A Mother's Love

"Why the fuck do you keep calling? Isn't it apparent we don't wish to talk with you?" When I brought up the credit card charges she laughed. "If you were stupid enough to let us walk away with that card that's your problem. Goodbye, don't call anymore."

I contacted his oldest male friend asking if he had Aaron's new phone number, he did but wouldn't give it to me. I asked if he would pass along a message, he was happy to do that. When he called three days later he told me Aaron and Allison didn't want us to visit, they wanted to be left alone. My heart sank, what had we ever done to Aaron, or Allison for that matter, to deserve such treatment. I saw a blurb on the internet which said with their software you could locate anyone anywhere if they had a phone or were working. I paid the $79.95 and awaited the download process to complete.

Once installed I'd found them within an hour. Jerrod and I decided we were going to fly out and see first hand what was going on. After landing we rented a car, punched the address into Google and hit the road, being early afternoon we expected to reach where they lived by suppertime. Maybe we could have a meal together and discuss what was going on. As we pulled into the neighborhood we were in shock, the buildings were run down, there were abandoned or disabled vehicles everywhere. Why would they be living in such squalor?

As I knocked on the door an older gentleman in just his skivvies opened. He was toothless, unshaven and reeked of alcohol.

"Yeah, whatcha want lady? I aint givin to no charities so piss off."

After regaining my composure I asked if this was where Aaron and Allison lived. He nodded and then stated the obvious. "When they're around they crash here, most of the time she's partying while he works and then he joins later. They're a fucked up mess lady."

Having said his piece he closed the door in my face. We went about finding out who the landlord was and contacted him, telling him we were Aaron's parents and would he be able to tell us where Aaron was employed. Leaning over the counter of his shoddy little office he looked at Jerrod.

"I aint sposed to do that shit, but with a Benjamin Franklin in my hand I might be persuaded to make an exception."

Jerrod fished out a hundred dollar bill, put it in his hand, and we waited while he went through the files. Once he'd pulled it out he wanted another twenty to write down the address. I saw Jerrod tense up, knowing he was still as strong as ever I gave him the *please don't get us arrested* look. Walking behind the counter he grabbed the weasel by the neck pushing him against the wall.

"How about I squeeze your scrawny neck until your head pops off and I shit down your throat? Write it down asswipe or you die."

His dirty fingers couldn't scribble fast enough. It was already the end of our second day in crappy California and we hadn't seen our son yet. First thing the next morning we drove to his place of work, not surprising that it was a lumber yard. Jerrod went in and talked to the owner, told him the entire story and left with a promise that he'd send Jerrod to the corner coffee shop after he returned from his delivery. At half past nine Aaron walked through the door headed for the counter, we were in a booth behind and he never saw us.

When he turned to leave with the coffee there stood Jerrod, who pointed toward me and the booth, both men approached. When I reached out to hug him he stunk, his hair was dirty, his eyes looked like piss holes in the snow and his clothes were in disrepair. I wanted to kiss his cheek and have him sit next to me, it wasn't to be. His dad forced him to the inside of the booth across from me and then sat blocking him being able to leave.

In the course of an hour we learned that Allison was very much still a part of the college party scene, going out every day and night. He hadn't seen her in two days but was expecting her to be home that night. Before I could ask, yes she'd cheated on him, but he loved her and wanted to see it work out. My 24 year old son was walking around with his head so far up his ass he had to look through his navel to see where he was going. We offered him money, we offered to help with a divorce lawyer, we begged and wept ... all to no avail. He wasn't coming home but did promise to stay in contact, if nothing more than a text weekly.

The ride to the airport and the flight home were spent in silence. What would we possibly talk about, our hearts were broken, it was as if he were dead to us in his eyes. I wept for days reaching the conclusion that I had to let it go. He was grown and on his own, we'd always be there to help, but as it was now, it wasn't our circus or our monkeys. We surmised he was going to have to learn the hard way and there was nothing we could do about it. It seemed as though we'd gotten past the worst of our hurt and pain when the other shoe dropped. Jerrod was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the worst part is that it was in an advanced stage and very aggressive.

