A Little Night Music Ch. 09

"A tumbling through space and through time,
the concepts of space and time are combined.
Twirling, twisting, through red, blue, and green,
the stars, the planets, the nebulae seen.
Infinite outward and infinite in.
So where did Infinity all begin?
In the very same place where Infinity ends:
In the conscious minds and dreams of Shamen."
-The Shamen, "Space Time"

Contessa Helena de San Finzione was checking out Susan's ass in her form-fitting tactical shorts.

It wasn't really Susan's ass, and for that matter, didn't seem to quite be the Susan she'd talked to on Skype a few times. She seemed more like Lara Croft, but that was probably due to her being dressed as Lara Croft and having just done some kind of tomb-raiding somersault flip while gunning down the two beasts that were now being dragged off the set by stagehands. A big "Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By" notice was on the monitors that Helena could see from her angles.

"Susan?" Helena asked again.

"No," Suzy-Q said as she took Helen's coffee cup and scooped some wine out of the giant wine glass that hadn't broken and stained the carpet with a sea of red to match the blood of the Sally and Cara-Things. "I'm, Suzy-Q. That's one of those weird things happening right now. Susan's doesn't even know I'm here. She's busy getting finger-fucked by Julie and blowing Troy in a bath on one of your new planes. They're on their way here, incidentally. Racing across the globe to be by your side., like you knew damn well they would as soon as they heard."

Helena nodded. Suzy-Q continued.

"I, on the other hand, have no fucking clue what I'm doing in YOUR head. Susan wouldn't have told you about us. Troy and Julie know, but they wouldn't say anything without asking her first; which they haven't. And you specifically told the Ultimados no to breaking into Susan's therapist's office and getting her file. There's no logical reason I should be here, but I'm pretty sure logic isn't playing a big role in all this."

"Ok," Helena asked, sitting at the end of one of the couches. "Then what's the IL-logical reason?"

"Good question," Suzy-Q replied, sitting at the other end and turning to face her. "Well, I'd say the four of you know the secret of mind control, honey, so, what other things might be real? Susan's not even doing anything to make this happen; maybe telepathy's a thing too. Maybe the three of them together and trying to fuck their minds off of worrying about you is doing something to the Collective Subconscious, allowing me to come to you. We can't ignore the near-death aspect of things; maybe there are just angles to the whole Life/Death game that can't be made out from your end, or this is just something that the stars are aligned for right now. Not to belabor the dying point, but have you seen any dead people you know? Have you come across Propappou or Vincenzo yet?"

Helen considered her words, but still wasn't certain that this wasn't another trick her mind was playing on her.

"No, haven't seen anybody but the freaky things and you. And I don't think my late husband's name has ever come up in our conversations, so where do you know it?"

Suzy-Q replied to that with a shit look.

"Ever the skeptic, huh? Well, that one's much less of a mystery, Helen. Your late husband was one of the Crown Heads of Europe; it's called Wikipedia, dear. You really think Susan's never Googled you?"

With an odd shimmer, the audience and cameras vanished, leaving them alone.

"So, anyway," Suzy-Q said, clasping her hands. "You figured out that the assassin was deaf and that's why The Thing didn't work. He was also apparently suicidal. So, you've got one answer that brings with it more questions."

Helena gave it more thought.

"Yeah, like 'who'd think to send a deaf assassin after me?'"

"Well, I see you conjured a qipao for yourself to wear; lovely, by the way. Like the dragons. So maybe that's your subconscious trying to tell us something. You thinking the Elders, maybe?"

Helena puffed on her cigarette, an advantage to its having been conjured into existence within her head being that the cigarette seemed to be lasting forever.

"Thought about the Triad angle, yeah; maybe Raymond Chen set all this up before they got him?"

Suzy-Q laughed at that.

"Raymond Chen's dead. Not like you are here while they're operating to save you, real 'dead dead.' The Elders got on that one pretty quickly, didn't they?"

"Well, now I know you're not entirely Susan or whatever part of her you're supposed to be; because she had no way of knowing about all that business."

"Hey, that's right," Suzy-Q responded. "Well, I AM a guest in your head; maybe I've got some kind of guest-level access to your thoughts. I mean, Susan doesn't even know what a qipao is, I must've gotten that from you."

Helena considered that a moment.

