Diary of a Young Slut Ch. 01

September 8, 2006

Dear Diary, Donny and I have been going together since we met in the fourth grade at Revelations Evangelical Elementary School. Donny was by far the most pious and devout boy there, and since I had always thought of myself as the most pious girl, we were just naturally a "pair." Both of our parents were equally god-fearing people, so they heartily approved of our relationship.

But my Dad just got laid off last month and so, after all those years together at revelations and Three at Apostles Academy, I have to transfer to the public school for my senior year. I hope my faith and my devout promise to Donny will help me find my way in the fallen world.

September 11, 2006

Dear Diary, I'm nervous about this school, but curious, too. And curiosity is where the devil likes to play, Reverend Moore always likes to say. But I promised Donny that he would always remain my boyfriend and, needless to say, that I would always be faithful. I have always been pretty shy, and have been raised by really strict, Christian parents, so I'm pretty much afraid of everything "carnal," as my father calls it. I know being faithful won't be a problem. But public school is very different from bible school. I got stared at all day today. I afraid it's cause of the way I look!

I already get stared at so, so much anyway, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now. But I'm not. It is just so embarrassing. Sometimes, I really feel like the devil is trying to get me. Or I'm always being tested or something. Like when I was eleven and my boobs started growing so fast and everybody, but especially men, would just stare at them and say stuff. I tried so hard to make them quit growing so fast. They got to be so big and I just I hated it. I would cry and bind them up as tight as I could.

And it's just worse now! Every day, I seem to look less and less like a pure, young Christian girl and more and more like some brazen Jezebel!

I'm afraid of what people will think of me at this new school. I'll try to cover up as much as I can. Reverend says God never gives us a burden we can't carry. I hope he's right.

September 15, 2006

Dear Diary, I don't know anyone at all at this school, and naturally I was kind of nervous about what people there would think of me. Like everyone, I guess, I wouldn't mind being popular, but most of the girls who seemed to belong to the popular crowd dress just so wantonly and really show just way, way too much of their body in my opinion. I just know that Satan must be all around. This is not at all the way girls dress where I went to school with Donny.

I guess I should be happy my fear of the devil won't let me display myself like that. So even if maybe I might be tempted to dress like the other girls so I could be popular, I just know I won't.

I do know that I have a way better body than any of them, though. Way, way better!!!! The ones who have boobs as big as mine are kinda fat, if you ask me, and the ones who have nice legs and a tiny waist like me don't have a nice butt like I do or hardly any boobs at all. If I wanted to, I bet I could show them all up!!!!! I mean I won't do it, but I know I could!

I do get stared at a lot though.

September 17, 2006

It's my birthday today. I'm eighteen!!! Yay!!!

September 22, 2006

Dear Diary, This week at school, I think the devil really began to tempt me. It's just getting like harder and harder to hide the fact that I have a nice figure, no matter what I wear. The horrid thing, the really, really horrid thing, is maybe I don't even really want to hide it anymore? I'm so confused. I know it's so vain to say, but I know I'm pretty. Everybody says so. My hair is naturally blonde (maybe kinda sun-bleached?) and everyone says I have really pretty pale green eyes. Even though I'm kinda slender, I have nice long legs and a tiny waist that makes my hips look kinda shapely. I can tell guys kinda like me, I think. And really, what's so wrong with being pretty? That's what I always say. I mean God gave it to me, right? Even my body. But it's still kinda bothers me that it's my chest that always gets stared at.

I wish guys could just see me as pretty and nice and stuff like that. Why does that other kinda stuff always have to get into it? I would like to be popular, though.

September 26, 2006,

Dear Diary, Ohmygawd, yesterday, my English teacher told me like three times how pretty I am! I kinda like that, I gotta admit. He's older and that means he appreciates beauty, I just know it. Like he does in poems and stuff. I mean he was mostly looking at my boobs, too, but it was kinda different when he did it? Like when he looked I just know it was with real appreciation, not the stupid way these jerky immature high school guys look!!! He "accidentally" brushed against them with his arm when he was talking to me. Like four different times! I know he was trying to touch me there. He let his leg push up against mine, too.

