An Early Mistake

An Early Mistake

I have never had any intention or interest in writing about incest but circumstances in one of my other stories led me that way so I decided to write a story in this genre as a one-off. That story enjoyed a very positive reception so as a result I have decided to try writing another one. If this one doesn't get the reception of the last one I may call it a day on this particular genre but if it is appreciated, I will try to write more. Positive and constructive feedback is always welcome and as always, if anyone wants to message me, I will always reply and I'm happy to start a dialogue about mutual interests.

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I'm Mandy and I was quite conservative and reserved as a young girl, always working hard at school and filled with moral principles. I was sure I would save myself for my husband and other than that, I didn't really consider sex too much. It sounds odd, especially these days, but that's how it was for me and I never really questioned things. Unfortunately, the best laid plans don't always work out and my life certainly worked out very differently.

I was 18 years old before I even had my first boyfriend and that was entirely my choice. I was slim, pretty and even at that age I had well developed breasts that were full and firm. Plenty boys were interested but I was in no rush so I ignored sexual matters to focus on other things. When I did eventually go out with a boy, he was the wrong choice. I thought he was good looking and I was flattered by his obvious interest in me, though I now realise it was simply a teenage boy's lust. I can't deny I enjoyed his attentions and as things developed, I found that I also enjoyed his physical attention on my young body. From the moment I first kissed him and felt his hands on my body, I realised that boys could give me far more pleasure than I ever anticipated.

Gary was a couple of years older than me and a lot more experienced. I liked his confidence as much as his touch so when kissing progressed to him fondling my breasts through my blouse, I simply enjoyed the new sensations that were flooding over my young body. It wasn't long before his hands managed to find their way into my bra and I noticed that my nipples became hard under his touch and my pussy started to tingle and become very wet.

It won't come as any surprise that my initial resolve to save myself for my eventual husband evaporated and my increasing curiosity about boys and sex led to us having intercourse. Such was my desire for the pleasure he could give me that I never stopped to think about the consequences of my actions and I inevitably became pregnant. It was like my world came crashing down around me. Gary quickly made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me and favoured me having an abortion. If I didn't choose an abortion, I knew I'd get no support from him at all and this was at a time when boys weren't held to account in the same way they are today. There was no more support from my parents either, who practically disowned me due to their shame. It's not like they threw me out on the street but life at home became impossible.

Despite the impact on the rest of my life, I couldn't bring myself to terminate the pregnancy. I don't blame any woman who chooses that path and I would always support a woman's right to choose but to me, it felt like I would be killing my own child. My unborn baby surely shouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes. There was no shortage of people telling me I was making a mistake but for better or worse, I gave birth to a son and the moment I held him in my arms, I knew I'd made the right decision. All of my earlier ambitions in life seemed to melt away and I only wanted to exist for him. Gary never once enquired about his son and that was fine by me; my precious boy deserved better than a low-life like him. I called my son Adam because his birth felt like the start of a new life for us. He was the first and only man in my life from now on so I liked the idea of naming him after the very first man, even though I wasn't a Christian.

As soon as I was able, I moved away from my hometown for a new start. I didn't want to spend every day facing the judgement of people who didn't understand that my child made me happier than I ever thought possible and my life would be devoted to him from now on.

Being just 18 years older Adam, our relationship was never quite that of a conventional mother and son. I loved him unconditionally like any other mother but as he grew up, we also became the best of friends. His tastes in music, TV, films and clothes were never far from my own and as we were so close in age, I suppose that's not entirely surprising. Fortunately he didn't inherit everything from his father. He was certainly good looking like his father and as he became a teenager, he attracted a lot of interest from the local girls but he wasn't the inconsiderate user that his father had been. He had a wild side but it was tempered by a respect for women in general and me as his mother. As a result, he had a string of girlfriends and I had no doubt that he was able to enjoy a good teenage sex life but I never saw him go out with any girl just for sex.

