Coworker

I am fucked.

Utterly fucked.

I had another dream, well, more like a nightmare. She was in it again.

I try to bring my breathing back to normal. My mouth is dry. My hair is stuck to my forehead. I lie there and try to burn the images out of my mind, without much success. I get up from bed and head to the kitchen. The floor feels cold against my bare feet. There was no way I was going back to sleep soon. Not after that kind of dream. My shirt is also slightly damp from the sweat. Great.

Once in the kitchen I take a seat on the island table and take out my phone. I know it is stupid but I can't stop myself. It was like an addiction. Some would call it an obsession. I would rather not put labels on it. I click on the app and search her name: Emily. I look through her recent posts and click on her pictures. She is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met.

Her dirty blonde hair comes down in waves all the way to the middle of her back. It is usually styled so that it frames her delicate, heart shaped face. Her eyebrows are the same blondish color of her tresses. Her hazel eyes, that sometimes turn green depending on what she wears, are captivating. Her button nose is covered with tiny freckles that are sometimes hidden by light foundation. Her full lips always have a way of beckoning one's attention. Her killer smile usually has even the most strong-willed, kneeling at her feet. As if that wasn't bad enough she is tall and has an amazing body. She doesn't work out and rarely eats healthy.

She was just born to look good. Her thin waist with perky breast and a tight butt is every girl's idea of the perfect body. She was probably a cheerleader in high school. I wouldn't be surprised. Her skin from head to toes is smooth and free of any type of marks or blemishes. Besides the light freckles, there are no imperfections. Even though I do not consider her freckles anything but a plus.

As I scroll through her albums I notice her most recent picture has her and another attractive blonde wearing a similar black lace dress. I don't even give the other blonde a second look. The dress hugs Emily's body like a second skin. It comes up to her to her upper thighs, which brings attention to her long legs. The heels she is wearing make her breast stand out and her butt look fuller (if that is even possible). I shut my phone off and groan.

I am really fucked.

******

Going into work the next morning is a drag. I barely got any sleep the night before and today was going to be complete torture. Emily is working.

I pull into the parking lot and gather my things. I see Kathy made it to work before I did, which did not surprise me. We both were the only ones who got into work earlier than necessary. I try and clear my head from any distractions but Kathy just likes to get more hours. Emily always showes up to work 20 minutes late. That gave me the perfect amount of time to get any thoughts of her out of my head.

It is a little chilly this morning, which is why I wore a light black sweater as well as black dress pants and a purple silky shirt. It was my first time wearing this shirt and if I being honest with myself I had avoided wearing it in the past because of my fear of sweating through it.

Anytime Emily was around I was bound to start making a fool out of myself. I am nowhere near as beautiful as Emily. Her beauty intimidates me. I always compare my body, face, anything to her and I am no match. I am about the same height as her but that is about as far as similarities go. My breasts are small and my hips are too wide. My auburn hair is usually up in a ponytail; I can't stand wasting any time to make it look nice. I tried going to the gym to tone up but couldn't get into it. Therefore, I was always mentally keeping track of what I ate and resisted any sweets.

I shake my head to stop myself from going down this dark hole again. I greet Kathy as I walk through the back door and head straight to my desk. I sit there for a couple of minutes waiting for the computer to turn on and load.

******

To set the record straight I do not like Emily. Quite frankly, I can barely stand her. She has had an easy life. Her beauty has given her all the privilege in the world. Her confidence radiates from a mile away. Her beauty also makes her a great salesperson. She's always the winner of any competition in our office and is always on top of her game. I tried to hate her but she is always nice to me. So I settled to just be annoyed with her.

That does not mean that she does not have her flaws. The biggest one of them being that she is super competitive. I normally do not care whether someone is competitive or not but Emily always wants to be the best and will do anything to be number one. And I mean anything.

