- Erotic Poetry
- Hard and Rough
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Click hereMy second attempt at a pantoum.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our naked limbs entwine together,
Where one begins, another ends;
Seamless from one part to other,
Our bodies in the rythm bend.
Where one begins, another ends,
With me below and you above,
Our bodies in the rythm bend,
Your penis into me you shove.
With me below and you above,
Do me baby, I like it rough,
Your penis into me you shove,
Oh God! Yes! I feel so stuffed.
Do me baby, I like it rough,
I welcome each and every thrust,
Oh God! Yes! I feel so stuffed,
Any moment now I'm going to burst.
I welcome each and every thrust,
Merciless, into me you pound,
Any moment now I'm going to burst;
The cum, the twitch, a groaning sound.
Merciless, into me you pound,
When you reach blessed release;
The cum, the twitch, a groaning sound,
Our bodies spent, all movements cease.
When you reach blessed release,
Breathless and tired, there we lie,
Our bodies spent, all movements cease,
And in my world, just you and I.
Breathless and tired, there we lie,
Seamless from one part to other,
And in my world, just you and I,
Our naked limbs entwined together.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
- COMMENTS
Thanks for the introduction to this poetry format. Clever work and it added a dimension to the lilt and attractive of the theme.
A pantoum is a new poetic form to me. Had never heard of it before I read you use it, then googled it to find out more. An admirable attempt. You are quite the writer, exploring many different types of expression. I applaud your energy and ambition. I also found your topic interesting. I find Hard and Rough a bit of a juxtaposition in the sometimes delicate world of poetry - but that's just the point you may be trying to make - poetry is not delicate. It can often be graphic and hard-hitting. I'll have to try other pieces of your work.
I know the work involved with a pantoum and think you did well with the form. The use of roughed/stuffed seemed forced. I think if you just stick with rough, it is a close enough rhyme to stuffed to work without throwing your grammar off (using roughed instead of rough). You used a sight rhyme with thrust and burst, so the rhyming of rough and stuffed I think will work.
You might check a typo in line 3 (missing the word "one"). An excellent effort, with a little work the poem will be even stronger. Good work...
jim :)