Finally

A short flash story as told to me by a former supervisor I ran into. Dave T was able to transform my scribblings of the conversation into a readable text. All and any errors are mine

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The sun was just breaking as I pulled up to my house. The place had been a classic "fixer upper" when I bought it decades ago. A lot of sweat equity and real hard cash had gone into the way the house looked today. The maintenance upkeep had been a real financial millstone around my neck for well over a decade.

But today was the day I get paid! All the planets had aligned for this moment. The economy had come back in this area, its schools were 'A' rated, and houses were selling at asking prices.

Getting the gear from my car, I laid most of the stuff on the sidewalk, then walked across the green lawn fresh with dew.

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I had only been hammering for a few minutes when the lady of the house came out of the door. Even clad in a housecoat, with no make-up and 'bed hair', this middle aged female still looked good, and you could tell she had been quite the looker in her younger time.

She peered at me, squinting to compensate for her missing glasses, which for vanity reason, I knew she rarely wore unless absolutely necessary.

"Eric, is that you?" She said pulling the housecoat tighter across her midsection, stepping off the porch I had built by hand. "What the hell are you doing here at my house? And why are you pounding away on that pole?"

I did not look at her. "Well Dawn, if anyone should know all about pounding away on poles, it would be you." Glancing over my shoulder I saw her face turn red. "Besides it is my house, and today is the big day."

Dawn got that look in her eye. "Well, we will see what my attorney and Judge Reynolds has to say about that."

I shook the pole, making sure it was secure before answering Dawn. "Apparently you have not been keeping up on current events, as well as your correspondence."

Gathering up my tools I walked back to the car and picked a thick folder off the front seat. "Judge Reynolds was made to retire from the family court bench two months ago. May him, and his senile old brain rot in hell. Also your attorney seems to have his hands full these days trying to keep his license. The State Bar is investigating allegations your Esquire was taking sexual favor in return for legal work."

Dawn pulled her housecoat tighter as I approached. "But you would not have any knowledge about that kind of commerce in trade, would you Dawn?"

I slapped the folder into Dawns hand. "The new family court judge, Judge Atkins sends her regards, and here is a copy of her judgements sent out last month. The papers say where you gotta go, which is 'Out'. Plus when you gotta go, which is 'Now'. See there, you are all caught up!"

Dawn began rifling through the paperwork as I hung the FOR SALE sign on the pole.

"Eric, you cannot do this is! It is not...fair."

After making sure the FOR SALE sign was level I turned toward Dawn. "Fair? You mean like a decade ago when you fucked around on me? Or fair when you convinced that senile old bat Judge Reynolds you should get to stay in the house with me paying for all its taxes, mortgage and upkeep? Or how about the alimony and paying for all your 'schooling'? Was that fair?"

Dawn shook the papers at me. "Well it was only right. We got married before I finished my studies. I need a degree to compete in the workplace."

I rolled my eyes. "What degree would that be Dawn? Going back to fair, was it 'fair' for your slimebucket shyster to convince Judge Reynolds I should keep paying for your 'education' until you got a degree?"

"I am only a few credits away." Dawn said defensively.

I let out a belly laugh. "Degree in what? For the past ten years you have changed you major from Nursing to Anthropology, to Psychology, to Education, to Art History, to Theate, to whatever you have now. Did I miss any?"

"I am majoring in Medieval Poetry now." Dawn spat out. "And for your information, I also was enrolled in Health Fitness, Interior Design, Political Science and Dance."

Dawn shook the papers at me again. "Because, unlike you, I want a career, not just any job."

"Wonderful" I commented dryly. "We both know you are never going to get a degree. That would mean entering the real world and an end to the magic moneygram checks that appears in your mailbox each month."

"It's not just for me!" Dawn spat. "You forgetting little EJ."

"How could I forget 'my son, little EJ'." I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster. "Although I do admit a grudging respect for how your shyster was able to get that old fool Judge Reynolds to block DNA testing for so long. And when the State court did overrule that tottering old dolt, he still made me cough up payment as I had been 'acting as father', and should continue to do so.'".

Just then a disheveled youth clad only in boxers and a blanket around his shoulders opened the door.

"Who the fuck is making so much noise? I just got in and am trying to sleep. Don't you assholes know I had a rough night?" He rubbed his eyes. "I got like the worst fucking hangover."

The young man began scrutinizing me with bloodshot eyes.

"Happy Birthday EJ!" I said with a big phony smile on my face and opening my arms wide.