I was completely honest about his father and made it clear that although Gary's behaviour had been deplorable, becoming a mother at just 18 years old was as much my fault as his. The only difference was that I had accepted responsibility for my actions while Gary had not. Adam thankfully accepted this without question, just as he accepted that I loved him unconditionally. I had been afraid that he'd try to find his father, partly because I didn't want to see him again and partly because I was afraid that Gary would simply reject him again. I didn't want Adam to suffer such rejection but fortunately, Adam never showed any desire at all to meet his father.

Adam was 18 years old himself when I turned 36 and as I looked younger than that, we were never taken for mother and son. I was pretty open with him about everything and our life together was relaxed and fun. I often wore quite revealing clothes around the house and sex was never a taboo subject. I'd naturally put on a bit of weight since I was 16 but I was still a size 12 with firm 36E breasts so I could sport an impressive cleavage. I went out with a few guys and enjoyed some sex but for the most part I abstained. I didn't want Adam to see me as a tramp and I didn't want to share him by having a man in my life and potentially giving Adam a stepfather.

Looking back, it was a fateful night in August when our relationship started to change. It had been a hot day and we'd been in the garden all afternoon sipping cold beers before gravitating to the sophistication of Pimms No.1. There's nothing quite like a Pimms on a hot summer's day in England but the drawback is that it goes down so easily that it's difficult to keep track of the alcohol you're consuming. By the time late evening arrived and we returned to the house, we were both pretty far gone and Adam was goading me about getting a man in my life.

"I just don't get it Mum, you're a great looking woman with a hot body so why not?" he asked for the umpteenth time.

"Well I'm glad somebody thinks I'm hot, even if it is a bit disturbing that it's you!" I laughed.

"I may be your son but I'm not blind!" he protested.

"Perhaps you're biased," I replied, hoping he'd let the matter drop.

"You know that's not the truth Mum," he sighed. "You're my Mum and even I think you're not too old to be enjoying a sex life."

"Oh, thank you very much!" I giggled. "Do you really want me bringing guys home and having sex with them?"

He thought for a moment before replying, "Well, perhaps not here, at least when I'm at home. That might feel a bit weird."

"Then you see the problem then don't you, besides which, perhaps my experience with your father means I'm just fussy about the sort of man I have sex with now."

"So what do you want in a man?" he asked, staggering into the kitchen to get us yet another drink. "Besides the obvious of course!"

"Well, obviously I'd like a good looking man who will treat me with respect, what else would I want?" I asked.

"Someone with a big dick!" he laughed, returning to the room. "Isn't that what all women want?"

I was too drunk to be shocked by his statement so instead I roared with laughter, partly due to my surprise that he'd say such a thing and partly that he'd believe that's all women wanted. My experience of men may have been a bit limited but I knew that he was being a rather naïve teenage lad, at least in my experience. Over the years I'd experienced quite a powerful curiosity about trying a properly large penis but I had come to the conclusion that the vast majority of men were very much the same in terms of size.

"I suppose that might be a nice bonus," I admitted, "but I think you'll find most men are pretty similar in size so for me, he'd have to genuinely love me too. I made that mistake with your father!"

"Oh, so that's what the score was with him," he laughed as he staggered around the room, "he had a big cock but didn't love you!"

"No, not at all, he was like most men at about 6 inches. I meant he was good looking and so I fixated on the surface and not putting it together with the qualities that really count," I tried to explain as seriously as I could but the amount of alcohol swimming around my system meant I couldn't be entirely serious. "I might not have minded him so much if he'd had a bigger cock," I laughed, trying to steady the world by clinging to the sofa.

"So you do like a big cock on a man!" he cried out triumphantly, waving his glass in the air.

"Well I certainly wouldn't mind trying one bigger than I've had so far," I admitted, stunning myself by my drunken openness, "but as I say, the vast majority of men are about 6 inches in my experience so I think bigger than that is pretty rare. I think they're reserved for porn movies."

