Ever Want to Get Away?

A little different, which you've come to expect from me.

Please read my profile for my stance on comments. Feel free to email suggestions or to start a conversation. Private messages work too. My favorites are the anon emails calling me a coward.

Bob Seger: "I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then."

+ + + +

Danielle and I met shortly after graduating from college. It was a whirlwind romance and six months later we married. That was thirty two years ago. Both of us turned fifty four earlier this year. We have two children, Chelsea and Christina. Both are married with husbands we like. Although we have no grandchildren yet, the rumor mill is suggesting that our daughters are seriously considering starting families.

Although I feel that Danielle is my soulmate, our sex life has always been vanilla at best. She fakes her orgasms. Several years ago she bought an oversized dildo which she uses to masturbate with when I'm on the road. I've made some noise about both of those issues, but to no avail. Since sex is just part of our relationship, I haven't made a big deal out of it. She makes sure I get my orgasm. Oral isn't really part of our foreplay. Anal, yeah right, touch there and get a night or a week without.

In college, I enjoyed plenty of oral sex as my girlfriend at the time wanted to remain a virgin until she married. She made love to my cock with her mouth. Even that wasn't enough to get us up to the alter. We split during the summer break before my senior year. Once I met Danielle, I realized that I had never really experienced love.

Zach is my name, and my life was sailing through clear waters when I encountered something I wasn't prepared to handle. Even now that it is in the past, I'm not sure I handled it correctly. Somehow I suspect that no matter how I handled it I'd always be second guessing myself.

It was six months ago when turmoil ruled my life. Let me take you back to that day.

+ + + +

I'm a corporate financial officer with a strong background in accounting. Danielle hasn't worked for a living since our first daughter was born. She is much busier than I am. How she squeezes all of her appointments into each week is in itself impressive.

Danielle has her social clubs. She belongs to a book club. She plays cards twice a month. One is a bridge club, and the other plays Pinochle. To make matters worse, she is very active in local politics. I've seen her on cable television, speaking to the city council, more times than I can count. She works out three times a week with a personal trainer, Lauren, who lives down the street from us. We met Lauren's family at one of those neighborhood garage sales.

With all of those groups and activities, I wasn't surprised when I had to park four houses away one night. Entering my home I heard the laughter and talking of a gaggle of women. It was difficult to move around. Racking my brain, I couldn't remember Danielle warning me of this party. Grin and nod I guess.

The women were treating me like I was the evening's entertainment.

'Ladies look! The stripper has arrived!'

As I'm your typical male pattern baldness poster boy, they weren't fooling me. There were whistles and chants of 'Take it off'

I waved no at them as I headed for the kitchen. That brought chants of 'cluck cluck cluck.'

"Zach, there you are. You're late tonight."

"Well, negotiations were so close that we decided to knock out the last few items. Nicely attended tonight."

"Not really. I ordered enough food for thirty and I don't think we are there yet. You better grab yourself a plate before your presence is no longer allowed. Let me rephrase that, unless you want to be their stripper entertainment."

There were enough bottles of booze on the counter to impress the local pub. I could see several odd colored mixers for those foo-foo drinks that make the alcohol go down easier than it should. A lady I hadn't met, who had already consumed a little too much, clung to my arm.

"Danielle, you'll have to properly introduce me to this hunk."

As Danielle pried her off of me, I bid my farewell "I'm out of here. When is it safe to return?"

"Midnight. Love you."

Kissing her lightly on the lips "Love you too."

+ + + +

There were still a few cars remaining when I cracked the front door open. My access to the garage was blocked by a SUV which didn't belong in the driveway. The music was still playing somewhat softly in the front room. We don't have a sophisticated sound system, we just change the channel on cable to one of the music channels.

Too many lights were on so it was easy to spot Danielle. She was slumped in her favorite chair staring at the ceiling. A lady, who had face planted into the sofa, was definitely out for the count. Another lady was curled up in my recliner. She was a whiter shade of pale. The smell of booze was still quite strong.

Danielle cocked her head towards me and slurred her speech "Hi Zach. I sink I'm dunk, dwunk, dur-unk."

"I think you are too. Fun night?"

"Yeah, maybe too much fun" was kind of what it sounded like.

