice, meek like Jamie was when asking for something new, was so unlike her I thought someone else was in the room with us. Turning around, I saw it was just Donna, looking at me for guidance and that inspired a burst of genuine terror. "Would it be wrong to cheat?" I barked out laughter, Donna recoiling as if I'd slapped her.

"Ya fuckin' paid to be here and failing would be a waste of money. And that's a lot of money to waste." I said without thinking and the relief that came over her would have been funny in a less dire time and situation. "I'mma shower. Ya good?"

"Yeah, I guess so." A sly grin crossed her face, one that said of course she was going to do what it took to pass and I gave her a thumbs up. When showering, I wondered if I should have felt bad for telling Donna to cheat but couldn't find any sympathy for the college, either from fatigue or knowing they had a pieces of paper worth thousands of dollars that didn't guarantee a job or shit, really.

There, that was my day. Fuckin' great time, 10/10 I hated it and tomorrow is probably going to be worse. I feel like one of those private eyes in a film noire, tired to the bone and tossing back a drink before going back into the fray. Come tomorrow morning, I've got a drink that's gonna be going bottoms up.

So Jamie, Tom, Donna and I all went to a nearly empty IHOP at nine at night, cramming into a curved corner booth and putting in our orders before pulling out our school shit and beginning a frantic study session.

"Jamie, I'm not gonna make it man!" Tom complained, edging closer to the sort of despair that had reduced Donna to tears by the sound of it. I guess the sports scholarships were feeling the pressure even harder than the rest of us, if possible. "I've still got fuckin' nothing!" Dropping his elbows on the table, making our glasses jump, his hands curled into fists and trembled, summing up the whole college experience.

"I told you I need something to work with. I can't just make shit up about your life!" Jamie said, exasperated, looking across the table at a despondent Tom.

"What's the issue?" Donna asked, having been in a better mood since breaking down that night and asking about the ethics of cheating to pass. She was happier, meaning I was happier and the college still had our money so they were happy. The fuckers.

"It's for English. We're supposed to write a story from our lives and Tom can't come up with anything." I pausing in reading over Science notes before rolling my eyes. The amount of extra writing I've done this semester could have been a short novel. Now, I'm not sure I could actually turn in something soaked in this much sex but writing something that happened to me? Easy.

"I've got writer's block and I'm not even a writer!" That might be the biggest 'no shit' statement of this generation. Bringing a fist down, Tom sighed and shook his head, leaning back in the booth. "Fuck it, I'll just bank on the final to pass."

"Seriously, you can't come up with anything? No football stories, basketball, nothing at all?" I asked, not believing him. Tom was well built and probably had girls with more boobs then brains chasing after him for years. There had to be something funny or stupid enough to write down for at least a C.

"I dunno! I keep coming up blank!" Groaning, Tom decended into thought and under that slightly heavy brow his eyes darted back and forth, as if he was in the middle of REM sleep and not at a restaurant having a conversation. "I just keep going back to that race with Misty but I can't write about that!"

"Misty? Like from Pokemon?" Donna sneered but I overrode her.

"Is it a good story?" I asked, opening a new Word document. Okay, I'm going to try and describe this the best I can. More for myself than any other reason. All this writing, I'd gotten used to it, fell into the habit. Finding new ways to describe Jamie and how we fit together was enthralling. And with December sucking all our time away, writing for fun had mostly stopped.

And now I was hungry for it. More, I wanted a challenge. It's like... Some eye had opened in my thoughts that translated the everyday world into words that flowed out of my fingers. I know that sounds insane but it's the best way I can describe it and that eye, worn out and heavy lidded from stress, was wide open now. It wanted to be used, to be pushed and even Tom and his woes would do.

"I guess? It only happened that once and Misty was the whole package. Graduated top of the class, scholarships outta the ass, is gonna end up graduating from an Ivy league school. She's goin' places and I knew it even back then. Most of us did." Tom grinned, falling into the past and I watched him, not caring about his strong jawline or blue eyes but the memory that made him so happy.

"What did she look like?" I asked softly, the restaurant fading out, finger poised over the keys, ready to go.

"She was pretty and smart, ya knew it by looking at her. Uh, short blonde hair. Played volleyball, basketball, ran in track, skinny, no... Fit. And tall, with long legs, toned ass, nice figure. Wasn't much in the way of boobs but enough, ya know?" I murmured that I did, writing, not thinking about what was coming out but knowing if it was right or not. That eye stared at Tom the whole time, taking in what he said and running it through my brain, spitting out words of my own choosing.