"Plausible as the rest of this. Nonetheless, you make a good point. The thugs I sent home couldn't have been back more than two or three hours before Raymond Chen's hand appeared at the embassy. And if he'd been a Triad Brother; even one stupid enough to go behind the Elders' backs and make a move in San Finzione, that would be a personnel matter. They would have had needed to hold meetings and discuss what to do about him. They wouldn't have immediately skipped straight to execution."

Susy-Q took another drink before speaking.

"Maybe you've just got them that scared, Helen. This reputation you've established around the world as a woman to be feared? It works, people fear you. Somehow, 'The Viper That Speaks All the Tongues of Man' is angry with them about some guy named Raymond Chen. The last thing anyone wants is a war with you, so they had to give you a Raymond Chen. But if they don't even know who Raymond Chen is..."

Helena completed the thought with a sigh and a downward look.

"I see, yeah. They might just go murder some random guy; just to appease me."

* * *

By the time the Air Finzione supersonic jet was over the Eastern Seaboard, Susan Bailey had cleaned up and put on some clothes from her bag. The clothes she'd had in the bag, however, were chosen for Western Washington weather and practicality rather than flying from Seattle to San Finzione in one of the plane's Contessa Class luxury suites.

The evening dress she'd been wearing when she boarded had been replaced by a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that said in white letters "Somewhere deep down, aren't we ALL Groot?" Although there were no other passengers, she kept the blue flannel jacket in the bag so anyone seeing her wouldn't think she was about to hit them up for change.

She walked back to First Class and saw all the empty seats. Air Finzione wouldn't exist for another month yet. In fact, the first commercials were scheduled to start airing during sporting events that weekend. The San Finzione consul in Seattle had been able to use his connections and arrange this flight for her and the Equals as personal friends of La Contessa. Susan thought better of correcting him that technically, she and Helen weren't quite friends yet and accepted.

She looked in the alcove between First and Business Classes, hoping to find Colleen or someone else, but it was devoid of people. Since their tickets were "on Helen," or at least on La Familia de San Finzione's business empire, Susan had no issues grabbing a couple of single-serving bags of Goldfish crackers and roasted almonds before continuing back to Coach and finding no one again.

On her way back to the front of the plane, she stopped and looked around the empty Business Class seats and took a deep breath.

"HEY," she shouted, repeating the last word with a soft fade, trying to simulate an echo effect. "HEY! WHERE IS EVERYBODY?"

Colleen emerged from the other Contessa Class suite.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Equals, can I help you with something?"

Susan turned to her, blushing from a combination of the yelling and someone having heard her.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, no, Colleen. She's the other one. I'm Ms. Bailey. Er, Susan, that is. Hi. I was just... old Twilight Zone bit. First time flying... thought there'd be more people. I figured everybody does the Shatner 'There's... SOMETHING ON THE WING!' one."

Susan started walking toward Colleen with her palms outstretched at her sides as if to say "Not a crazy person; well, not a dangerous one, anyway, just a little weird is all. I'm just coming over to talk."

"Oh, aye," Colleen said. "Yeah, they always go fer that episode. I like..." She got a confused look on her face and pretended to hold up a pair of invisible broken glasses. "Tha's nae fair. Tha's nae fair 'T-ALL. There was TIME now. There... there was all the time I NEEDED. S' nae fair." She started sobbing and fading as she repeated the last. "S' nae fair."

Susan stopped walking when she'd reached a decently conversational distance, applauding the bit and laughing.

"That's great! The last impression I'd expect you'd have in your repertoire is 1950s Burgess Meredith. And your accent makes it even better."

Colleen smiled and tilted her head to the right.

"Well, ye know, we DID finally get TV in Ireland this past year."

Susan smiled, liking her all the more for that response.

"I deserved that. I hope we haven't been asshole customers, Colleen. Er... passengers."

That elicited a look of surprise and another smile from the lass.

"What? Oh no, sorry, nah ya haven't. Sorry, weren't expecting that. The marketing guys say tha' Contessa Class passengers'll typically be..." Colleen stopped herself before using the word "asshole" as well. "Er, that is, not overly concerned wit' others' opinions of their behavior."

"Dickheads, huh?" Colleen nodded a little. "It's ok, Colleen, you can say it. I used to do a job a lot like yours. Except in something stationary and on the ground." Colleen looked confused. "Waitress," Susan explained as she looked out the window at the cloud layer. "Same shitty highway greasy spoon for 11 years. You probably don't get as many meth heads and drunk trucker propositions, though."