I helped Danielle stagger to our bedroom and rolled her into the middle of the bed. She can sleep it off in her clothes. There was a body sprawled across the bed in one of the spare bedrooms. The other bedroom was empty.

Locating some blankets, I went around and covered up the drunks.

Finding the thirteen gallon trash sacks, under the sink, they started attracting trash. As I worked my way around the kitchen, dining room, and living room, I filled the trash sacks with paper plates, cups, and empty beer bottles. Scattered amongst the trash, were little wadded up pink sheets. The pre-printed five by seven pieces of paper had a heading:

'Bucket List - Things that I AM going to do before I die!!'

Below that were three sections: 'Things I'm going to enjoy:', 'Places I'm going to see:', and finally 'eXXXtracurricular activities:'

The one in my hand was blank, but I flattened a few of the discarded ones. I enjoyed reading them. Things like move to Hawaii, see the Pope, take a helicopter ride, and learn to ski. The places to visit were Rome, London, New York City, and a few cities whose names I didn't recognize. The XXX part was blank on one, make love under the stars in the back yard, go to a nudist resort, and go commando shopping for shoes, and the list goes on and on. All told, pretty tame.

Most made me smile. I was just about finished when I saw what might be Danielle's bucket list. Danielle is a list person. She makes lists every day, since it helps her get things done. I don't fault her for doing that, quite the contrary, I wish I was that organized. When Danielle's list is finished, she folds it in half, and then in half again before disposing it.

I saw a piece of paper between the cushions in Danielle's chair. The same chair I found her in a few minutes ago. It was twice folded. Unfolding it, I read the first section.

'Enjoy my grandchildren. Get busy Chelsea and Christina!' and 'Move to the cabin.'

The cabin is one my grandparents owned. My parents deferred taking the title to it when my grandmother died. Somehow, I inherited the cabin. Danielle and I have taken vacations there every year since we married. Chelsea and Christina have fond memories of their time spent there. Danielle seems to have some too.

Under the second section she listed 'Rome', 'the Pyramids', and 'an African Safari'

I can honestly say I've never heard her talk about any of those. Just when you think you know somebody, surprise.

My world slowed to a painful stop when I read the XXX section.

'Enjoy orgasms like I had in college'

Since I didn't meet Danielle until we were both in the work force, the insinuation was that she longed for her previous lovers. That stung, but was completely overshadowed when I continued reading. The next line, 'Two guys at same time J & T?' was crossed off. It was followed with 'Gangbang', not crossed off.

I was in a daze. Grabbing my keys, I shuffled out to my car. Their game wasn't 'tell us your fantasy', no this was 'things you are going to do.'

It's not like we have an open marriage, or had ever even talked about bringing a third person into our love life. In her mind I was a failure in the bedroom and she was going to do something about it. Had she already started doing it? I was ready to puke so I forced myself to take slow deep breaths. My skin was clammy and I started shaking.

Composing myself took about fifteen minutes, and then I drove to the office building I work at. Locking my office door, I laid down on the carpet and curled up into a ball. Draping my coat over me, I battled through the emotions. Eventually I was too tired to fight it and dozed off to sleep.

+ + + +

The hard knocks on my office door roused me from my sleep. Picking up my phone I realized it was already 8:30 Am. I groggily opened my office door. My secretary, Ruth, gave me the evil eye.

"Danielle has called all panicked looking for you. Are you physically okay?"

"Yeah, the wounds are well hidden. I think I should go to the washroom and freshen. Hopefully they aren't out of mouthwash."

"I hope you're right. You do have dragon breathe this morning Zach."

I smiled and shook my head. Ruth cares deeply for me, but not romantically. She's happily married but that doesn't stop her from being very protective. She shields me well from the office politics.

After doing my best to make myself presentable, I returned to my office. Looking at my cell phone, there were lots of missed calls, voice mails, and text messages from not only Danielle but Chelsea and Christina too.

Calling Chelsea first, I eased her concerns. Christina wasn't nearly so kind, but she was relieved that I was safe. Now I was faced with talking with Danielle. What should I say? What should I do? I decided to do a quick strike.

Danielle answered on the second ring.

"Danielle, I hear you called."

"Zach, thank goodness you're safe. When you weren't here when I woke up I got really worried. I don't remember cleaning up so you must have come home last night?"