"Well, we were getting ready to run for Track practice, going around the town and it was hot as Hell that day." Tom was gone, now dwelling in the past and it wasn't him that mattered anymore but his story. "Misty had taken off her shirt and was only in a sports bra and fuck man, she was in good shape." I could see it, borrowing some from Cass and filling in the blanks myself.

"She caught me looking and said 'Enjoying the view?' I said 'Of course' and took off my shirt, asking her the same thing." He grinned while saying that, pleased with his wit even now. "Coach yelled at us to get going, that it was supposed to storm and he didn't want any of us to get struck by lightning. And Misty, she looks at me and says; 'Think you can keep up Mr. Abs?' And I told her 'Why would I? The best view is behind you.' And she gives me this smile, the kind that makes you think oh shit I shoulda kept my mouth shut and before we start running she tells me: 'It'll be worth it.'"

"Now, we were running a few miles but Misty fuckin' takes off like a shot and I haul ass after her." He holds up on hand vertically and skids his other across his palm, a clap ringing out. "Everyone else, they've got no idea and are going on as normal but Misty musta ate her Wheaties that morning cause she was gone." I kept typing, seeing this scene, seeing Misty, this girl I'd never met before, a stub of a ponytail bouncing as she put her head down and sprinted ahead of Tom.

"Three blocks in she slows up and looks back. I do too and it's just us, everyone else in the dust. And she picks up speed again!" Awe came and went, Tom taking a quick drink of water. "I'm right on her ass but not even lookin', I can't. She was fuckin' fast man but I wasn't goin' to let her win, ya know? I had to try!"

"We take a corner and there's a breeze, thank God. People were watching us run but that didn't matter, only that the breeze felt like Heaven and we were running into it. And that Misty was still in the lead." Keys thunder as he speaks, typos getting left behind as the eye stares and the words flow.

"Someone yells but I can't hear shit. I don't even have any music playing, I just want to catch her. That's it, all I want in the world, is to see Misty's face as I take the lead." It was the pure childhood glee of tag, fueled by testosterone. "We take another corner and this, this fucking wall of wind nearly knocks both of us over. The sky's dark and it isn't hot anymore but she's still running and I am too."

"We keep going and I hit a cold spot, like it dropped twenty degrees and my nipples were hard enough to cut glass. I see a flash of lightning in the clouds and I had this urge to laugh, fucking daring it to hit me. I was running with Misty, hottest girl in school and no one else could keep up, it was just us and this storm and we'd outrun that too. I was flyin' and she was too, fighting the wind but it couldn't stop us. I wanted to laugh, I felt alive and I was still losing but that didn't matter anymore. I'd kept up and it was worth it!" His voice had been picking up volume but it dropped now, almost to a whisper. I saw motion out of the corner of an eye but ignored it, continuing onward as these two had done in the past.

"I dunno how much longer I couldda went but I got smacked in the eye with a raindrop, a perfect fucking shot. Then I heard it and Misty did too: Rain comes pouring down in front of us and she runs off the sidewalk into a driveway under a carport and I followed her. That feeling, that I could chase her forever, was gone and I was cold, tired and wished I had my shirt. And I'd lost." Yet he still had a smile on his face and I typed on.

"We caught our breath and Misty starts laughing and I tell her that, yeah, she'd won."

"'But you kept up.' And the way she said that, man..." Tom sits there quiet for a moment and I suddenly wonder if he is recounting a fond memory or a love lost. "The rain hits where we are and it's so loud I can't hear shit, barely see the road and Misty steps in front of me, close enough I can feel the heat still coming off her. Couldn't talk, it was too loud but she didn't say anything. And we..." Tom colored, catching me off guard as he struggled with his words.

"I had a girlfriend, she had a boyfriend but that didn't matter, not after what we'd just been through. I can't, don't know why but Misty kissed me and we made out there, in some random person's driveway as the rain came down. And we stayed there until it let up and ran back to school, soaked and freezing. That was Junior year and we never brought it up. I don't think she told anyone and none of the guys wouldda believed me. Fuck, I barely believed it myself!" And Tom went quiet, mulling over his memory as I pounded out details that surely had to be there, filling in the blanks that were lost to time or his inability to tell the story right but that was fine, he had given me enough.

Silence aside from my frantic typing, seeing the dark sky and curtain of rain hiding away two temporary lovers, if only for a few minutes. Tom hadn't been sure it was a good story but I was, getting it down on digital paper so that it might survive through the ages. Or long enough for him to get a grade for it but the act of translating his words into something my own, turning Tom's story into Tom's Story as told by Gen, satisfied that eye that had watched so intently in a way nothing else could.