A Fishing Trip, But I'm The Bait Ch. 08

The concluding non-erotic, but nevertheless gripping, chapter about our heroine, Jane.

*

I knew as soon as Paul started the engine to drive me home that our relationship was doomed. When he had made love to me under the dark trees of the wood I knew that it was likely to be out last time together, at least as lovers. Perhaps at some time in the future we might have a quickie for old times sake, but our lives were destined to go in different directions. When I arrived home I braved it out with him and my mother, who met me on my return, by acting bright and breezy. In truth I was in shock and even when I had changed for bed, I lay in the dark, blinking at the ceiling for hours trying to figure out what was happening to me.

All too soon it was time to pack my bags and make the journey to university that I suppose every teenager both dreams about, but dreads in equal measure? Laura had already left for her college so Mum and I made the journey north to my new town. By now I had taken on the outward appearance of Jane, decked out in clothes that Laura insisted would help me blend in, but inside I was a mess. I fidgeted for the first hour, until Mum got fed up of me, so we agreed that I would sit in the back... it was quite tense! I expect she was as upset as me, because she would be going back to an empty house, whilst I was going to a hall that would be full of boisterous teenagers, but we just about avoided bickering.

Looking back now, after two terms at university, I still find myself questioning my decision to become a girl. Outwardly I am pretty convincing: I am blessed with a slim, slight body and shared the good looks of my elder sisters. I draw all my values and references from the feminine environment in which I was raised. I know my body language projects the girl inside, by which I mean I am not a pastiche of a girl -- I just am one. Only the cloth of flesh is wrong. I don't hate my body, far from it, I'm just disappointed every time to look in the mirror to find a cock hanging where a pussy should be. Orgasms are love/hate thing because they end up in the wrong place. The medics have prescribed me estrogen, which has helped and I have transformed from the angular shapes of a pubescent girl to a fuller, softer shape. I've accepted the advice from the them to hold off from notching up the drug regime to the next level, because of the likely affect it will have on my studies and other TS's I've spoken to confirm it can be hard going. I still question everything because I am scared.

So what about my sex-life, I hear you asking? I'm sorry, there isn't much in this chapter, but bear with me, because this story is important to me and there is more to life than bonking! Where was I? I seem to have got side-tracked into a whine about life as a student when really I'm so lucky. I can find very little to be grumpy about: I have some good friends here at uni and for the most part, my family have been supportive too. I say for the most part because I had a big falling out with my eldest sister, Stephanie, who visited me during my second term. Looking back now, I try to laugh about it but at the time it was upsetting and it's sad that now that we're not speaking: it'll pass though, I hope.

I had moved out of the student accommodation and have been lodging with a lovely family. Mike and Trudi had offered me a lifeline after my situation in the halls became untenable in the first term. Mike lectures at the university, Trudi does some home-based work and they have an adorable three year old girl Phoebe, my Pixie-Minx. They are amongst the most open-minded, enlightened people I could ever hope to meet. Their house is a stone-built terrace that they had bought as a wreck but a couple of years of hard work had transformed it into a real home. They had given me the attic floor that was unused and which just needed a lick of paint ( Putty colour ) to make it more homely.

My sister, Steph, lived with her then-boyfriend a couple of hours away and she contacted me to say she intended to call in. Being the eldest sister meant she has always been bossy and I've learnt the eldest in families always tend to be that way. Although there was nothing unusual about my adopted home, I was still in a fluster that she might disapprove of my situation.

Although I'd had friends to sleep over, Steph would be staying at a posh hotel where she was attending a conference. I heard the doorbell ring on the Friday afternoon and Trudi called up to me, though I was already on my way downstairs. Steph and her boyfriend, Carl, were chatting to her in the hall and little Phoebe was hanging on her mother's leg as I came down.

Steph looked up and I suddenly realised that this was the first time she had seen me as Jane: it was like being hit in the stomach, so much so I froze on the stairs in a panic.

"Jane -- are you OK? You look like you've seen a ghost," said Trudi, picking up Phoebe and setting her on her hip.

"Jane?" said Steph in her haughty voice. I felt my face turn scarlet and had to force my legs forward.

"Hi Steph," I managed to squeak, pulling my cardigan round me and folding my arms protectively in front of me. "... and Carl. Hi, pleased to meet you."

