An Extensive Guide to Sexual Terms

When writing or talking about sex or the sexually oriented there are a million different terms or synonyms for any given act or part. So i thought i would catalogue as many as i could think off. here is a simple outline

I. Sexual acts

  a. intercourse
  b. oral sex
  c. anal sex
  d. other... (yes the most frightening 'other'                  
     catagory)

II. Genatalia and Other Body Parts

  a. male gentalia
  b. female genatalia  c. mammaries
  d. I'm logging Fluids here too

III. Other needed terms

  a. good adjectives to use
  b. good verbs
  

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I.Sexual Acts:

A. Intercourse:
Sexual Intercourse: a medical and scientific term, not very good for describing the lustful or loving act, mainly only used for concieving child, in a NON-sexual way.

Sex: bland, unoriginal, and who wants unoriginal?

Fornication: is this the bible? is it? cause if it's not, why is this word even here?

Fucking: blunt, to the point, not very original, but it suffices.

Sha-Boink-ee: If i ever see someone with this word used as sex in their story, i will contemplate suicide.

Bumping Uglies: if they are 'uglies' why are they being mentioned anyway...

Getting Booty: Not a bad term, but then again, not a very good one either, certainly explanatory though...

Pounding Pussy: There is a point you were trying to get across here A) your killing your cat or B) your beating up someone weak.

Rocking the Trailer: Should only be used for rednecks, such as "Sammy Jo and Billy Bob 're rockin' the trailer".

Taking it Trough the Car Wash: Only acceptable if used by a 'wet behind the ears' indian boy whose only dream was to learn to muff dive.

Boink: NO JUST FUCKING NO

Bang: it's ok, usually used as a childish thing though...

Hit That Shit: why would you wanna hit shit, your just gonna get shit all over yourself, and no one like someone whose shitty

Tap That Ass: This shit is off the hizzle, you dig cuh, i be saying it's all bout da ebonics yo

B. Oral Sex

Fellatio: sounds alot like the Greek word for friendly love, fellao, i sure wish recieving oral was friend love, because i would make alot of friends

Cunnilingus: 90% of idiots aren't going to know what this is, to many it's like the name of a dinosaur

Blowjob: Typical term, however, i don't know what blowing has to do with it at all

Eating Pussy: less like eating and more like slurping, when i think eating i imagine, meat and bread, eating pussy is like licking an ice cream cone

Giving Head: This term works... i guess... there are better

Cocksucking: dirogatory and delicious, to more rude the better i always say

Muff Diving: british, WAY to british...

Licking a Lollipop: are you a 6 year old, do you have a pedaphilia problem? i hope not... cause it's ILLEGAL

C. Anal Sex

Sodomy: the proper term, but still an enjoyable one, it sounds so forbidden

Anal: boring, bland, and stupid

Assfucking or Buttfucking: brutal and usable

Asssex or Buttsex: i will give you to the count of three to never say this again 1...2...3...

Driving Down the Hershey Highway: Now unless the direct mention of shit is intended dont use this. If it is, there isn't a better term.

Buggering: If your british, this is your term

Doing It In the Backdoor: A door? i've never seen one with a door... do they come standard now?

D. Other

Necrophilia: Sex with dead people is wrong

Goldenshowers: If your going to do something as dirty as piss on something, admit that it's dirty, don't make it sound like an old folks retirement home

Rimjob: There needs to be a more widely known term, as few know what this is... For those that don't know, it's licking someones asshole.

Felching: Quite possible the most original thing ever... having sex and then cumming in someone's asshole, then sucking the cum out, usually with a straw or cylindrical object, ive even heard of cases in which people snort it up there nose, then blew it out into someone's mouth. Scary huh? yep... scary

Watersport: anything involving urine.

Snuff Porn: porn in which someone is taped then murdered.

II. Genatalia and Other Body Parts

A. Male Genatalia

Penis: usuable but scientific

Dick: most common use

Cock: as a sexual term more then a body part

Pecker: what your dad used to call it

Pillypacker: no comment

Peewee-whopper: once used by a 5 year old i was babysitting... greatest term ever.

Wood, Johnson, Thing, Wiener: What is this gym class?

Snatch Attacker: If my penis was a super hero it would be 'Unstoppable Snatch Attacker'... just kidding...

Wang, Flopper, Sausage, Schlong: While enjoyable to say, please don't

Pud: rhymes with spud, sounds like a potato

Tool, Member, Meat: your trying too hard to be a bad harlequine novelist.

Balls, Nuts, Sack: go for it

Scrotum: i knew a kid with the last name scrotum once...

Babymakers: this almost sounds like a weapon

love orbs: "..." thats all i have to say "...", it reiterate "..."

B. Female Genatlia

Vagina: who can argue with the politically correct?

Love Trap: what is it going to spring and tear my dick off?

Pussy: common

Cunt: Dirogatory almost to a fault

Couse: just weird

Snatch: sounds like love trap

Lotus Patch: See "take it through the car wash"

Slit, Sex, Treasure, Love box: once again can you say HARLEQUINE?

Coochie: used by girls in a nonsexual way

III. Mammaries

Breast: my choice word

Tits: as object of lust

Boobs: used by girls

gerblies: British, specifically Austion Powers

Ta-Ta's: please god ever use this

Gazoombas: when they are big

Melons: see gazoombas

Jugs: see gazoombas, or melons

whoppers: see gazoombas, melons, or jugs

IV. Fluids

Cum: seminal fluid

Jizz, Sperm, Semen, Jism, Spunk, Goo, White stuff, Baby making love gravy: see cum

Juice, fluid, wetness: female secretions

Saliva, or spit: obvious

III. Other Needed Terms

A. Good Adjectives

For hot:
Beautiful    Lovely      Lusty
Sexy         Angelic     Foxy
Dazzling     Divine      Scrumptous
Jawdropping  Voluptuous  Luscious
Gorgeous     Curvaceous  ZAFTIG

For a penis:

Long      Monster
Hard      Pulsing
Swollen   Throbbing
Engorged  dangerous

B. Good Verbs

For fucking:

Plowing   Pistoning
Slamming  Tearing in to
Fucking   Pounding
Ploughing Slapping

For movement:

Bounce
Jiggle
Sway

Thats my advice, and use it damnit.