EJs demeanor turned even more sour. "Mom, what is that asshole doing here?" He turned his attention back to me. "Get the fuck out of here, we don't need you. If we want something from you we'll send you a bill."

Dropping my arms and displaying an exaggerated dismayed expression, I pointed at the driveway. "Now 'son' is that anyway to talk to your dear old Dad? Especially when I come bearing gifts?"

EJ looked at the faded late model Toyota Camry in the driveway. "What the fuck is that piece of shit! Where is my Mustang!"

"EJ, that automobile was not your Mustang. It was my Mustang, I paid the bank note, insurance, registration and rosa-blanca.ru. Today you are 21, so no need for any Daddy help anymore. Besides I could barely afford the payments and insurance on that Mustang. A young driver like yourself, with your driving record would not stand a chance. The insurance alone was more than the car payments. I traded in your Pony Rocket for that Camry there. It's a solid dependable car, all paid for, and I even prepaid your insurance for 3 months."

EJ was shaking he was so enraged. "I WILL NOT BE SEEN DRIVING AROUND CAMPUS IN THAT CRAPMOBILE!"

I considered EJ statement for a moment. "You know son? You are correct. I have overstepped my boundaries in dictating what you should drive. Today the courts say you are a grown man able and responsible for your own decisions, free from the bonds or restraints of childhood." I tossed EJ the keys. "You are 100% welcome and allowed, even encouraged to purchase and drive any motor vehicle you can afford."

EJ looked at the keys in his hand for a few seconds. "FUCK YOU OLD MAN!" he yelled and then threw the car keys off into the distance. "You know I can't pay for anything. I'm a fucking student, you asshole."

I nodded my head. "That is true, a student with a straight C- average. Of course I am sure smoking pot daily since you were 13 has nothing to do with your grades."

"So? Mom smokes too." EJ looked at his mother for help. When none came he muttered. "I got ADD ya know. Remembering things come tough for me."

"Really" I questioned. "On last summer's semester in Amsterdam, the one your mom's lawyer convinced the court I had to pay for, I see you were absent from most of the classes. However the bar and coffee house bills displayed an astonishing ability to recall drinking and smoking establishments."

"I got ADD" EJ repeated defensively. "Even the Doc in court said so."

Nodding my head again I replied. "Well, you may not want to put too much stock in that Doctors diagnoses. Seems he also is fighting to continue practicing in this state after sleeping with his patients."

I looked at Dawn. "Say Dawn, didn't that same Doc have you under his care?"

She turned away before answering. "Eric, that is your take on it, EJ's condition is not up for an opinion"

"Dawn, ignorance is not an opinion."

She clenched her fists, but EJ didn't notice. "So what, 'DAD', I am still a student."

I ignored EJs emphasis on Dad, before addressing him. "Past tense EJ. You WERE a student. Unless the Tuition Fairy wrote your private college a check, you are no longer a student. At best you are a dropout, or a new member of the workforce seeking employment."

EJ stared daggers at me. "And what you suggest I do, you asshole?"

"I would not leave my 'son'..." I looked at Dawn, who turned away. "..penniless. My employer has an opening on the loading dock. It is the nightshift weekends, 5 days a week 10 hours a night with overtime and benefits, even tuition reimbursement if you wish to take classes. But as low man you get the hardest jobs until you work your way up."

"Fuck that shit!" EJ growled. "I ain't giving up my weekends to work like some illegal wetback."

I just shrugged. "It is honest labor, our current CEO started out there. But you are the adult now, you can do what you want. Hell, if they will take you, join the circus or a carnival."

Dawn was looking around and came to life. "Where is my car?"

EJ gave her a blank look. "I don't know"

I clapped my hands together. "I can answer that one Dawn. Your shyster was very specific about the support you get. As an example, car payments, insurance, living in the house for free.."

"It was not for free." Dawn interrupted. "We were maintaining the house. The Judge said it should be that way for EJ."

I held up my hand. "And you think that was best? Just because you can drive a car with your feet, does not mean it is the best way to drive."

Dawn was still looking around for her car as she spoke. "That is your outlook. The court declared it a fair trade, you pay for all the expenses, and in return you get house with no attachments when EJ turn 21, and oh..."

You could almost see the lightbulb go off in Dawns head.

"Yes Dawn, that decree was over a decade ago. And today is little EJs 21st birthday. So hear that sound?" I cupped my hand around my ear while pulling an imaginary cable with my other hand. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!"