I think he was trying to touch me kinda like sexually? The last time he sorta like left his arm there a long time and pushed his leg harder against mine. I know it's so wrong, but I guess I didn't mind too much. Maybe I kinda even liked it? God, I hope not. Wouldn't that be just so, so horrid? But I guess maybe I must have, since I think I kinda maybe pushed my boobs into his arm a teeny tiny little bit? I liked the way it made me feel. Kinda like grown up and stuff. At least he said I was pretty and complimented my hair and eyes. That was so nice. I really like him.

October 3, 2006

Dear Diary, I dreamed about my English teacher last night. And not a nice dream, either. He kissed me in the dream and touched me!! Like on my boobs and stuff. All this week he has been so, so nice, though. He stands so close to me when we talk. I always smile at him.

It would be kinda fun to be popular, I think. Those kids seemed to have so much fun and nobody ever teases them.

October 6, 2006

Dear Diary, I'm getting to be so, so awful. Just to be different today, I borrowed this really cute sweater from a friend of mine. Her boobs are lots smaller than mine, so the sweater was like way, way tight and I guess maybe pretty low cut, too! I mean I wasn't showing any more than what the other girls do, but it was kinda scary for me to do it.

I know this is the devil tempting me, but the trouble is, well, it works, and I got a whole lot of attention today. (Even from other teachers besides Mr. Randall, my English teacher! He really complimented me a lot today!!! He touched my boobs again, too. This time he sort of almost cupped my left breast, you know, but just for a couple of seconds. We both pretended nothing was happening. I smiled at him before I pulled away.)

I know it is just so, so wrong, but like today I just kinda forgot about my upbringing and stuff. I wish I could show more of my body, too, like all the other girls here do. I just know my figure is better. What's so wrong, anyway? I probably should pray about this.

October 10, 2006

After everybody left the classroom, Mr. Randall called for me to wait a minute and then told me I was "beautiful" and he wondered why I hide my "allure." He said I didn't need to wear a bra, too! I probably could get him in so much trouble if I told.

I love the way he talks to me, though. I love he said, "allure." I'm going to use that word tomorrow too. God, he makes me feel so grown up. I hope I dream about him tonight.

October 13, 2006

Dear Diary, I wore this little scoop neck sweater that I borrowed from that same friend (Clara) today. I didn't wear a bra! I hope Mr. Randall knew! She has great clothes, but like I said she's kinda small so I have to be careful I don't just spill right out. I am surely on the road to perdition. (I love that word, too, don't you? I learned it in bible school last summer.)

I am becoming very popular! I guess I like it. I bent over a teeny bit for Mr. Randall so he would know I did what he said. I don't know if he could tell, but he seemed really nervous.

I still call Donny every night and we still pray together, but I never tell him what I'm doing. He would be just horribly hurt. I feel so, so guilty. Do you think I'm really so, so bad? I guess I am, but I'm not hurting anybody. I guess maybe it is a sin though.

October 23, 2006

Dear Diary, Ohmygawd, this was just the best, best day ever. This really popular guy named Tony D'Angelo had been looking at me a lot last week, and someone said he even asked who I was. I knew he was looking at me that day I wore that neat scoop neck, so today I wore that same outfit, but I wore the sweater way, way low this time! And no bra! I mean like half my boobs were hanging out of it and I just didn't care!

I think it scared Mr. Randall, hee hee!! When I bent over this time, I know he could see everything!!! I made sure!!! God, I am so, so bad!!! He didn't touch me this time, though. Isn't that weird?

Anyway, I sure did get Tony's attention like I wanted. He just walked right up to me at lunch, put his hand on my shoulder, and asked me if I wanted to go to a school dance with him tomorrow!!!! Ohmygawd!!! I am just so thrilled and feel so hot and grown up right now. God, I mean he's just this totally hot guy and even though everybody says he's a "tool," everybody still wants to date him. And he asked me!!!!! How cool is that?!!!

I told him, yes, but I really don't know how I'm going to do this, since I know my parents would never allow me to date at all, and even if they would, they would never approve of a guy like Tony.

I'm also kinda scared, to be honest. I mean, I don't even know if he is a Christian. I'm also pretty sure I'm not being exactly "faithful" to Donny. But I want to go so, so bad. I wouldn't do anything bad or unchaste. He is so, so hot. Oh God, Diary, I just don't know what to do!