I talked with Aaron two weeks later, he said he would come home to see his dad in a week or so, which he did. What broke my heart even more than my life partner dying was that our son only stayed two days before returning to the hell he called life. He and dirtbag Allison returned five months later for his memorial service and to ask for money. I gave them a check for two thousand dollars and told them not to ask again. As they walked away, I heard her say to Aaron, *cheap whore*.

I sorted my sorrow and feelings of abandonment and found the wherewithal to get back to work. This was about the same time my dad wanted to retire but wasn't about to turn the businesses over to my pothead older brother. It went to me instead, my brother was furious, until I told him I'd keep him on the payroll for eighteen months along with the benefits he already had. After that I'd send him on his way with a severance payment once he signed away all interests in the family businesses. He was on that like a chicken on a June bug.

After becoming a widow it took a year or so to feel brave enough for an outing. I dated a few guys, nothing special, I only let a few I thought were special in my panties. I realized how disappointing the dating scene was after having to call the cops on the last one and ditched dating altogether. If I got that horny I'd drive the ninety miles to the city and hook up with some good looking suit, as yet it hadn't reached that point. I heard from Aaron at first, that quickly tapered off to a few times a year, usually my birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas. He hadn't been back since Jerrod's burial.

It had been just over three years since Jerrod died that I got a surprise knock on the door. As I opened it my heart sunk, after not seeing him for three years standing on my porch was Aaron. Meager bags in hand looking lost and disheveled, he smelled, but only of travel and lack of a shower. I motioned him inside, I made no attempt to hug or kiss him, I softly took his arm and led him to his old room.

"Are you hungry?" He nodded yes. "I'll go put something together, you clean up and come to the kitchen when you're ready. Aaron, it's so nice to see you."

He ate in near silence, I wasn't about to push or pry, he'd open up when he was ready. He hung his head most of the time as he ate, my heart went out to him, I so wanted to take away all his hurt and pain. As he finished he picked up his plate and utensils, washed them quickly and was going to leave the kitchen were it not for me blocking his path.

"Mom I don't wanna talk, not tonight. Please let me sleep."

"I don't want to talk either, but as payment for the shower and food I want a hug from my son. If you have laundry I'll do that as well for another hug and a kiss on your cheek tomorrow after you scrape the four day growth off your face."

Taking me in his big arms he held me tight, as if he were sinking and I was his life buoy. He smelled like the boy I'd bathed decades ago, it amazed me that at the age of 27 I still thought of him as my little boy. I felt his body tremble slightly as he snuffled, I reached for the Kleenex, standing next to him as he blew his nose and wiped his eyes. I touched his face with my hand and softly spoke.

"Go to bed honey, you've had a long trip on that Greyhound bus ride from California, I'll take tomorrow off, toss your laundry in the hall and I'll take care of it first thing in the morning."

With one more quick hug I let him go. Tomorrow would be a tough enough day for him without being deprived of rest. I was up and at it by six as is my usual time, I had his disheveled looking clothes in the washer by seven. Describing them as awful looking and tattered is being kind. I saved the best of the worst and tossed the rest, we'd do shopping today for some decent clothing and underwear. I heard him stirring about eleven, a half hour later he was standing in the kitchen freshly shaved and smelling presentable.

I walked over, turned his face left and right inspecting his appearance. He let out a laugh as I told him he'd do and kissed him on each cheek. Our lunch was simple, afterward we went to town where I bought him several pair of pants and shirts along with underwear. We stopped at the Brew Haus for a burger and beer on the way home. After unloading and putting his clothes along with underwear in the wash we sat on the couch in silence.

"Well mom aren't you going to ask why I left? Don't you want to say I told you so?"

"No honey I'm not. You'll tell me when you're ready, as for I told you so, you'll never hear those words from my lips regarding where you've been and what you've done. You're welcome to stay here with me, I'd feel safer with a man in the house. One I love and trust."

"Mother as young looking as you are there ought to be no shortage of guys wanting to ask you out."

"Aaron I'm fifty seven, the guys who want to date me only do it in hopes that I'll put out, which isn't going to happen. It's already nine son, I'll toss your clothes in the dryer and then I'm going to bed. I suggest you do the same."

