Dream Job Ch. 02

A month after the move to Sacramento, Bailey was stepping out of the shower when she saw her reflection in the mirror and it disturbed her. Her once lithe, hard body was out of shape and she wanted her figure to look stunning for Jay.

I need to get back in the gym, she said to herself. Every morning, Monday to Friday, she dropped Christopher off with her parents and spent an hour exercising before work. She hit the treadmill and weight machines with a vengeance. But, her progress was slow, a result of the pregnancy.

Bailey's relationship with Jay hadn't improved but counseling was still a big part of their lives. She resolved to find a way to make her marriage work but it was much more difficult than she realized. However, it was a small miracle that Jay was still with her and she refused to give up hope.

Jay was living under the same roof but in a separate room. He could be moody and withdrawn for long periods of time. Daria, the new therapist in Sacramento, had recommended anti-depressants but Jay refused to take them. His bond with Bailey's son Christopher was the one bright spot in his life.

Bailey hoped for some intimacy with Jay because her physical need was growing. But she was kidding herself, if she didn't think it was going to be a long arduous process. The same problem kept popping up in therapy. His memories of her and Andre' fucking by the pool and the photos that Jordan had showed him.

With the Christmas holiday approaching, Bailey realized that it was nearly six months since her return to Sacramento. Her commitment to exercise honed her figure to a sleek, defined appearance. Sometimes, she fantasized about throwing herself on top of Jay and raping him. With her muscular body, Bailey knew she could.

Jay had lost a lot of weight and was thin, very thin. His loss of appetite was directly related to the turmoil in their lives. He hid his feelings of inadequacy and inferiority from Bailey because he was deathly afraid of intimacy with her. In his mind, he believed he could never measure up to Andre' or even begin to satisfy her sexually.

But, Jay didn't know that Bailey was innately aware of his feelings. Her love for him had grown stronger and part of that was her physical need for him. Years had passed since they shared an intimate moment and she was aching to make love to her husband.

****

On a quiet Sunday, with Christopher at his grandparents, Bailey wanted to hold and cuddle with Jay, to continue the process of healing and reconnecting. He still shied away from any advances she made toward him but she was a patient woman. She hadn't seen him since breakfast and wondered where...

Bailey walked down the hall to his bedroom and directly opposite was his bathroom. She could see the light was on and figured Jay was shaving or showering or... She didn't want to burst in on him, so she slowly turned the knob and opened the door part way...

What Bailey saw surprised her and mortified the hell out of Jay. He was seated on the toilet lid, his boxers around his ankles, wanking his johnson to an issue of Penthouse. She just stared at him and closed the door.

Bailey waited for Jay to come out. Awful pangs of remorse throbbed in her heart. This was her fault. He should be masturbating with images of her in his head not some pictures in a men's magazine. She had reduced the man she loved to a pathetic sexual state.

When it was obvious he wasn't budging, Bailey knocked softly.

"Jay...honey...come out...please." Her voice was soothing.

A minute later, the door opened and a very sheepish Jay with his head down walked into Bailey's open arms. As she held him, she felt his ribs against her and realized how painfully thin her husband had become.

They sat on the end of Jay's bed and he was literally shaking. Bailey's heart ached to see him like this and she gently rocked him.

"Don't be embarrassed, I know it's been a long time for you," Her voice was reassuring.

To have Bailey find him squeezing one out was humiliating to Jay but she was holding him tenderly and it felt comforting in her arms. When he rested his head against her shoulder, she gently stroked his face.

Bailey wanted to take him and make love to him. Slick moisture crept into her pussy and she wanted to fuck his brains out right then and there. She was keenly aware that she could give him the kind of sexual pleasure that Andre had given her.

"Can I make you something to eat? You barely ate any breakfast."

"Yeah, ok."

Jay followed her into the kitchen but his eyes followed her firm heart shaped ass as it swayed in her tight shorts. She caught him looking and wiggled it for him.

While Bailey was busy preparing an omelet, he watched her move, the way she whipped the eggs and poured them into a hot pan. God, she's so sexy he thought. Her bare mid-riff tee shirt, showing her flat tummy, brown hair plaited in a French braid, green eyes twinkling with mischief. She was turning him on. For the first time in a long time he was able to look at her as a sexual being.