"That I did. I put you to bed and cleaned up."

"Where did you sleep? I was up at 4 Am and I couldn't find you."

"I slept in my office. I'm supposed to be working right now. I'll call you later."

Disconnecting before she responded was a little petty on my part, but I didn't know how to handle this. My phone rang immediately, but since it was Danielle calling, I let it go to messages.

Danielle was persistent. By quitting time, I had four more voicemails. At first she was asking for an explanation for my behavior. It had progressed to angry demands that I talk with her by the last message left an hour ago.

I sent a text 'I never knew you that wanted to see Rome, the Pyramids, or do an African Safari.'

Let her put two and two together. She was good at math. My phone started buzzing a few seconds later. Danielle wanted to talk.

"Danielle"

"Zach, ignore that list. I was drunk. It was just a silly game."

"What was the name of the game? 'Who thinks they can destroy and shred your husband's heart, ego, and trust?'"

"I'm sorry Zach. I didn't mean any of it. Just ignore it. I should have skipped the stupid game. It was childish and we had too much to drink."

"Nice try Danielle. You might have been drinking, but you still remember what you wrote. I've been thinking, and I'm going to move to the cabin for a while. I put in for a sabbatical today. I need to re-evaluate my life."

"Oh gawd, what have I done? Please Zach don't do this. We can work through this. I love you and there has never been anyone else since we've been together. That's thirty plus years together Zach. This was a silly stupid game that I never should have played. Just ignore it. PLEASE?"

"I'll be by later to load up my car. See ya."

"Zach, please" as I disconnected.

+ + + +

When I arrived home to get some things, Danielle wanted to talk. She looked like she'd been crying.

"Danielle, please leave me alone. I'm in no mood to talk right now. If you can't do that then I'll come back when you're not here."

With tear stained mascara, Danielle hugged herself and watched my every move. This was very depressing. I looked back at Danielle before getting into my car. Nothing was said, but Danielle was visibly hurting. No way was she hurting more than me.

After a week in the cabin, I was no closer to knowing what I should do. Danielle was now calm and friendly when we spoke. She was acting as if we were good. Keeping me informed of her schedule for the day, and recapping what transpired the previous day, her demeanor never varied.

Ignoring the problem wasn't going to fix it. Being drunk doesn't give you free rein to rip your husband's heart apart. How is this fixable? I didn't know. When watching the nightly news, a story piqued my interest. Then the dominos started falling. It was a bit cruel, but paybacks can be a bitch.

Thanks to Danielle telling me her schedule, I returned home and gathered another car full of stuff, including my passport.

Not trusting Danielle at this point, I cancelled our joint credit card. She still had her personal one, and I had mine. We pay all of our credit cards in full every month. I reviewed our checking account then transferred enough money to cover the bills for the next three months. The money came from our brokerage account. After the transfer, I put a freeze on the brokerage account. I sent Danielle an email detailing how she was in charge of paying all the bills for the foreseeable future.

Booking my travel took about four hours. Finding inexpensive flights, and using my frequent flyer miles where I could, I had my itinerary established. Some of the countries I planned on visiting required updated vaccinations, so a quick trip to my family doctor accomplished that task. Double checking which stops required visas, I filled out the necessary forms and paid the fees.

Flights out of my home airport were too expensive, for a last minute ticket, so I started my sojourn with a two hundred mile drive to another airport. Securing my car in the ultra-long term parking lot, I arrived at my gate in plenty of time.

My first stop was London. It was on MY bucket list. I spent six days there, sending pics to Danielle and the kids. I was in the dog house for leaving Danielle behind. Dog house won't begin to describe what I'll be in when I get back.

I listened to Danielle's voicemails, and read her texts, but remained unswayed. Every time she begged me to just ignore that list, I sent a dagger back. One day I jabbed 'If J & T are fucking you in the house, just box up the rest of my stuff. I'll move it to the cabin when I get back.' Another day it was 'Are you getting those college level orgasms from J & T?' By the time I sent this one, Danielle had had enough 'Now that you've started having gangbangs, when, if ever, will it end?'

'Zach, please STOP! I love you. I am now, and have always been, a faithful wife. I have never strayed nor do I intend to. We will talk when you get back. When can I expect to see you?'