I patted his cheek and kissed his forehead as I walked past. Not sure how much longer he planned to stay up, didn't really matter to me, I'd wake him before I left and from there on it was all him for the remainder of the day. I knocked on his door at six and peeked in, he was already up, I heard the shower running and decided to do the same in my attached bedroom. As I dressed, I found myself wondering what to wear, from the skin out. I hadn't considered how I looked in such a long time I found it appealing that having a man in the house would cause me to re-evaluate how I dressed.

When Jerrod was alive I wore bikini panties, boy shorts and even had a few thongs, although I found them uncomfortable to wear. It wasn't unusual for me to sport a garter belt with lace top stockings and sheer panties over them. All of that had long been in the back of my bottom drawer, this morning I pulled out a pair of lace boy shorts I hadn't worn in over a year. No one but me was going to see them, I felt special anyway. After a quick cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal I shoved off for work. I liked arriving as close to seven as possible, normally getting there about seven fifteen, the guys showed up at seven thirty and the office gals at eight.

I had left the keys to Jerrod's old pickup on the counter thinking Aaron might begin looking for a job. As I pulled in the driveway I noticed the truck had been moved, I was anxious to hear about his day. Walking in the house my nostrils were seduced by the savory smells emitting from my kitchen. There was only one thing it could be, he had remembered one of my favorite dishes, roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy along with my favorite vegetable, sweet corn.

I found him leaning into the oven taking out fresh dinner rolls, you know, the frozen ones you buy at the store and bake at home. My gosh, I couldn't have imagined a better *welcome home mom* than the one greeting me. Tossing my purse and keys on the island I walked to Aaron, let him set the rolls on the stove top to cool, spun him and put my arms around him. Pulling back I kissed his cheek.

"Mom, why are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong honey, it's all perfect. I wasn't expecting anything like this, thank you so much. I hate cooking for one, this is so special."

"You might want to look at the table as well mother."

A vase with an assorted cut flower bouquet adorned the table, plates and silverware were set, it was not something I'd call romantic, it was thoughtful and very nice. It made me wonder why Allison would throw love like that away. Well, I'm only his mom but I'll do what I can to help him get back on his feet, forgive himself, and move on with life. He took my coat and hung it at the back door, asking if I'd like to freshen up while he got everything ready to eat. I did so, lightly washing my face and hands, combing my hair out letting it fall, put on my fuzzy slippers and wandered to the kitchen. Aaron was just setting the dishes of food on the table as I entered, he quickly went around behind my chair, pulled it out and then helped push it in as I sat.

"You know Aaron, you're spoiling me, I could get used to treatment like this real fast. Just keep in mind that how you're treating me sets the precedence for how I'll expect to be treated while you're here with me."

"That won't be a problem mom, I don't know of any other I'd rather do this for, you're my forever girlfriend. I used to think you were my girlfriend when I was a little boy."

"I remember those days. You were so sweet, always bringing me a bouquet of field flowers or dandelions. Do you remember the time you picked all of Mrs. Rawson's tulips for me? Oh, she was so upset with you, it's funny now but it wasn't then. I had to paddle your hide."

Aaron set a glass of ice water in front of me and a glass of milk for himself, we ate in relative silence, a comment here or there but nothing amounting to a conversation. As we finished, I sat back and patted my flat tummy, it wasn't toned by any means but thankfully it was still as close to flat as a fifty something girl could hope for without going to a gym every day. Aaron reached over and patted the back of my hand.

"I ate too much son, it was delicious, but I still ate too much. It'll have to be salads and low carb for a few days if I'm gonna keep my girlish figure."

We both chuckled, it felt so nice having an adult to interact with, he was caring, humorous and showed affection in a proper manner ... this was the boy I'd raised, not the shell of a person I'd seen three years ago. My *mom* mind immediately went to *what the hell had she done to my boy*, he'd left home a different person. Ah well, he was back, I was going to do everything I could to help him reconnect with life.