Bailey was aware of the change in him. Jay wanted her, she could tell and it thrilled her. When she placed the omelet in front of him, he smiled at her.

"Thanks Bailey," he said, and the gratitude in his voice moved her.

Jay was eating heartily and it pleased her but she made a resolution to get him into the gym because he needed to build some muscle.

Seated across from , Jay covered her hand with his and tenderly squeezed while he ate. His shorts had tented and he didn't know how he was going to stand up.

Bailey cleared the empty plate.

"Can we cuddle for awhile?" She asked coyly.

Jay nodded his head but he looked very sheepish. Bailey got up and walked out of the kitchen and was in the hall when she realized Jay wasn't behind her.

"Jay? Honey? Where are you?"

Jay walked toward her with a magazine held in place over his crotch. Bailey gazed at him curiously until she realized the significance. She waited for him in her bedroom and smiled broadly when he came in the door.

Bailey lay on the bed on her side and held her arms out for him. Jay moved tentatively to join her and dropped the magazine. With his body against hers, she moved her thigh making contact with his hard on.

Bailey couldn't help herself and rubbed her thigh along his erection. She heard Jay softly moan and she had the overwhelming desire to kiss him.

But, when Bailey lowered her mouth to his, she saw it. The shadow, the ghost of Andre' passed over his eyes and he looked away. Immediately, Jay's hard on subsided and a crushing sense of futility enveloped Bailey. She started to cry and it was impossible for her to hold back the deluge of tears. God is punishing me, she thought, I can't have the man I love.

Bailey wept, her heart bereft. Never in a million years would she have thought that the cost of her sex romps with Andre' would be so high. She had foolishly pursued her sexual desires at the expense of all that she held near and dear. Her marriage was an empty shell, a marriage in name only, hanging on by a thread.

"Bailey...please don't cry...please...sweetheart...we'll work it out..."

Jay was holding Bailey, stroking her back and trying to soothe her as she bawled her head off. His eyes filled up and his heart hurt for her. He kissed her cheeks and tasted her salty tears.

"No! No! He'll always be there between us, I just know it!" she cried mournfully.

Bailey was sobbing in his arms and Jay wept too. They had lost something precious and couldn't reclaim it.

"I want you Jay...but I can't have you..." her heart was desolate.

He didn't know what to say to her. Finally all the shedding of tears ended, the emotions played out.

Bailey gazed down at Jay with a serious expression.

"I want you to think about dating." she said, her demeanor was totally sincere.

"What! Why would I do that?" he declared.

"So you can find someone, fall in love and start a family..."

"I can't do that..." his voice was clear.

"Why? Why not?" she asked

"Because Bailey...I love you," he said, his voice was tender.

Bailey stared down at him in disbelief.

"I never really stopped loving you...well...there were several times when I did but...now, this very moment, I love you..."

Bailey saw in his eyes that he was truthful. A veil lifted from her soul and she kissed him with a passion that eclipsed any kiss they ever shared.

The sensation of her body on top of his was appealing to Jay but he realized that with his weight loss, he only outweighed Bailey by a few pounds. Her hard muscular body felt very heavy and he was having a hard time catching his breath.

"Bailey...I can't...breathe..." he croaked.

"Oh! Sorry." She moved to her side.

Bailey still couldn't believe what she heard him say and hoped it wasn't just a dream and she would wake up any second.

"Would you say it again?" she asked very shyly.

"What?"

"You know..." and she nudged his side.

Jay hadn't seen Bailey this happy for ages.

"I love you Bailey." His eyes filled with tears.

In a sense, Bailey felt like they were starting all over again. She wanted him so badly it hurt and an overwhelming desire to rape her husband coursed through her body. However, she wisely declined to do so.

But, the shadow, the ghost from her past haunted Jay and the problem wasn't going to go away anytime soon. He was nursing a deep hurt that Bailey had caused but he loved her and he was clueless as to why.

****

With a toddler around, the only private time Bailey and Jay had to themselves was Sunday afternoons when Christopher was with his grandparents.

The next Sunday, Bailey had her period but she could have cared less. If Jay even hinted he wanted her, she would have screwed him no matter what.