"What are you doing? Are you retarded?" Dawn spat at me.

I clapped my hands together again. "Sorry, my train whistle imitation is poor. But that is the sound of the gravy train backing up out of the station. The money ride is OVER. No more alimony, tuition, free room and board, child support, all GONE. Your baby boy is all grown up, time for both of you to leave the nest and go out into the real world."

Dawn pointed her finger at me. "EJ is right, you are an asshole. What did you do with my car!"

"Just dropped the car insurance I was paying for on your Lexus. Did you know in this state if you do not have automobile insurance you cannot have a license plate tag. And also did you know in this city, if you do not have a license plate tag, the car is considered an abandoned vehicle? I must commend the city hall on their choice of towing firms. They were here less than 20 minutes after the officer removed your rosa-blanca.ru. I mean what service! The towing company came in the middle of the night no less!"

"You..it..they..can't do that!" Dawn stuttered.

I shrugged. "You were given 30 day's notice by mail."

"I send that kind of stuff to the attorney" Dawn protested. "It's not my fault!"

"Of course Dawn, nothing is ever your fault. But you are free to make that statement in court. Although you may be getting a bit long in the tooth for the clingy low cut apparel needed to have your moneymakers achieve the effect they once did."

Dawn gave me the finger, just as a large moving van pulled up. A metro police car was right behind the van.

EJ looked panicky "What are the cops doing here? " He hissed under his breath.

I stifled a laugh. "Don't worry Pablo Escobar, your dope is safe. The officer is here to oversee the eviction notice."

Dawn snapped her fingers. "Wait! I remember from when I was majoring in pre-Law. You cannot evict us onto the street without an alternate accommodation for domicile and chattel." She had the biggest smirk on her face. "So Eric, we are not going anywhere!"

Now it was my turn to smirk. "Wow Dawn. It is good to see my decade plus years of college tuition money was not wasted." I handed her another envelope. "Do you think I would let my lovely ex-bride and her child be homeless?"

I motioned EJ to come forward. "In there you will find a 30 days prepaid receipt for a motel room, plus voucher for meals at their restaurant. Although in truth it is more like a glorified coffee shop."

EJ was looking over his mother shoulder at the Motel brochure. "NO Fucking way!" he exclaimed. "That is where all the crack whores, druggies and losers hang out."

"And how do you know all druggies hang out there EJ?" I asked.

When EJ did not answer, I addressed Dawn pointing at the brochure. "See Dawn, whores and losers. You will be in good company. Making friends in no time!"

I looked into the distance. I turned back to Dawn. "In hindsight your son throwing away the car keys may have been a mistake. The spares were on that keychain also. It is a long walk to the motel."

Dawn pushed EJ in the direction of the missing keys. "EJ go find those damn things."

EJ whined, but ambled off. Dawn turned to me. "Eric, is this all necessary? "

She stepped close to me and trailed a finger from my chest to my belt buckle. "We were good when we were together. You know I am sorry for my..ah..mistake.."

"Mistakes Dawn, plural, mistakes. And they were not mistakes."

"Fine, but they were mistakes. You must believe me."

"Dawn, I believe every other word out of your mouth, assuming of course you throw in the commas."

She dropped her hand lower. The moving guys were giving me thumbs up as they raced toward the steps of the house. I had given them their directions yesterday. Fortunately the cop was staying in his car.

"Just a little more time Eric." Dawn said while running her fingers across my groin. "You must have some money now to be able to pull all this off."

"No Dawn I do not have any more money than I did before. I took out a big loan for this day." I answered, not moving as she gave me 'that look'.

"You see Dawn. Every raise, every promotion, any advancement I ever made, you and your legal toy dragged me into court so that prick Judge Reynolds could increase my maintenance, or fee, or some other bullshit cost. For 12 years I have had to live like an unemployed college student."

Dawn continued to try to get a rise in my Levis. "Let's not concern ourselves about that prick Judge Reynolds anymore. I am more concerned with another prick right now."

I stepped back out of Dawns grasp just as college age guy stumbled out the door onto the porch with only a towel wrapped around his waist. A smoldering joint was in one hand that he pointed at Dawn. "Hey Fawn, or Shawn or whatever. You coming back to bed? Ya know, cause a bunch of assholes are taking all the crap."

I couldn't help but smile. "The realtor is gonna show the place this evening. Wish me luck."

I waved to Dawn as I headed toward the car. "Have a nice life."