There was an awkward silence that was broken by Carl.

"Well we all seem to be very formal. Give me a kiss, Jane -- I'm almost family you know."

I was grateful for him breaking the ice and stepped forward on tiptoes to kiss his cheek with a 'hi'. I moved to Steph who leaned forward to give me a peck, but suddenly I felt sorry for her because I could see she felt out of her depth.

"I see you've met Phoebe. Isn't she adorable?" I said, putting my arms out to Trudi who gladly let me take Phoebe from her. "Oh dear. What's the matter, poppet? Have you gone all shy? So, Steph -- how's the job going? You're at a conference aren't you, which sounds all very high-powered. It's great to see you and to meet this man of yours. Carl I've heard all about you."

"Have you?" snapped Steph. "Yes, we have a departmental conference with some of the high-fliers from the States coming over, so I have my work cut out."

"And Carl? You two don't work together do you?" I said.

"No, no. I'm here as moral support, though I'll sit in on some of the talks: I'm sure to learn something. Steph's area is sales but I work for one of their IT providers," smiled Carl, looking to Steph for her approval. "But hey -- let's not talk about work."

"Yes, we've taken up too much of your time, Trudi? We have to check into our hotel and I've some prepping to do so why don't we have dinner together tonight," said Steph checking her watch. "You and your husband would be welcome to join us Trudi."

"Oh, thanks but we have our hands full with this one. Besides, it'll be a family occasions for you. I'm sure you have lots of catching up to do," Trudi replied, reaching across to take Phoebe from me.

"OK then. We'll come and pick you up later Jane. Around half seven sound good for you?" said Steph. "And err...it'll be at The Park and it's fairly formal so wear something... err.. pretty, Jane."

I nodded slowly back to her with a 'Uh huh' and held the door for them as they left. Carl took my arm as Steph walked ahead to their Mercedes.

"Don't worry about your sister, Jane. I think she's having a struggle to adjust."

"I can see that. Thank you, Carl, I'll see you both later."

I closed the door behind them and leant back against it, blowing my cheeks out with relief.

Trudi was looking at me affectionately and we both burst into laughter. She put her arm round my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

"She'll come round Jane. Don't worry, I could see she was struggling a bit."

"Thanks Trude. She always been the bossy one in the family and kinda disapproved of me: now she got something to really get stuck into." I blinked back some tears as Phoebe looked at me with a serious face. "What are all these grown-ups chattering about, Phoebs? Aren't we a funny lot?"

She giggled as I tickled her feet, which broke the tension.

"Cup of tea?" said Trudi.

"Magic. I'll put the kettle on."

*** *** *** *** *** ***

I'd picked out a velvet wrap around skirt with a plain ivory blouse as this was the most formal looking outfit I owned. My hair was now cut in a bob and so I needed nothing other than the lovely diamond studs for my ears that Paul had given me. I kept my nails a sensible neutral colour: quite suitable for a posh hotel! Above all, I tried to keep a low profile at university: attracting attention was usually bad news so garish make up and nails were a definite no-no.

Carl and Steph picked me up and the Park was indeed very posh, set in its own grounds on the edge of the city. Carl was very charming and made me feel very much at ease. Steph was still a pain in the ass and everything came to head when she followed me into the ladies room.

"John, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but this has to stop!" she hissed at me through gritted teeth.

"Ok. Steph," I began, holding my palms up to her. "You've known about the way I've been for years. I was never John - that life just didn't make sense to me. This is who I am. Why can't you accept that?"

"But what does mother think? Really, what does she think? You've broken her heart you know: she's been in tears to me on the phone and all you can do is mince around like some fucking pervert!" Steph scowled at me.

I hesitated for a moment, then did it. I slapped her across the face.

"How fucking dare you!" I said. "Mum has been totally supportive of me, so has Laura, so has the University. Even Carl out there seems cool with me. The only person who has a problem is you Steph and you're acting like a fucking monster."

Steph was definitely hurt by my slap and was leaning on the counter shaking her head.

"Steph," I said more softly. "Steph -- you're my sister, my family. I hate this. Can't you understand this? I don't want to hurt you or anyone. This hasn't been easy for me y'know? You heard about that trouble in my first term? I get stuff like that every week. I don't do this because it is the easy option, believe me. I do it because I have no other choice. Can't we at least be civil? Lets not make a scene here, please, lets talk about this another time. Can we make time for that? Please?"