They were holding each other and Jay was stroking Bailey's hair. Because it was a warm day, Jay was attired in a pair of boxer shorts and she saw that his arms looked like twigs that she could easily snap. His chest actually looked sunken and it alarmed her.

Jay felt inadequate beside her. Bailey looked very hot, hard bodied and sexy while his body resembled the denuded branches of a tree. She was wearing a tank top and no bra with her nipples poking the fabric. He realized how much he missed fondling them and kissing them. No wonder Andre' wanted her, he thought.

Bailey saw Jay gazing at her breasts and it excited her. But, abruptly he looked away with a hangdog expression. This time it wasn't the shadow of the past, she was sure of that.

"Jay...honey...what's wrong?"

"I...ah...you see, you have a beautiful body and me...I'm pathetic..."

"Monday morning you're going to the gym with me. I'll train you myself. In six months, you'll be a stud...no question!"

"You would do that for me?" he asked.

Bailey held him close, her heart throbbing with emotion.

"Of course my darling, I love you," she said, and hot tears invaded her eyes.

Jay's head was against her chest and he nuzzled a breast, eliciting sighs from Bailey. But, he stopped and she saw that look on his face as the ghost of Andre' loomed large between them. The very real possibility that sex with Jay might never happen, caused her heart to ache and she fought the panicky feeling.

Monday morning, Jay and Bailey with Christopher in a car seat, drove

to her parents house. Christopher wanted Jay to take him inside but Jay still found it hard to face her parents. But, he would do anything for the handsome little boy, unbuckled his car seat and picked him up.

Christopher's arms were around Jay's neck and his cheek pressed close to Jay's. The love between the two was obvious and it moved Bailey to tears. When Jay returned to the car, she was dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah...it's just...when I see you two together...I wish..."

Jay turned and looked Bailey directly in her eyes.

"I don't care that he's Andre's. I love him as if he was my own and I think he loves me. And, that's all that really matters."

The tears flowed faster and Bailey reached over and hugged her husband.

"I can't have my trainer, my drill instructor weepy when she's putting me through my paces," he whispered in her ear.

At the gym, Bailey pushed Jay to his limit. After she adjusted the curl bar to fifty pounds, she watched him eke out one rep. With ease, she did three sets and while he looked embarrassed, she made it clear it was going to take time.

At the end of ninety minutes Jay was exhausted. The last twenty minutes on the tread mill were a killer and watching Bailey effortlessly run five miles was demoralizing.

But, Jay dedicated himself to her program and he knew he was in Bailey's capable hands. She adjusted his diet to increase his caloric intake and kept the aerobic part to a minimum.

****

The private time they shared was spent cuddling and with the possible exception of kissing, they were no closer to even the remotest form of intimacy.

It was late spring and Bailey's patience was crumbling. In need of relief, she masturbated but it wasn't very satisfying when compared to the real thing. As she kissed her husband passionately, she humped his thigh and desperately wanted to fuck him. To take him to heights of pleasure he never knew possible.

Bailey had learned a lot about sex during her affair with Andre' and she wanted to share that with Jay.

"Oh Jay...oh Jay..." she was moaning his name.

Bailey's hand dropped to his crotch and felt around for his cock only to find that it was soft. Her heart plummeted in despair.

"I'm not turning you on?" she asked with a very hurt expression.

"I'm sorry." Jay had tears in his eyes. He was disappointing her yet again.

When the images of his wife and Andre' intruded, it ruined his desire. The problem was no closer to being resolved than it was six months ago. Bailey collapsed on her side away from Jay. It was hopeless.

Jay hadn't seen her naked or even topless for so long she couldn't remember the last time and it really bothered Bailey. Jay tried to hold her and she pushed him away. He tried again with the same result. When he tried a third time, she easily pushed him on his back and sat on top of him, pinning his arms to the mattress.

Jay was struggling mightily but Bailey was much stronger than him.

"Do you want to fight little man? Because I can take you, no problem." Her anger was rising.

"Please Bailey, don't be mad. I'm trying, I really am...it's just..."

Jay had such a defeated look on his face that her annoyance quickly dissipated. When Bailey lay on top of him, he put his arms around her and his hands lightly ran up and down her back. The sensation felt wonderful.

"I love you," He said.

Bailey's heart melted and she kissed him on the lips. But, she was deeply troubled by the lack of progress.