"Then I have a hell of a career in front of me!" he chortled and promptly collapsed into an armchair.

The thing about being such a young mother is that it makes being a parent so difficult. It's not just the obvious issues of money and the public perception of you, it's how you forge a reasonable relationship with your child. In some ways, being a young mother is fantastic because you're so close in age to your child that you can share things that normal parents can't. You really can be more like friends than in a normal parental relationship but that is also a massive problem because the lines between being a parent and being a friend become more blurred.

I was Adam's mother so I had certain duties and responsibilities but I was also his friend and I liked it that we got on so well together. He was a good looking young man and in different circumstances I could easily have seen myself having him as a lover but naturally, as my son, that was impossible. Nevertheless, his comment about him having a possible career in porn due to the size of his penis was intriguing and as I covered him in a blanket for the night as he slept in the armchair, I was naturally curious. I confess I was tempted to see if he was speaking the truth while he lay unconscious and for a while I stared at his crotch, trying to imagine what all these young girls had been enjoying. There seemed little to be gained by looking so I eventually went to bed and tried to put the whole matter out of my mind.

As I lay in bed that night, I started to reflect on my own sex life. I enjoyed sex and I did miss having a man in my life but I had no particular regrets. It was a sacrifice I made for my son and Adam was worth any sacrifice but the tingle in my pussy as I thought of the large cock Adam had described did make me wonder if my choice was completely true. What I'd told Adam was perfectly correct as all of my lovers over the years had been around 6 inches or maybe 6.5 inches at most so I naturally concluded that this was simply the size men were. Most of the time this didn't bother me because sex was still good but on the rare occasions I'd seen porn or I'd heard other women talking about well-endowed men, I did become madly curious about what it would be like to be fucked by a really big cock. I'd once attended an Anne Summers party and been sorely tempted to buy a large vibrator but I was afraid of Adam finding it so I decided not to bother. As I lay in bed that night, I wished I had it with me but there was nothing to gain by having such thoughts so I eventually drifted off into a restless sleep.

If Adam remembered anything about his declaration the night before, he wasn't letting on and seemed to be perfectly normal the next morning. At that age you never seem to suffer from hangovers, whereas I was nursing a thumping headache and not for the first time, promising myself that I'd never drink again. As much as I tried, I couldn't get Adam's comment out of my mind and I found myself frequently glancing at his crotch, trying to make out the outline of his package. Don't get me wrong, I had no sexual thoughts about Adam, at least not conscious ones, it was merely a curiosity about seeing a genuinely big cock and I started to wonder about dating again in the hope of finding such equipment on a prospective partner. Given my previous experience, it seemed unlikely and I was pretty sure that Adam's claim was grounded more in alcohol than reality but I'd been curious about a bigger cock for so long that I was certainly a little preoccupied.

I eventually went on a date with a guy from work who had been interested in me for a while. He was a nice guy and quite good looking so we found ourselves back at his place and I was happy to let events take their natural course. It had been over a year since I'd last had sex and since that night with Adam, I'd really felt like I needed to be fucked again. I'd love to say it was an incredible experience and he was hung like a horse but it wasn't like that. I enjoyed the sex and I liked him as a man but at just over 6 inches in length, the experience was much as I'd had before and I found I wasn't too enthusiastic about hanging around after the deed was done and my immediate needs were satisfied. I returned home earlier than anticipated with rather mixed feelings. I'd enjoyed having sex with a man again but I was also disappointed that I hadn't found the really big cock I'd hoped for and was beginning to crave.

When I arrived back at the house, I decided to go straight to bed so headed to the bathroom to remove my make-up. I didn't even think about where Adam was or what he'd be doing. As I was back earlier than I'd indicated to him, I assumed he was still out for the evening, probably with some girl. I opened the bathroom door and walked straight in without thinking and was stunned to find Adam masturbating in there. That would have stunned any mother but as I stood there in shocked silence, I also couldn't help noticing the equipment he held in his hand. He easily had the biggest cock I'd ever seen and must have been over 8 inches with impressive thickness. Clearly believing I would be out much later, he hadn't bothered locking the bathroom door so I just stood there, open mouthed, while Adam looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Mum!" he eventually stammered after what felt like an age. "I......I.......I......."