'Danielle, I'm just trying to make it easier for you to fulfill your bucket list. Every day you beg me to forget it, I'll respond with whatever thought is ripping my heart apart that day.'

'Where are you going next? I can join you there.'

'Danielle, that would defeat the purpose of this trip. I'm trying to determine if I would enjoy being single again.'

The response was a few minutes coming 'I love you Zach.'

Her voicemails stopped and her texts were only sent occasionally. My daughters informed me that Danielle was down to one or two activities a day, which was quite a reduction.

+ + + +

Finding my comfort zone on this trip took time. It was a little lonely winging it. After a few days, my flirting skills were improving. Finding a random lady to chat with, on the same guided tours, was getting easier to do.

Off to Brussels for three days, and then another six days in Paris. All of the cities I would visit were on my bucket list. As I wasn't responding, the calls and texts from Chelsea and Christina had dried up to a single text message per day. I was sending several dozen pictures every day showing the sights. I made sure that a selfie, including whichever woman was sharing my company, was included in the delivery.

From Paris it was on to Berlin where I spent several days visiting the most notorious concentration camps. From Berlin I took a train to Rome. Traveling by train was a new and very different experience.

Christina sent an update that affected me 'Dad, enough with the cold shoulder. Mom is hurting. She rarely leaves the house. I don't know what she did, but I know she loves you. Chelsea and I have spoken with her, but all she will say is that she didn't cheat but did something almost as bad. Please call her, for us? Love Christina.'

Mulling it over, I decided to call.

"Zach! Are you back?"

"No. Chelsea and Christina are concerned about you. They asked that I call you. What's going on?"

"I'm dying here without you. I know what you're doing and I understand it. I fucked up, but I haven't done any of the bad things you've accused me of doing. When are you coming home?"

"Not for a while. Christina says you aren't doing your activities anymore."

"Without you here, I don't want to do anything. Please come home."

"I will, but not yet. Take care of yourself Danielle. I still love you, but I'm not sure about us anymore."

"I love you too. Please tell me that you haven't replaced me with any of those ladies."

"I haven't. Talk to you soon."

I spent six days in Rome before heading to Kilimanjaro International Airport. After a day of sightseeing, I embarked on my eight day 'Luxury Safari' in Tanzania. It was on this safari that I came so close to breaking my wedding vows. I was smitten with a woman from England and she was trying hard to bed me. I just couldn't do it. I started masturbating twice in the morning before we set out on our next leg. That seemed to help a lot.

I still had ten more days planned, but it was now more work than fun. I wanted to go home. A quick two day visit to India, to visit the Taj Mahal, and then off to Sydney for the rest of my itinerary. Almost all of the cities I wanted to visit were crossed off of my bucket list.

The flight home was uneventful. As no one knew my schedule, no one greeted me. Since I hadn't sent pictures in two days, Danielle and the kids suspected I might be coming home. That two hundred mile drive home was a pain in the butt. My own bed, in the cabin, never felt so good. Almost fourteen hours later, I took one of the best showers I'd enjoyed in nearly two months.

+ + + +

I created my own little pink 'Bucket List - Things that I AM going to do before I die!!'

'Things I'm going to enjoy: Enjoy my grandchildren. Get busy Chelsea and Christina!' Next was 'Move to the cabin.'

I put a big red check mark next to the cabin.

'Places I'm going to see: London, Brussels, Paris, WWII concentration camps, Rome, African Safari, the Taj Mahal, and Sydney'

All had big red check marks next to them.

'eXXXtracurricular activities: 'Get killer blowjobs, just like back in college.' The second line was 'enjoy the feeling of a tight pussy: I or Y!!'

Neither line had a red check mark. I had no one in mind with a first name starting with either I or Y. I just wanted Danielle to experience what I'd gone through.

There was no way that I was prepared to speak face to face with Danielle yet. I entered the house and checked the garage. Danielle's car was there. I heard noises in the laundry room, so I left my bucket list on the kitchen table and fled the scene.

My kids each wanted to spend some time with me. My travels had more than lit a fire, in both families, to see the world. Do I wish I had done it with someone I loved? You bet. Was I sorry that I left Danielle out of it? Not a chance.