I insisted on helping clear the table and do up our few dishes, with just me for so many years I seldom used the dishwasher, I wasn't even sure it worked anymore. We flipped a coin as to who'd wash, He ignored it and washed anyway. We talked a little while doing dishes, as we finished he looked at me seriously.

"Mom, I want to work, to pull my weight and contribute. Trouble is, the only thing I seem to do well is work in a lumber yard. Do you think there might be a spot for me at the yard? Anything from stacking to delivery, I wouldn't let you down, is there any chance I can work for you?"

"I'm sure I can find a spot for you, don't look to me for favors though, you'll work the hours everyone else does, you'll do the same work everyone else does and you'll be paid accordingly. I'll start you at a decent hourly wage, any raises or promotions you will earn. You will also respect and not argue with the people presently in charge. Understood?"

His eyes were beginning to leak and I sensed he was embarrassed, to help him hide it I reached out and hugged him to me. We stood like that for a few minutes, when I felt he was composed I released him, pushing him back.

"Thanks mom, you always know what to do."

"Okay, well then we'd better run and get you some work duds, the jeans we just bought will be ruined if you work in them. Carhart has some heavy duty carpenters pants that will do just fine. C-mon, what size is your waist now? 30, wow you've stayed in shape haven't you?"

I told him to take the next day which was a Friday to organize his room and go through his father's tool shed, he'd need a utility knife, twenty five foot tape measure, a folding rule and leather gloves for the job. I was sure all of that was in the tool shed, I would take him to work with me Monday. He had burgers on the grill, burger buns toasting on the upper rack and sweet corn ready to be taken out of the boiling pot as I walked into the kitchen.

I hugged him and said, "This is wonderful, I could kiss you."

He startled me, "Then why don't you."

I blinked a few times in astonishment then laughed and said, "Why not, after all I am your girlfriend."

It was a quick peck with my hands on both sides of his face. Following supper we went shopping again, one of the lead men in the yard had reminded me the new regs required hard toed shoes. I knew where the Red Wing store was, we found a pair that fit him well, there's nothing more miserable than new work shoes that don't fit right. Saturday morning was my regular grocery shopping day, with another mouth to feed I decided to do an honest to goodness grocery shopping. He wanted to come along and who was I to argue with an offer to help.

I pushed the cart mostly, telling him to grab this or that, other than the fruit and produce, I wasn't trusting that to anyone else. As we approached the self serve checkout he looked uncomfortable, I stopped and asked what was wrong.

"I don't have much money left mom, I want to help but don't have the cash. I feel like a mooch."

"Nonsense, I didn't expect you to pay anything, I've more than enough money to pay for our groceries, now you bag while I scan. DON'T put the heavy stuff on top of the soft stuff, other way around please."

We had always enjoyed puzzles when he was younger, I ran into the store quickly, found a puzzle I thought we would enjoy and we headed home to unpack and put away groceries. Saturday night we worked on the puzzle until our eyes were blurry, then watched a new episode of Vera. Sunday he spent most of the day doing yard work, making me aware of all the hired lawn people were missing or simply weren't doing. While at work Monday I cancelled their service.

The older guys remembered Aaron and welcomed him back, the younger ones had no idea he was the owner's son. I switched him from position to position that first week asking the older guys to evaluate where he was the strongest and could be best utilized. To a person all three said he best fit in staging and arranging deliveries, it was what he'd done years before and still had a love for the position. Old Mike as we called him had worked in that area for decades and was sick of it, he'd wanted to retire twice now but always stayed on because he felt I needed him. With Aaron back Mike knocked at my door and walked in.

"Jen, with your boy back I'd like to retire for good. I'm 71 and I feel every year of that. You think that can be arranged?"

We had a huge retirement party in my backyard for Mike and Elma a month later. It was also the weekend my shit stain daughter-in-law showed up the next day while we picked up the yard. She walked through the gate like she owned the place, with her were two big lads who scowled all the time. I had quietly dialed 911 when I saw the two hulks behind her. She was there for money, after Aaron had gone she was left to her own shitty existence and she was pissed. The two big guys continued to encroach on where I stood, I refused to back down and just as they were about to get physical the cops showed up.