For the remainder of the week, Jay was subdued and very quiet. The only time he came alive was at the gym or with Christopher. Around the house he avoided Bailey and conversation was non existent. She had embarrassed him and it made him feel small and insignificant.

The next therapy session was on Wednesday and Jay informed Bailey that he would be a half hour late because of a staff meeting. She sat with Daria, their counselor and the tears came almost immediately. In halting sentences she described the abortive attempt at intercourse and her disappointment with herself and Jay.

"Bailey, can we have a discussion woman to woman. Forget I'm a marriage counselor till Jay arrives?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Ok, did Jay cheat on you?"

"No, of course not."

"Your husband saw you having sex with your boss and also numerous photos of you engaged in a variety sex acts. Is that correct?"

Bailey nodded her head shamefully.

"Don't you think that he's still suffering because of that? Can you imagine the shock he must have experienced seeing that it was you, his wife? " Daria asked

"But, it's been more than..." Daria cut her off.

"You amaze me Bailey. You caused the problem. You cheated on him, very flagrantly I might add and you expect him to forget all about it because it fits a time frame in your head."

Bailey's heart pounded, filled with regret.

"Jay experienced a pretty significant trauma if you ask me. I'm astonished that he's still with you. Most men would have said sayonara baby. And here's the kicker, you get pregnant, have a child, not his and he's still with you! That's truly amazing!"

Bailey hung her head in shame. Daria was right. Jay had done nothing to deserve what she did to him and beyond all expectations he was still with her.

"I just might have Jay nominated for sainthood, better yet, the minute it doesn't work out with you, I want to date him. The guys a real catch and forgive me for saying this but you don't deserve him," Daria crowed.

Daria was a very attractive thirty something brunette with a slender body, Jay's type of woman.

"I have a feeling that you acquired a good bit of knowledge about sex from Andre."

Bailey nodded.

"Don't you understand anything about men? Jay's intimidated by you, he doesn't for one minute think he can measure up, be able to give you the sexual satisfaction that Andre' did. He's has performance anxiety, big time."

Bailey was staring at Daria because she'd had her suspicions but hearing it from someone else and it all started to make sense.

"If you love Jay and you want this to work, then you have to take the lead. Take his hand and guide him to a place that will satisfy both of you. Show him what you want because I can guarantee you he's completely at a loss, and be prepared for the possibility that he may not want to go along for the ride."

They both heard the outer office door open and close.

"Follow me on this one," Daria whispered to Bailey.

Jay apologized to Daria for his tardiness and kissed Bailey on the cheek. Daria started by telling him they had discussed the continuing sexual problem.

"What do you think the problem is?" Daria asked.

"Ah...I guess..." He was hemming and hawing.

"I need you to tell me exactly how you feel," Daria assured him.

Jay was terrified by the truth but he had to express his feelings.

"I don't...believe I can give Bailey the sexual fulfillment that she had with...I know I can't...I don't have much experience. I've only been with one person...I'm afraid that...oh! I'm scared to death, ok? I'm average size with a skinny body, I'm not one tenth the man Andre' is. I can't possibly make her happy in bed. She'll just think I'm ridiculous."

The truth was out and it stung Bailey to the bottom of her heart. Jay was staring at the floor, his face distraught. Daria gazed at Bailey knowingly.

"I feel like a fool. I love her but maybe I should move on so she can find a real man." His honesty was devastating to Bailey and she was wiping a procession of tears that dripped from her eyes."

"Is that what you want Bailey?" Daria asked.

"No! Of course not!" she exclaimed. Her heart was breaking for Jay. She had forgotten how much he had to endure because of her.

"Bailey, maybe you can find someone that will give you the same kind of satisfaction that you found with...I don't think I can please you...you know...that way...I'd be a pathetic excuse for a lover..." Jay stated.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Do you think if you were able to satisfy Bailey's sexual desires that the images of her and Andre' and the photographs would bother you as much," Daria asked.

"Probably not, I mean they'll still bother me but if I can measure up in some way then...I don't think as much..."

Bailey was forlorn, she wished she'd never met Andre' and taken the supposed "dream job". Her weakness, her carnal desires had ruined her life. Now, the man she truly loved wanted to move on for her sake. She would be completely lost without him.