October 27, 2006

Dear Diary, I decided!!! I'm going out with Tony tonight!!!!!! I ended up getting this girl (Clara, again) to cover for me by having a "math study party" that I was invited to. I'll just have to pray that no one will check up on me. I just want to go out with this guy so much. He is without a doubt the most popular guy at school and now everybody knows that he asked me out, and I feel so cool. I became like instantly on the "A List" of popularity. All the cool kids came up to talk to me between classes and asked me to sit with them at lunch. It has been a really fun week. I gotta go.

October 28, 2006

(I'm not keeping a diary anymore. Now I'm going to write a journal. A diary is for children!)

This is so difficult to write. I just don't know what has happened to me, but I know I am like so much more grown up now. I never dreamed something like this could happen to me or that there are even people like this in the world. Here's what happened.

On Friday, Tony picked me up at my friend's house, but to my surprise, instead of going directly to the dance, he took me over to a "pre-dance" party at some guy's house where the parents weren't home. This wasn't at all what I expected. Guys and some girls were drinking and some were even smoking marijuana! And the girls, oh my God! They all looked like sluts, and some of the guys were like kissing them and feeling them up right in front of everyone, and some were even upstairs in the bedrooms. One girl had her blouse like totally open and she didn't have anything on underneath! I was thinking that maybe these people were too fast for me and that I should find a way to get home quickly, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to think I was this big stupid baby.

Tony went and got me a beer, but I was scared to death to even touch it, let alone drink it, since I had no idea what alcohol could do to you, and at church I always heard how it led to sin and damnation. But Tony kept insisting, so I finally took a teeny tiny sip, then just pretended to drink it. It tasted just awful, by the way. Tony, though, just soaked it up. About an hour later, I asked him when we were going to the dance, and he just laughed and said after he "fucked me"!

I was just like totally, totally shocked and wanted to get away so fast, but I didn't have any way to leave. I tried to be brave and sort of laugh. But God I was so, so scared. I had never heard anyone talk like that. He didn't say it again, however, so by the time he was ready to leave to go to the dance, I had convinced myself that he was just joking about what he wanted to do.

I actually felt pretty happy when he led me out to the car, and even when he bent over and kissed me, it didn't really bother me too much. I guess I was being a teeny bit unfaithful to Donny, but obviously, I had to expect that he'd want to kiss me. I intended it to be a very simple and pure kiss. Like saying hello or goodbye, that sort of thing.

What I didn't expect was his tongue! I was just so naïve, I can't even tell you. But I didn't want to seem like I was this total infant, so I let him do that and even tried to respond back, but I guess I tightened up a little when his hand went right under my sweater and began to caress my breasts. He stopped after a few minutes and asked me if I was "frigid"!

God, I was just like way embarrassed. I just said, "No. Why are you asking me that?"

"Because I don't get no response when I grab your tits," he said, and started the car. "I hope you're a better fuck than you seem like now."

Ohmygawd, all I could think was, "not that again." Since I really didn't know how to respond to what he had said, I just shut up and hoped that when we got to the dance, he would forget about all that business. But I also noticed that he didn't seem to be headed in the right direction, and when I saw that he was turning into the park, I really became worried.

He pulled into a secluded parking place in the park, and turned to me and said rather nonchalantly that I had gotten him hot and that he wanted me to "suck his cock" before we went to the dance. And then he began to kiss me again and push his hands up under my sweater.

I was totally frightened now and just praying for deliverance. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to get out of this, so in desperation, when he started to unhook my bra and pull my sweater off, I decided maybe it was best to just let him, hoping and praying that that would be enough. Talk about stupid! And even worse, when he started tugging at my skirt, it was too tight to get up over my hips so I helped him! What was the matter with me?!!! I even kissed him back as passionately as I could pretend. But not because I was hot or anything. Not right then, anyway. I was just hoping that maybe if I just let him touch me where he shouldn't, he would be satisfied. I prayed so hard that it would be enough to satisfy him.