"I'm sorry Adam, I shouldn't have barged in like that,' I eventually managed to say while trying to look away and look at his impressive equipment at the same time. Blushing profusely, I left the room as quickly as possible and rushed to my own room, unsure of what I was feeling. Adam followed me to try and explain, though there was no doubt at all what he had been doing.

"I'm so sorry Mum," he blurted out as he burst into my room, "I don't know what to say."

"I was just a bit shocked by the surprise," I tried to reassure him as calmly as I could, though I felt far from calm. My mental state wasn't helped by the fact that in his rush to come and see me, it was clear he still had at least a partial erection in his trousers and I was struggling to tear my eyes away from it. "Obviously I know young men masturbate," I continued, "but you have such a steady stream of girlfriends I guess I never thought that you would have to do that."

"I'm 18 Mum; even if I was getting sex a couple of times a week from a girlfriend I'd still be masturbating every day," he tried to explain.

"You do that every day?" I asked, surprised by his sex drive, which was clearly more powerful than most girls of the same age or at least me when I was his age.

"Sometimes two or three times a day Mum, otherwise I can't control it and sometimes it's not about a girlfriend because sometimes I want to think about other women."

I really wasn't sure what to make of all this as at that moment in time, my world suddenly wasn't making quite the same sense it had done previously. "What other women?" I eventually asked.

"Other girls, older women, actresses, completely fictional women" he tried to explain. I could appreciate anyone having a fantasy as I'd had my fair share during my lonely nights in bed alone but I was struck by the fact that he mentioned older women more specifically than any other category.

"Are these specific women that I might know you think about?" I asked.

'A lot of the time, yes," he admitted, "but it's never a woman I'm ever likely to be with, which is why it's a fantasy."

"So who is it you're thinking about?"

"I don't think this is something we need to take further," he replied, avoiding the question. "I'm sorry you saw that and I'm sorry if I upset you. I feel terrible about it," and with that he swept out of my room and was gone.

I was tempted to go after him but I couldn't see any way that the conversation could end well so instead I decided to sleep on it and perhaps try talking to him about it in the morning. I didn't sleep much that night as my mind was bombarded with conflicting thoughts and feelings. As far as Adam was concerned, I knew I owed him an apology. What he was doing was perfectly normal and I shouldn't have asked for as much detail as I did. It was his business and I should simply accept that he was a normal young man with normal desires and drives. As for myself, I was both excited and troubled by what I'd seen. Adam was proof that the big cock I'd often dreamed about could be a reality without being in a porn film and I was sure I'd use that thought numerous times as I pleasured myself in the solitude of my bedroom. In that respect I realised I was no different to Adam so how could anything he did be wrong? I closed my eyes and tried to imagine such a cock on a lover of my own but the trouble was, the only cock I'd ever seen that size was Adam's and it felt odd whenever I tried to think of such a lover and Adam came to mind. It was a restless and frustrating night.

The next morning Adam came down rather sheepishly to breakfast so I decided I had to clear this up quickly and decisively.

"Adam, I know this is awkward for us but having thought about this all night, I think I owe you an apology," I started to say.

"You owe me an apology?" he replied, surprised by this turn of events.

"Yes," I confirmed. "What you were doing was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It's also your own private matter so I shouldn't have asked so many questions that had nothing to do with me. I want you to know that I'm fine with this and I don't want it to affect our relationship."

"Thanks Mum," he beamed, "I don't want it to affect our relationship either. I love you."

"I love you too Adam," I smiled back at him, "and I want you to feel free to ask me whatever you want and discuss anything you want at any time with me."