While I was fine with coming to work and just getting paid, Emily always went above and beyond. She always had to be on top, her sales had to be the best, and her looks always stole the show. If she did not know something it only took her a couple of tries to perfect it. I mean she was the complete opposite of me not only in looks but also in skills.

I bet she was one of the mean girls in high school. Maybe she wasn't a bully but she probably hung with the popular crowd and did not waste her time with nobodies. Even now people at our job want to please her and have her approval. I bet her life has not really changed since high school, or college for that matter. Her beauty probably got her out of doing any real work and her charm made all the professors love her. One look from her had me sweating puddles.

I didn't even know what hit me when I first met Emily. I am able to admit when girls were pretty and when I first saw her; I knew she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I was mostly intimidated by both her beauty and personality on my first day. I thought she wouldn't even glance my way but by the end of the day she had taken me under her wing and had me hooked.

Her smile, her laugh, and her knowledge of the job made her hard to resist. By the second week on the job I was fully trained by her. Once she saw me doing well on my own she began to change.

Maybe saying she changed isn't the right wording. She just reverted back to what she did before she had to train me. She would avoid helping customers who she knew wouldn't buy anything other than what they came for, thus making them nuisances. She talked bad about some coworkers and even our boss. While she did this though she also looked out for me as the new employee.

She tried showing me some of her tricks and wouldn't let any of the other workers take advantage of my lack of sales techniques. So while she never did anything wrong to me, she had no problem doing bad things to other people. Her true colors began to show and I was finally able to see her as just another human being with flaws.

That is, until she showed me her boobs.

Up until that moment I thought Emily was gorgeous but I could overlook that any time she let her super-ambitious personality shine. We were sitting around waiting for customers to walk through the door. It was a slow day. She was sitting at her desk and I was walking around the store trying to stay awake. Paul, a guy who left the company weeks later, was in the back working on inventory. We all knew he was sleeping behind the boxes of paper towels.

Emily started talking about her recent trip to the beach with her boyfriend. I was so bored that I gave in and asked her questions about it. Small talk with Emily usually just involved her talking and you asking as many questions as you could till she finished the story to her liking. Eventually she mentioned how she got tanned but she wished she didn't have any tan lines.

I looked at her in question. She pulled the collar of her shirt to the side and I saw the thinnest line between her true ivory colored skin and the light caramel color her skin had become.

I got uncomfortable so I just laughed and began to shift away from her desk. This was my cue to put space between us.

"I really wish I could have sunbathed naked. Right now my boobs are so pale." She then pulled her shirt even further down and I saw her pink lacy bra. It had small designs but was pretty much see through.

My mouth dried up and I felt my jaw slightly drop. I wanted to look away but could not take my eyes of her breast. Her fingers carefully traced the line between the two shades of skin. The bra made her breast stand out begging for attention. I could feel her eyes assessing me but there was so much turmoil going on in my head. I knew I had to look away but I couldn't. My mouth started to water, I could feel the saliva gathering around my bottom lip.

It was the first time I ever wanted to touch a girl.

Then she quickly pulled her shirt up, covering her breast, and got up to help a customer who had just walked in. That was the first night of many where I tossed and turned with thoughts of Emily. It didn't help that I stalked her social media accounts and got more pictures of her with much less clothing on. So even though her personality would sometimes be abrasive, I found it hard to stop my thoughts when they turned to her physical appearance.

Although I had never been with a girl, I knew that I could certainly play for their team. I have had many boyfriends but have also discreetly checked out other girls while in between relationships. I was not ready to open that door but it was getting harder and harder to keep those thoughts at bay when I was literally working with temptation.

Not ready to date a girl and Emily's overly competitive attitude were the two things that stopped me from completely jumping her bones. That and the fact that she was a straight as a post. She always talked about her boyfriend and bragged about how great he was. I always encouraged her to talk about him so that I was constantly reminded that I was crazy to ever think of Emily as anything other than a coworker.