I was so scared, I really was, but also (God, this is so hard to say) maybe after awhile just a teeny, tiny bit excited too? Obviously, I had never been half-naked in front of anyone before. It was a strange feeling to be sitting there with my breasts exposed and seeing the look of lust and desire on Tony's face. I mean like I said before, he was this totally popular guy that all the girls wanted, and he was all excited about me! It gave me this horrible tingling sensation deep inside my belly, and the more he looked and the more he touched the more intense it grew.

The devil always picks on the most chaste, I told myself later. That's the only way I can explain it. But the sad truth is that I think maybe I might like being looked at?

When he grabbed my naked breasts in his hands and said something about my "rack," I think like for just a second I actually was proud of my breast size. I even smiled a teeny bit when he talked about how big my boobs were, and how all the other girls were jealous of me. When he began to softly pinch my nipples and tell me how much he liked big "tits," well, I didn't say anything really, but I didn't get all mad, either. I know I didn't like his language, like saying, my boobs were "these fuckin' melons" that just looked "huge on a little slut like you," but I don't guess I said anything. And he said even worse stuff after that. I just kept stupidly smiling.

So I guess I was okay with it, though, at least a little bit, until he just leaned back and said, "After you suck my cock like we talked about, if you're good, later tonight maybe I'll give you a 'prom baby.' Nice present, eh, to have my baby inside you?" And then he just grabbed me by the hair with one hand and with the other he reached down and pulled his penis from his pants. Now I started to get so, so scared!

That was the first male sexual organ I had ever seen. It looked frightening to me, almost like a weapon. I didn't know what to do or how I could possibly get out of this. My plan had not worked, but I just could not let him put his thing in my mouth. It was just too disgusting!

October 29, 2006

I couldn't write anymore last night. Thinking about what I wrote and what happened that night still makes me feel strange.

Anyway, like I said, Tony had me by the hair, and just as he pulled my head down and my lips met the head of his rigid sex, suddenly a light shown in through the driver side window, and someone ordered us to get out of the car. It was the police! I don't know if I felt frustration or this enormous sense of relief when they ordered us out of the car. I did pray a thanksgiving to God...I think.

I know I really wasn't ready to have Tony's thing in my mouth, and I sure didn't want to get pregnant with his baby, so I was kinda relieved to be out of that situation. It wasn't until I was standing outside in the dark that I realized I was completely topless with my skirt hiked up to my waist! I quickly covered my exposed bosom with my hands, which meant I had to leave my skirt as it was, hiked up over my hips. I tried to wiggle it down, but that didn't do anything but attract the one policeman's attention.

"Let's see some ID," the first cop, a sort of burly, young-looking white guy, said, playing his flashlight up and down my body.

Tony reached for his wallet, and I told the police officer that mine was in my purse in the car, and as I turned to get it, he roughly grabbed me, pinning my hands behind my back and handcuffing them there. He said that he'd get it. The other cop, an older black man, stood there and just openly stared at my now totally exposed breasts. With my hands cuffed behind my back, I couldn't cover anything. I was like totally exposed. I started to be really scared. I hated the look in his eyes. I was scared to death and seconds away from tears.

The white cop took Tony's ID and passed me over to the black cop, who took the opportunity to nonchalantly fondle and pinch my nipples. I couldn't believe what he was doing. I was truly terrified now, but all of a sudden I felt my nipples beginning to stiffen between his fingers and heard him snicker in amusement and start moving his hands all over my breasts. My nipples just got stiffer and stiffer! What was I doing? Why was my body betraying me like this? My face just burned with embarrassment. The policeman's held both my breasts in his hands like it was just the most natural thing to do. He was breathing harder, too. He called me a hot little slut.

"Hey, you're Tony D'Angelo, right?" I heard the white cop say through this haze of fear I was in. "The defensive end over at Belmont. I used to play the same position when I was in high school. I saw you play against Ridgemont. Great game. Nice little slut you picked up, too" he smirked, nodding at me and winking at Tony. I couldn't believe he just called me a slut, too!

"Where'd you pick up this the little sex pot?" the black cop added, still fondling my breasts while holding them up for the other cop to see. "Fucking nice rack on the bitch, eh. Huge! You fuck her yet, Tony?" he laughed, now pinching my nipples with one huge hand and pulling my bottom into his pelvis with the other.