Steph straightened herself up and walked past me and out the door without a word. I was shaking. I looked at myself in the mirror and set my jaw. 'I am not going to let her get to me.' I thought to myself. 'This is her problem, Jane. Be strong.'

I walked back out into the restaurant to find Carl and Steph chatting as though nothing had ever happened. Fuck, she could put on a good show.

"So, what are your plan for the rest of the weekend?" I asked politely.

"We were just discussing that, Jane," said Carl. "Steph has her big presentation tomorrow evening, then there's a drink reception afterwards. Why don't you come along?"

Steph looked daggers at Carl.

"Oh, I can't really. Trudi and Mike asked me to baby-sit tomorrow and I don't like to let them down."

"Well, it will be our loss. Actually, these things can be a bit of a bore unless you know the people involved. You know how it is: it's mostly about rallying the troops and slapping each other on the back. Still, once you've graduated I'm sure Steph will be a good contact to have."

"Yes, well thank you," I said blushing.

The bill arrived and I reached for my purse.

"You can put that away," said Carl patting my hand. "This is our treat. Isn't that right Steph?"

"Hmm? Yes, of course. I know how difficult money can be as a student," said Steph. The drive back was pretty quiet: Carl tried to get some conversation going but I could see he was embarrassed that things were so frosty between Steph and me.

When we arrived at the house I thanked them both and I was quite surprised that Steph got out of the car and stopped me at the gate.

"Jane... Jane. Listen," she said looking away briefly. When she looked back I was amazed to see her eyes were wet. "Listen, I'm sorry. I..erm..you're right, we are family and.. err.. we ought to talk again. I've been a bit tense with this work thing. It's really important -- jobs on the line, that kind of thing. So, you're managing OK?"

"I'm holding my own, Steph," I said.

There was a pause.

"Oh, I see," she said with a smile. "Holding your own. Yes, well I suppose you would be."

Another silence.

"Steph. I know we can't be best mates but we can still be family. Call it quits and give me a hug?"

Steph nodded and gave me an awkward hug, rubbing my back in a formal way.

"I love you Steph," I said letting her hand slip from mine. "Have a great weekend. Knock 'em dead!" I said and turned back to the house. I heard the car draw away and turned to watch the tail-lights disappear down the street. I shook my head and let myself in.

The next day was normal, being a Saturday I went for a swim and dropped in on a friend before arriving home in the afternoon. I mixed my time between books and playing with Phoebe and didn't give the previous evening too much thought. I was glad Steph had apologised and hoped that we would have a chance to talk properly at some time.

Mike and Trudi left for the cinema just after 7pm and Phoebe was all ready for bed. I sat up with her, reading stories and playing until I could see her eyes were getting heavy before lifting her into bed and tucking her in for the night. I left her door open and went up to my room. The only downside of babysitting was that I couldn't listen to my music, so when the doorbell rang I almost jumped out of my skin.

It had turned nine and I was puzzled as to who it could be. I opened the door but kept it on the chain.

"Carl! What are you doing here? Is everything alright?" I said and let the door open. He greeted me with a big smile and held up a bottle of champagne.

"Hey Sis!" he said, throwing his arms around me taking me by surprise.

"Are you drunk Carl? Where's Steph?"

"I am not drunk but I have certainly had a couple. Steph is still laying forth to the converts and I was getting bored. Good thing the taxi driver understood my directions. Can I come in? I thought you might be able to help me with this," he said waving the bottle at me with a grin.

"Oh God, come on then. Did you tell Steph you were leaving?" I said as he followed me nto the hallway.

"She won't have noticed. Do you have any glasses or shall we use straws?"

"Carl. You'll have to keep your voice down. Phoebe is asleep and it would be awful to wake her. Come on, bring that thing upstairs where we won't disturb her. I think I have some glasses. Actually she can sleep through a hurricane but I would feel awkward camping out in Mike & Trudi's lounge: it's their space."

"Quite right young lady. Lead the way and I shall be as quiet as a mouse."

Carl was really quite drunk and I wasn't even sure I should have let him in. I would give Steph a call in a while to let her know where he was, but she would still be in the middle of her evening so I'd have to wait.