******

I managed to avoid her all morning. I sort of know her routine by now so I find ways to avoid having to be near her. This turns out to be impossible when we both head to the lunchroom at the same time. I almost turn the other way but do not want to call attention to myself. Emily rarely ever ate lunch in the store. I always brought lunch from home.

The break room is empty, as always, and I take my seat at an empty table. Emily sits right next to me. Of course today would be the day where I would have to endure a whole hour of conversation with her. I usually spent this time recovering from all the thoughts I have about her throughout the day. Today I try not to think about the way her hips swayed side to side as she walks in her heels.

She flashes me a bright smile and begins taking her lunch out of a paper bag. It takes all of my concentration to do the same. I can't help but watch her though. Today she is wearing a light blue blouse and light grey suit. Even though it is pretty conservative my mind tries to imagine what she is wearing underneath. I shake my head, perv.

I try not to openly gawk at her face but she's so lost on her phone that I give myself time to really look at her. Her lips have a light pink tint that makes them look soft and sweet. She has on light blush and light blue eye shadow. I know she needs no makeup but I have to admit it only added to her beauty. Her pores are none existent.

Sometimes my brain hurts from trying to figure out if I should just let myself fantasize about her or ban her from my thoughts completely.

She suddenly looks up and smiles again. Her hazel eyes, which are a lighter shade of green with brown specks today, hold mine and a little glint appear in them.

I look away, clearing my throat. I feel the blood rushing to my face.

Ever since she basically showed me her breast, she seemed to find ways to torture me. Whether she knew it or not, was still up in the air. My bet was that she did and she loved it. A small part of me hoped she didn't. It was like high school all over again. I knew better than to think the popular girl would truly want to be my friend.

When Emily wanted to be nice, she could be so down to earth and very likeable. Dangerously likeable. When she wanted to play dirty...boy could she play dirty. I shake the image of her breast out of my mind.

"Guess who I hung out with this past weekend?" Her voice is soft and soothing. There's always a huskiness about it that demands attention. I wonder if she does it on purpose.

I begin to eat and let her talk.

"Brittany! You remember her, right? She works at the other store across town and went to the happy hour last week" Her tone is light and playful.

I stare at my food and try to think hard. I automatically think of the girl who was in the picture I saw last night on her social media account. I am pretty sure the other blonde in the picture was Brittany. I try recalling her face but get distracted by remembering Emily in the tight black dress.

I blush even more and shake my head.

"Oh, come on! You have to remember her! She talked to you for like half of the night." She nudges my shoulder.

My ears perk up. How did Emily know who I was talking to that night? I distinctly remember avoiding her the whole night while also keeping an eye on her. I wanted to make sure she didn't drink too much and drive home.

I shake my head once again.

She rolls her eyes and takes a bite out of her sandwich. I take a sip of water and focus on her. I hate myself for asking but I need to hear her talk again.

"Well what did you guys do?" My voice is quiet. I clear my throat.

Her eyes light up and her eyebrows get animated. She begins to tell me about how they went out to the bar and danced all night. Guys paid for all of their drinks and they got pretty wasted. I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous things they did to get guys to buy them drinks. I wondered where her boyfriend was but stopped myself from asking. I just needed to her keep talking. It was easier to sneak looks at her when she was speaking to me.

"Anyways, as we were in the uber heading back to my place Brit was so drunk she let something slip." Emily looks at me expectantly.

I ask her what it was.

She takes a dramatic pause. "She seems to have a crush on a certain someone."

I watch Emily take another bite of her food. I wait for her to continue talking but she has a smirk on her face. It takes me a while before I realize she is talking about me.

I bite my lip and school my features, trying not to give anything away. Brittany has a crush on me? This can't be true.

When Emily can't take the silence any longer she sighs, exasperated.

"Well aren't you going to say something?" Emily probably thought I was a little dense.

I rarely had any witty comebacks and never said more than a couple of sentences to her. Our conversations were pretty much like this all the time. She pulled teeth and I tried to run away only to come back for more. A masochist in its true definition.