"Oh, the propositions were there, an' I'm sure there's been a couple meth heads too, but most people taking drugs on a plane jes' wanna be knocked out fer the flight. Wha' 'bout the couple wit' ya?"

"Hmm? Oh, Troy & Julie aren't into drugs. I mean, like maybe every few months for fun; special occasions. And who doesn't have a little herb now and then in Washington these days? No, this is just a really bad day for them. Well, you know why we're here; Helen is a very dear old friend of theirs."

"Oh, aye," Colleen replied with a slight blush and a bow of her head. She then looked up at Susan, just catching what she said. "Theirs? She's nae yours?"

"We haven't really met, Colleen, just talked a little. They're old friends of hers, so this whole thing's just had them not themselves, you know?" Susan read the look of concern on Colleen's face.

"They go way back with her, Colleen. They love her, so they're going to her, and I love them, so I'm coming too. Well, I talk to Lady Maria sometimes too; her, I consider a friend. You know Helen personally, though, don't you? I can tell."

She stepped closer to Colleen, who swallowed and nodded.

"Oh, aye. The Countess got me this job. Can't really say how."

"I'm sorry this is happening, I hope she'll be ok. And I think I can figure out that story for myself, Colleen. You see..."

Susan stopped a foot away from the redhead. She reached out with her left hand. Colleen thought she was going to grab her by the waist, but instead, Susan pulled the tablet out of her pocket. She leaned in to whisper in Colleen's ear.

"All of us have got emerald green iPads too, Colleen. Mine was a present, but I know why she usually gives them out. Now Honestly, Colleen, you got yours the same way Troy and Julie got theirs, didn't you?"

Colleen closed her eyes and tilted her head back before answering.

"Aye. I've met The Countess. A few times. Enough to get why I'm telling you this now."

That stopped Susan cold.

"So, you know what I'm doing, Colleen?"

She took a deep breath before replying.

"Aye. Tha' thing where ye keep sayin' my name. I were wearing this uniform tha' first time she did it. 'S why I'm wearin' it now."

It was Susan's turn to cock her head quizzically.

"Huh, do tell."

* * *

A few minutes later, Susan Bailey and Colleen Sullivan sat at the bar in Colleen's suite, sipping cappuccinos and talking. Between Susan's waitressing experience and Colleen's stewardessing experience they'd been able to operate the machine that likely cost more than their first cars.

Susan had bought her first car new the year before. Letting Troy handle the negotiation, naturally.

Colleen continued her story. Her accent had gotten thicker as they spoke, like she was no longer at work and could put away her Stewardessing accent for her home one.

"An' neither of us coul' find them by the time we'd touched down, so we both said fook it an'... I think they call it 'went commando?' D'ya think that'd be offensive to the commandos she had wit' her?"

"I doubt it," Susan responded, taking a drink. "Ultimados don't get offended easily. You should hear some of the stuff I've said to them."

"Well, we never found our... erm... underwear. But one of the cleaning crew did. He tol' his boss, that guy tol' someone else, an' a few days later, I were at 'ead office in London 'explaining myself' to the Vice President of Guest Relations and being told I were fired."

"Fucker. How long were you out of work?"

"Four days. An' then I got a call from The Countess, telling me the airline were under new management and how'd I like the job 'o' the tosser tha' sacked me."

Susan smiled at that.

"Sounds like she really cares about you. So, why the uniform?"

Colleen leaned closer and whispered, despite their being alone in the suite.

"Well, I've since been invited to the castle fer a couple o' weekends, an' we've talked a little..."

Susan stopped herself from doing a spit-take, but inhaled some coffee in the process and had to stop and cough for a few seconds. She assured Colleen that she was ok and caught her breath before speaking.

"I'm ok, sorry, I'm ok. Just... we talk now and then, and what I know of Helen's personal life; coming back, staying the weekend, and 'talking' to her guests are all violations of her Prime Directive."

"I think ever'body thinks tha'," Colleen said, taking a less-choking sip than Susan's. "An' I think The Countess encourages it. But she's lonely, ye know. I mean, she's got Lady Maria an' a castle full of servants, but ever'one else in her life wants something from 'er."