Carl slumped down on my sofa whilst I hunted out the glasses. I wasn't averse to champagne and this was the real thing.

"You have great legs, for a girl," said Carl as I turned to him.

"I'll take that as a compliment. Cheers!" I said, a little piqued by his turn of phrase. I decided not to join him on the sofa but sat opposite at my desk. We chatted for a while and began to relax. He was a great entertainer and his anecdotes and impressions did make me laugh. I reached over to top up his glass when he grabbed my wrist.

"Carl! You'll make me spill this'" I laughed at him.

"I was rather hoping you could spill something else for me," he replied, looking up at me.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean. Let my hand go Carl, come on," I scolded him.

"I think you know exactly what I mean," he said and, catching me off balance, pulled me forward so that I fell in a heap onto him. His hand dived under my skirt and grabbed painfully at my genitals. "Come on, you little faggot. We can have some man on man fun here. I know you know what that means."

"No, Carl. Cut it out. Stop it, you're hurting me," I hissed at him, trying to keep my voice down. He had taken hold of my knickers and with a violent wrench, ripped them off my body. The glasses went flying and the bottle lay on its side, spilling on the floor. I was over his lap and couldn't get up. All I could do was try and catch him with my elbow. He was trying to stick his finger into my rear as I screamed obscenities at him. I was terrified the commotion would wake Phoebe.

Carl tried to shift my weight and I had a chance to break free. I slipped onto the floor away from him and was scrabbling to get up when he knelt over me and hit me full in the stomach. I was paralysed by the pain and could hardly breathe as he dragged me by my hair and threw me face down on the sofa. He held me down with one hand and I could guess he was getting his trousers down with the other.

My head was spinning but all I could think about was Phoebe or what would happen if Mike and Trudi were to come back: I would be thrown out of their house and probably university. I decided it was probably best to let Carl have me and get it over with.

I could feel his prick at my rear and then he leaned his weight over me and spoke into my ear.

"Come on sissy boy. I know you want this. You were flirting with me the whole evening so lets not pretend."

"Fuck you, Carl," I shouted. I was so angry with him and twisted my head to bite his cheek, drawing blood.

"You little ... " his cursing was cut short and I heard a crash of furniture behind me.

"Who the fuck are you? How dare you, you fucker, get out of my fucking house you shit!" It was Mike and as I looked up I could she Trudi at the door, her mouth open in shock. She stepped forward as Mike knelt, pummelling Carl with his fist.

"It's her sister's boyfriend. Get him out of here Mike," Trudi had joined in and as I twisted round on the sofa I watched as the two of them drag Carl out by his kicking legs. There was a lot more noise and raised voices downstairs, before I heard the front door slam and then Phoebe's voice crying. More footsteps on the stairs then Mike burst back into the room. I was curled up in a ball on the floor.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mike. I shouldn't have let him in. I'm so sorry," I wailed, certain that he was going to be angry with me.

"Come here kiddo. Come here," Mike said calmly and lifted me back onto the cushions. "Are you OK, I mean are you hurt? We can call an ambulance."

"I'm OK, Mike. I'm so sorry," I continued to cry.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Where's your dressing gown? Come on. Here, put this on. Let me see you. Did he? I mean are there any other injuries apart from the cuts?"

In the fight I must have cut my hand on a broken glass and my cheekbone stung.

"No, he didn't. You came just in time. I'm so sorry -- in your home."

Mike shushed me quiet and guided me downstairs to the front room. Trudi joined us having settled Phoebe and the two of them sat on the floor in front of me as I sat on their armchair and recounted what had happened. Trudi got up and put her arm round me but her sympathy made me completely break down into sobs.

"Here, Jane. Have some of this. Really it will cure pretty much anything. I think I might have one myself," said Mike with a smile and handed me a glass with something spirit-smelling in it.

"What is it?" I asked with a broken voice.

"Hey -- you must be feeling better. You asking what it is!" He said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. The brandy warmed me through to the core and he was right: it did help. Trudi had one too.

We talked in the quiet hesitant way that people do when they're shocked. Mike tried to insist that we call the Police but I pleaded him not to and Trudi could see what I meant. What would the Police say: I had invited him in, I had been drinking with him and I got what I deserved?