So now it was up to me to decide if I wanted to officially come out and admit I was interested in girls or pretend that I did not think of girls that way. I decided to speak before thinking.

"Brittany is cute." I say, quietly. My cheeks burn and I bite my lip again.

Emily seems shocked by my response. Not only that but there is something off about her smile. It doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"How cute is she?" Emily asks and looks at me funny. She gives a breathy laugh to make light of the question.

I shrug and take another sip of water. My hands are sweaty and I can barely think about what she is asking me. Her undivided attention makes me squirm.

"Is she cuter than me?" Emily finally asks as she leans in.

I cough up some of the water and lean as far back as I can. Away from her piercing gaze. I only said Brittany was cute to get Emily off my back. Why would Emily care what I thought?

I can barely remember what this girl Brittany looked like and now I was suppose to somehow compare her to this goddess? And how was I supposed to respond honestly when all I could smell was her sweet perfume and look into her green eyes as she keeps leaning in. She smelled like roses today.

"So, is Brittany cuter than me?" Emily repeats. The glint is still in her eye but her lips were set.

"Of course not" I say quickly.

Of course there is no other girl who can compare to Emily. I am also intimidated by her response if I said anything other than what she wanted to hear. I try to look anywhere else and my eyes immediately run down past her throat to her breast, which give me a nice view of her cleavage.

I feel myself get hot. I have never been this close to her. I look back up at her lips and have to use all of my will power not to lean in and meet her half way. Her sweet scent is pulling me in.

She abruptly pulls back and has a smug smile on her face. Clearly satisfied with my answer, she packs her lunch and heads out.

My head was left spinning.

******

The next two days are agony. I had another dream of Emily. We were in the break room. I got to taste her soft pink lips and hold of her breast with my sweaty hands. Our lunch conversation gave me enough images to thoroughly masturbate multiple times before going to bed. She also started posting more questionable photos that had her wearing bikinis or skimpy PJs on her account. Neither of which were helping.

What made things worse was that I was mad at myself for getting caught up in her little game. On the drive home after our conversation that day it finally started to make sense. Emily was playing some dumb game to mess with my head.

Even if Brittany did have a crush on me, Emily's super competitive nature made her see Brittany as a rival. I shake my head in disgust again. Emily is straight, she has a boyfriend, and the only reason she cares about what I think is because of her big ego. She just has to be the most beautiful girl. God forbid Brittany gets a compliment.

I walk into the store early in the morning and sit at my desk. The back door opens a couple of minutes later, which is odd. Kathy is off today and no one else usually shows up so early. I turn my head and am surprised to see Brittney standing there with a couple of cups of coffee in her hands. I stare at her for a few seconds before she begins to shift uncomfortably.

"Hi Jessica" Her voice is quiet.

I have to admit she is pretty. Her blonde hair is up in a ponytail and it gives me a great view of her face. Her makeup is soft today, making her look younger and innocent. I now remember that we did talk for a long time at that happy hour. I did not drink much but just enough to give me a buzz and help me be a little chattier with people.

I remember her eyes were the prettiest shade of clear blue. I am actually happy to see her. I smile a little and walk towards her.

"Hi Brittney, you need help with that?" I grabbed two cups and sit them down on the counter. She does the same. "Are you working here today?"

It was normal for us to work at different stores when we were short staffed. In the back of my head I hoped it wasn't Emily who called off today. Even if I was mad at her, I still wanted to see her.

"No, I was just driving by and Emily asked if I could get you guys some coffee" She gives me a shy smile and looks away.

She is much shorter than I remember but her body was still beautiful. She isn't as curvy as Emily and her breast don't compare but she was still very attractive. At the mention of Emily I sober up. Annoyance creeps in. This is another one of Emily's little games. She knew I would be here alone in the morning and wants to push Brittany and I together.

Brittany notices my change of mood.

"I hope you don't mind me dropping by. Honestly I also wanted to see you." I try not to look too taken aback by her forwardness.