"I don't want anything from her," Susan replied. "I want her to be ok and get through this, but I'm not after anything. I accepted this," she pulled out her new San Finzione passport. "Because it was the only way to get on a flight tonight and..."

Susan bowed her head, holding her face in the hand of the arm resting on the bar and squeezed her forehead as a realization struck her with a groan.

"I just became one of her fucking SUBJECTS, didn't I? And I can't even get pissed off at her, because she meant all this to be an ESCAPE plan!"

When Susan looked up from rubbing her eyes, she saw the look of confusion again on Colleen's face.

"If you talk to her, you know she's always doing that 'think of everything, plan for everything' thing."

"Oh, aye," Colleen said with a lot. "Like Batman."

Susan raised an eyebrow at that, smiled, and continued.

"So, all this: the passport, the plane, the money I didn't take; she meant it in case something so bad happened that we all needed to flee the country and never come back. She said no rescuing her, but she never stopped to consider 'Some fucker just stabbed me and despite my whole Modesty Blaise front, we all need to be together right now.' This was always meant to be a one-way trip. Like 'A NEW LIFE awaits you in SAN FINZIONE! The chance to begin anew...'"

Colleen reached out and put her hand on Susan's.

"If it helps ya, Susan, ya don't come up as often as those two; but when ya do, it's all been good things. I think she meant you too in that 'we.'"

Susan looked up and smiled. Colleen's hand didn't move away. The smile gave way to a less-painful realization than her last one.

"Thank you, Colleen. Damn, I'm sorry, I interrupted you with all that. You were telling me why the uniform."

"Oh, aye. Well, yeah, I've been a weekend guest a couple times now. It's nay like a relationship, more like she calls an' says she needs ta spend time wit' 'someone real,' an' it's like a romantic weekend getaway. Er, wit' someone who can make ye think ye're makin' love on the deck o' a pirate ship, anyway."

"Cloud in space for me."

"Hmm?" Colleen asked.

"Oh, nothing. So, she calls when she needs time with someone who doesn't either live in a castle or have an agenda. I can see that."

Susan recalled that the first time Helen ever called her, she'd said that she needed to talk to someone who 'completely despises' her. With what Colleen was telling her factored into things, she could see now that what Helen might really have been trying to say was "I need to talk to someone who doesn't care too much about my feelings.

"Aye. An' nae 'Those dumbass Hollywood Pretty Boys or Girls of the Minute; who can't find San Finzione on a map, while standing in a castle with a gift shop that SELLS maps of San Finzione!'"

Her impression of Helen had been better than Susan's. It gave Susan a chuckle. Colleen took a deep breath before continuing. One that Susan matched.

"Getting' off track agin, sorry. So, yeah, she mentions ya sometimes, but the stories she tells o' Troy an' Julie Equals..." Colleen leaned in closer to whisper into Susan's ear. The heaviness of it against Susan's skin letting her know that the secret she was about to reveal was a dirty one.

"The ones she tells in bed about 'em. I were in Seattle fer business, an' before I left San Finzione, The Countess gave me Troy's number. Said ta ring 'im up if I needed some fun. Then after all that's happened..."

Susan slid her arm around Colleen's waist the way Colleen had thought she was going to before. She leaned in to return the whisper.

"And with all the stress, you do need some fun, Colleen, don't you?"

"Aye," she breathed in response. "I'd packed me ol' uniform cause I thought it might be a giggle if I ended up calling. When this came up, I reckoned 'What th' hell? Maybe they'll be up fer it, an' I could use the giggle now too.' So I put it on."

"And you know what the four of us can do, so you were hoping for some of THAT kind of fun too, weren't you, Colleen?"

"Oh, aye," Colleen breathed as Susan began kissing her neck. "The Cou- er, Helena, tol' me I had to have a go on tha' cock."

"Well, Julie's using it right now; kind of why I took this little stroll. This was supposed to be a 'just us' weekend for them, figured they should at least get to play a little game. You know, like the kind you and Helen play. Maybe we should sit somewhere more comfortable and I'll tell you about it."

Colleen inhaled sharply and eyed one of the couches.

"Oh, no, no, no," Susan shook her head after picking up Colleen's couch idea. "You've been in one already, but I want to go see what a bed suitable for a Countess is like."

Colleen nodded and led Susan by the hand into the bedroom.